What Not To Expect
by babydoll280
Summary: Lily Evans started 6th year totally and helplessly in love. She started 7th year totally and helplessly heartbroken. Lily and James make a deal: she helps him, he helps her. But what happens when, in the end, neither want what the other helped them get?
1. Head Boy and Head Girl

Ok this is my first fan fic and I'm doing this all by myself. Please review so I can figure out what I'm doing!

What Not To Expect

Lily Irene Evans took in a huge breath, and then slowly let it out. She stood in front of double doors, her hand halted two short inches before turning it. She stared at it desperately before moving her gaze toward the doors. Those doors. The doors that determined how her last year at Hogwarts would play out. She surveyed it distastefully through her nervous interior. While Natalie might think the intricate designs on the Hogwarts Express were beautiful, Lily found them tacky. She hesitantly rose a hand up and traced a wooden curl lightly. She smiled tightly as she took a step back. She might not find the décor pleasing, but whatever the train looked like, whatever those doors looked like, Lily was going to miss it.

She shook her head and mentally scolded herself for allowing her mind to wander.

"You can do this, Lily," she thought to herself. She reached a hand into the pocket of her school robes and lightly fingered her letter. She had been in her room when it had come. She remembered sitting on her bed, staring at the ceiling, when it an owl swooped in and had released it on her bed. She hadn't expected anything out of it at all, least of all what she had gotten.

She shook her self mentally again. She needed to focus.

She surveyed herself critically; despite what everyone said, she didn't think she was all that pretty. Long, skinny legs folded into a small waist and medium chest, then curved into a long neck and oval face complete with high cheekbones, a full mouth, and amazing intense emerald eyes framed with long dark lashes. She was topped off with a gorgeous mane of long, dark red, straight hair. She quickly tucked a bothersome strand of auburn hair behind her ears, straightened her skirt, squared her shoulders and put on her best expressionless face, and then taking a last deep breath, pushed that door open before she could change her mind.

She stepped inside the head compartment and quietly closed the door behind her. She released the air and slowly turned around to see…

No one.

She deflated like a popped balloon, allowing a confused look emerge from her blank features. No one was here. The relief lasted only a second. She hurriedly checked her watch. 10:00 shined brightly back at her. She took a hesitant step and took the time to survey the room. Red and gold hanging streamed across windows while red plush adorned all the chairs. Lily couldn't help but roll her eyes when she saw the familiar carvings in the wood. A wooden podium was in front and gold velvet window seats sat below each of the windows. She almost smiled to herself. It looked the Gryfindor common room. She checked her watch again. 10:01 danced mockingly in front of her eyes.

She returned to problem at hand. Where was everyone? Lily pulled her letter out of her pocket, running her fist through it to straighten the creases. She scanned it quickly looking for the time. 10:30 it read. She groaned out loud and sat herself on a window seat, not fully appreciating the comfortable position it allowed.

"Well, at least I'm not late," she muttered to herself as she propped herself up against the wall. She then pulled out a book. She put her feet up on the seat and pulled her hair to one side of her face, to keep it out of her eyes. The steady hum of the train was comforting. She opened the book up and tried to submerse herself in its words, but however she tried, her thoughts always trailed back to him.

Lily could remember opening her letter, expecting nothing but the usual list of books, when she felt something heavy fall into her lap. She looked down, and picked it up with trembling hands. The Head Girl badge fit perfectly in her palm, about the size of her extremely widened eyes. Of course, she had immediately run downstairs to show her parents.

She grinned to herself, not even aware that her eyes had been trained on one spot on the page for a couple seconds. Her sister had obviously not cared, only giving her a feeble thumbs up when their mother had stared at her pointedly. Her mother and father were delighted, though they really had no idea what it the position meant.

But while she was explained to them what the Head Girl was and did, her thoughts had pulled away and focused on what this meant. If she was Head Girl, then there was always a Head Boy. And since then, she had been thinking of nothing else. And while she could only hope it was him, she didn't want to excite herself for nothing.

Lily sighed and abandoned all pretense of reading. She played with the window hanging absently as she remembered him. All last year, people had said that he was the best candidate for Head Boy. Though he was a little troublesome, and loved to have fun, no one could deny his outstanding academic accomplishments, sweet, but responsible personality, and absolutely gorgeous appearance. Not to mention Dumbledore's obvious favor toward him.

She shook herself out of her day dream and let the dazed look fall off of her face. She turned the page roughly.

She could only hope he was head boy. There was no positive way of determining whether he was until he go there. They had dated for the entire duration of sixth year, but at the end, had broken up.

Lily winced at the memory, but she could do nothing but blame herself. A rumor had been around that he had cheated on her, and without confirming it, she had marched right up to him and demanded an explanation. He had denied it of course, pleading with her to believe him. But she had refused, only to learn minutes later that it had, in fact, been only a rumor to separate them. But the damage had been done, and while Lily had sent hundreds, it seemed, letters to apologize, they were done.

She couldn't lie to herself.

She still loved him.

She roughly pulled a hand across her face, wiping tears that had started to built up and threatened to fall. She was angry with herself for crying. One thing that Lily Evans was known for was her emotionless self control. Since the beginning of first year, it seemed that there was nothing wrong with Lily Evans. She never complained, she never whined, she never asked for help. Lily Evans refused to share her problems. She had become excellent at hiding her emotions, and while some thought that made her cold, she was anything but it. Lily Evans just vowed to herself that she would always be the comforter and never the comforted.

She slowly sank back into her regular self, ashamed of crying for something she couldn't change. He would never be with her again.

She checked her watch. 10:20. She kicked herself mentally. She didn't need to spend this much time thinking about him. She opened her book again and stared at one spot again.

What could she do? She couldn't forget him. She had spent the entire summer writing to him, begging him to forgive her, and he obviously wasn't interested.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the doors opening. Her head snapped over, hope rising. They quickly diminished when she saw four prefects walk in. She nodded a greeting and motioned them to sit down. They just giggled like 5th years did and sat in the front. Lily rolled her eyes. The ones who arrived early always sat in the front.

Now with the constant talking of smitten 5th years, Lily gave up all hope of reading and stared out the window, not being able to stop her thoughts from straying back to him.

Him. Tall, dark and handsome. Sweet, passionate, and kind. Funny, adventurous, and exciting. Loving, caring, and comforting.

How could she not love him?

She rested her head on the glass, her forehead now wet with condensation. But she didn't care. She was heartbroken.

Normally, Lily Evans would have accepted the Head Girl position with drive and passion. She would have been confident, ambitious, brave, and strong. She had wanted head girl since the time when she first came to Hogwarts. She wasn't scared of anything and why she couldn't bring herself to open the doors to her last year at Hogwarts because of boy was something unheard of to her.

Lily wrapped her arms around herself and shivered lightly. Prefects were coming in streams now. She spared a glance over at the chairs. They were still half empty. She checked her watch. Five minutes to go until starting.

Five minutes until she saw him again.

And while she had really loved him with all her heart and his face was clear in her mind, the one thing she really had missed was his voice. Pure and soft, calm and sure; she could listen to him for hours on end.

She squeezed herself unconsciously, remembering his embraces and how he held her.

SNAP!

She awoke from her reverie to hear a prefect shut the door a little too hard. She looked around. All the seats were filled. She checked her watch. 10:30 on the dot. She checked the room again. The Head Boy wasn't here. _He_ wasn't here.

Then the doorknob started to turn. She stared at it expectantly, waiting, hoping, wishing he would walk through that door. It opened and someone stepped in. Lily Evan's hopeful emerald eyes met James Potter's smiling hazel ones.

And Lily Evan's heart broke all over again.


	2. James and Lily

Lily looked down again and silently willed the tears to disappear. She felt her welling eyes slowly dry. She reached down and pretended to be looking for something in her bag. She peered at him through her eyelashes.

He was still looking at her.

Lily racked her brains. How in the hell did James Potter get Head Boy? She had barely said three words to him her entire life, but no one, no one didn't know who he was. James Potter was the "ringleader" of a popular group called the Marauders. Their purpose was to create as much havoc as possible, and they usually fulfilled that goal. She shook her head as she stood. She knew who she had wanted it to be, but even if it wasn't, James Potter was the last person she would have guessed.

She glanced up at him again, relieved that he had turned his attention to three bickering prefects in the 3rd or 4th row. She surveyed him slowly, her hands absently tightening on the straps of her bag.

Saying that James Potter was handsome was an understatement. He towered almost a foot above Lily's 5'6, making him about 6'5. He had a Quidditch toned body as well. Even through his robes, she could make out sturdy legs topped by broad shoulders and a defined six pack. Small, circular glasses adorned his nose, sitting in front of large, glittering hazel eyes. A mop of very messy jet black hair topped his head.

He smiled at the prefect, and Lily saw the girl's legs start to shake and her face turn crimson.

She had to admit, he had an awfully cute smile. His full mouth perfectly encompassed straight, glistening white teeth. But there was something else.

Lily stopped fiddling with her strap and looked at his face closely. There was something about that smile. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something about it that made her want to smile back. It reached his eyes in an attractive way, lightly crinkling the corners and made his hazel stars wink. Two dimples adorned his cheeks.

She turned away. Despite James Potter's flawless appearance, his looks were wasted on Lily. She loved one man, and he wasn't it.

James P.O.V.

James Potter stood outside the Head Carriage, hesitantly staring at the big double doors. He ran a hand impatiently through his hair, eying the unmistakable mistake in most doorways. He sighed as he stooped and pushed the door open. No door was ever the right size for him.

He stepped into the head compartment and was greeted by silence. Hazel orbs roved over all the prefects, then took in the Gryffindor colored draperies and chairs and window seats. Then to a red head sitting on the window seat.

James met her gaze softy. She was sprawled across a window seat, long legs draped over the side. His eyes moved up her porcelain legs to her small waist and petite upper torso. She had beautiful, thick auburn hair that hung to the left of her face, falling neatly across her shoulders. Red lips were set against flawless skin and absolutely stunning green eyes were cushioned by long dark lashes. Those green eyes held nothing.

As their gaze met, James was sure he saw something. Disappointment and bitterness flickered through the pair of emeralds, and then they went dark. They had held indescribable sadness for a split second, and then, those stone barriers went up behind that intense gaze, and he could read nothing.

She had looked away, bending down to fiddle with her bag, probably looking for something. He inspected her further. Her red hair swung around her face and her long fingers fumbled with something in the folds of her book bag. But those eyes.

They were very exquisite, of course. Green eyes that shade were not very common in the wizarding world. But that's not what had caught his attention.

She had turned off her eyes like an ordinary light switch. That wall behind her gaze had went up faster than he could think, and then, before he could comprehend what he thought he actually saw, they were sealed shut.

Understanding dawned on his face. This had to be Lily Evans. She had quite a reputation. Not only being known as one of the best students in school, Lily Evans was known for those barriers. Emotionless, calm, serene Lily Evans. Always carried herself with dignity, elegance, and impenetrable and unwavering confidence.

James thought back as far as he could. Had he ever even spoken with her? James racked his brains further.

No, he didn't think they had. He looked her over once more.

This ought to be a fun year.

Loud bickering pulled him from his reverie. Several prefects that looked to be in their 5th year were arguing loudly. He rolled his eyes and strolled over. Might as well get to work.

Back to Lily's P.O.V.

Lily went to the podium and dropped her bag to the floor.

"Excuse me? Could everyone find there seats? I'd like to get started," Lily said loudly.

The crowd hushed and moved to find seats. She counted them with her finger. 24. They were all here.

James had come to stand beside her while she was counting. He smiled at her and sat down behind the podium. She smiled lightly back and turned her attention to the prefects.

"Hi, I'm Lily Evans and this is James Potter," Lily said calmly. James waved a hand lightly when she said his name. A small laugh went through the teens.

"As you probably know, we are the Heads for the year. Keep in mind, that even though we are in charge, we will pull only our own weight. Everyone in this room will cooperate and participate in the events we will be putting together," Lily stated.

"Anyone that doesn't or causing unnecessary trouble will be dealt with Professor Dumbledore. James and I aren't your babysitters," she said, stressing the last word.

She turned. "Do you have anything else to add, James?"

James acknowledged the questions with the shake of the head. "You hit the nail on the head there, Lily." Another laugh shook the prefects.

Lily shook her head while grinning. He was funny.

She resumed a serious expression as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the podium.

"Normal meetings will take place on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6 to 6:30 in the library. Every one of you is required to take one day of the week to patrol the castle. Pairing with people in your own house is not allowed."

A groan went up among the prefects. James pointed to Lily's back as the prefects looked pleadingly toward him. It wasn't his idea.

"Also remember that you are supposed to take disciplinary actions when you see a school rule broken. You aren't allowed to take points or give detention, however, you are bound by obligation to report it. And finally, you are all to be on your best behavior. After three detentions, your badge will be revoked.

James stood up behind her.

"And remember to have fun."

Lily turned around, a questioning look lingering on her features.

James winced. "Okay, no fun. Just work."

Another laugh went through the crowd. Lily grinned lightly.

"It might seem like pointless work, but it will get fun, trust me. And on that note, you are free to go." Lily finished.

Everyone quickly stood up and tried to get to the door first. Lily and James watched in amusement until every prefect was gone. Then they turned to each other.

James stood his hand out.

"James Potter, at your service."

Lily grinned and grasped his calloused hand with her small one.

"Lily Evans, at yours."


	3. Questions and Answers

Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Enjoy this chapter!

Lily smiled back into James' contagious grin. Even though he wasn't who she wanted him to be, he seemed nice. She motioned to the window seat behind them.

"You want to sit down? We have some stuff to discuss," Lily said politely as she lightly waved a hand in the general direction of the window.

James groaned. "Fantastic, more Head stuff." But nevertheless, he grinned and took the seat offered to him.

Lily hid another smile with her hand. He was pretty funny.

She drew her legs up onto the velvety surface and wrapped her hands around her legs tightly. She didn't really know how to start this. She inspected him again.

He lounged there comfortably, hands folded against his broad chest, his strong back resting against the window pane. Behind his glasses, deep hazel eyes peered at her intensely. A lock of jet black hair fell attractively into his eyes.

James Potter. A Marauder. Known for playing pranks, getting in trouble, and going through girls like socks. He was never serious, never practical, and had no moral fiber.

He was everything she was not. Two opposites playing the same part.

James hesitated at her silence. She shamelessly was looking at him, taking him in, probably sizing him up. It was kind of unnerving.

"Excused me for asking, but, what are you looking at?" James asked as politely as possible.

The corners of her mouth twitched, and her hard eyes softened a bit.

She sighed and tightened her grip around her legs.

"I'm just trying to figure out what Dumbledore was on when he made us Heads."

James tipped his head back and laughed.

"It had to be something strong; putting two of the most different people together."

Lily smiled to herself. Then he knew things about her too.

"Really," she said, releasing her legs and crossing her arms over her chest.

"What do you know about me that makes us so different?"

James grinned inwardly. She was good, testing to see how much he knew about her before she asked about him.

He crossed his arms again, mirroring her posture.

"Ok, if you want to play that way, we will. Let's play 21 questions, except asking questions about _ourselves_ to the other person."

A confused look flitted across her face for a second.

"Huh?"

James grinned.

"I ask you a question about myself, and you answer. Then we see how accurate our initial judgments are and how well we know each other. For example," James thought out loud, "who is my best friend?"

Lily hesitated. "Sirius Black."

James grinned again, this time receiving one in return. "Correct."

"Who's mine?"

James' grin got wider.

"Natalie Smith."

"Correct."

James put a hand to his chin, pretending to think hard. "Let's see… What position do I play in Quidditch?"

Lily smirked. "Seeker. How many years have I been a prefect?

"One." There was no hesitation.

Lily's smirk was exchanged for a confused look. She raised her eyesbrows.

James smiled lightly. "Remus."

Comprehension dawned on her. Remus was another good friend of James, also in the Marauders. He had been a prefect with her.

"Who is my worst enemy?"

Lily hesitated again, a thoughtful look emerging from her features. This had to be trick question.

"Lucius Malfoy"

A surprised look graced James' features. "Good. How did you know it wasn't Snape?"

Lily grinned. "Your cocky attitude gave you away."

James still looked confused, not registering the subtle insult.

Lily smirked. "You would never consider Snape a real enemy, just some greasy kid you can beat up on the play ground. He's no threat to you, therefore not making him a formidable enemy."

James put his hand to his chin again. "True, true…" The hand left the chin and ran a through his hair.

"What's my favorite subject?"

"Charms. Mine?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts. What's my trademark?"

James grinned and reached out a hand and ruffled her crimson locks. She ducked his hand and impatiently swatted it away.

"Your hair."

Lily snorted. "Ok, sure…"

"What's mine?" James asked. He wanted to know what she thought.

She grinned evily and sat up. She reached a hand into the pocket of his robes, ignoring the confused look on James' features. She pulled it out again and held the golden ball in front of his face.

"This."

James laughed. It was true. He was notorious for having a snitch with him at all times, taking it out to play with it when bored.

"Clever, Ms. Evans, clever. May I have it back please?"

She grinned and let it go. But before he could grab it, she snatched it back, just letting him know that he wasn't the only one that could catch a snitch.

He smiled softly and pulled it from her hand lightly. She grinned back.

"What do you know of my reputation?"

James hesitated and thought before answering.

"I know you're really smart," he said slowly. He hesitated. "and independent and stubborn and confident. But also, you have strong self-control."

She smiled. He heaved a breath of relief. Apparently people thinking that she was empty hearted was no news to her.

"What about me?"

"I know you're cocky and arrogant. You love to beat up on Snape and to play pranks. Detention means absolutely nothing to you, you love to play Quidditch, and you go through girls like there's no tomorrow." She finished, a rare smile gracing her face. "Anything else I forgot?"

James faked thinking very hard. "No, no I think you got it all." He paused, and grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. "So you have me all figured out huh?"

She grinned back. "Pretty much."

"Fantastic. Then we can end this game and go back to our friends"

She inspected her fingernails. "Although we got absolutely nothing done with any relation to our Head Duties, yes, yes, we can." She moved to stand up, but James grabbed her hand.

She looked at him, an expectant look on her face.

"I have one more question."

She smiled and sat back down.

"Shoot."

He hesitated.

"Why were you so disappointed when I first walked in here?"

Her smile melted right off her face. Lily's body stiffened and those barriers went up. Her eyes darkened and she wrapped her arms around herself.

"It's not your turn," she said softly, looking down. She played with the frayed edges of the hangings. She didn't want to bring it up.

James sensed her discomfort, but didn't want to let it go.

He tried again. "Were you expecting someone else, or…"

She cut him off sharply, the only thing giving her away was her slightly shaking voice.

Her face was a void of emotion.

"There's no one else."

James sighed. It was something to bring up later.


	4. Friends and Family

you everyone that reviewed! Please keep reading and reviewing; I love the feedback.

Lily slid down the compartment door until she was sitting on the ground and put her head in her hands, thinking over what just had happened.

Everything had been fine, things had been going so well. James and she had gotten along. They were chatting and learning more about themselves. She had relaxed.

Then he was mentioned.

She sighed and lifted her head, letting it softly bump against the panes of the door. She was starting too actually _like_ James; he was easy to talk to, funny, and the entire time she was with him, she hadn't thought about _him_.

She bumped her head against the door again, a little harder than the first time.

How had he seen? She re-ran the scene through her head. She had taken a half a moment to calm herself when he had walked in. She sighed. Apparently, that split second had allowed James Potter to see more into her than anyone ever had.

She closed her eyes. What now?

She had stalked right out of that compartment, grabbing her bag and taking a step in one fluid movement. She hadn't looked back, didn't want to see his face, but she could imagine his expression.

As Lily Evans was as open as a rock, James Potter could be read like a book.

She opened her eyes and tried to guess what James had been feeling.

Apologetic? Possibly.

Disappointed? Maybe.

She stood up slowly and walked over to the window, resting her arms on the sill and her forehead against the glass. It fogged up with her breath.

Indescribably sad? Definitely.

She lightly traced a mildew drop as it crawled its way down, painting a picture with her mind light hazel eyes darkened with sadness.

She had seen hopefulness when he had asked the question. His eyes had softened, and he had looked hesitant, but firm.

She absently watched as the drop collided with another, joining together and picking up speed.

"Fan- bloody-tastic," she whispered to herself.

This was exactly what she needed. After an entire summer of nearly killing herself with hopefulness, and then being sorely disappointed, she now faced an awkward conversation with a guy that wanted nothing but to know more about her.

Her slender fingers tightened into a loose fist as she half heartedly bumped the window to hasten the pace of the water droplet.

It slowly wound its way down the window, curving around other droplets and running over the smooth glass. She watched it disappear below the window.

She pushed herself away from the window and surveyed it steadily. She would just have to apologize and make up some half- crap story about what had happened. She turned, surveying the random compartment that she had run into as soon as she had left the Head Room.

After all, she though bitterly, I am the expert at hiding my emotions. Lying can't be that hard.

And with that she swung open the door, and strode out into the corridor, confident and strong, a strong contrast of the weak, sobbing girl that had entered.

James Potter watched Lily silently leave, his mind screaming at him to follow her, his conscience shaking its head at his forwardness.

He only lowered his gaze when she had closed the door completely and he could no longer see her distorted figure through the glass.

He turned in his seat and banged his head on the wall several times. Why had he asked the question? He knew that only a couple things could upset Lily, and when he finally had seen one, he had to bring it up and ruin a nice conversation.

He stopped banging his head and turned his back to it once more, leaning back softly, letting his arms fall listlessly to his lap. His eyes closed.

There was obviously something she wasn't telling him. Something about a someone. If this wasn't about a good relationship gone bad, James would eat his broomstick.

He distractedly ran a hand through his dark locks. Who could have Lily Evans, the ice queen of Hogwarts, wound around their finger? He thought hard, squinting his eyes and bringing his palms up to his cheeks.

He shook his head absently and moved to stand up.

It was a thought to ponder on a rainy day. He picked up his bag and walked to the door, winding in between the seats that had been occupied not 20 minutes ago. He reached the door, but with a hand on the doorknob, turned and glanced back at the window seat, picturing a distraught young red head with green eyes drowned in disappointment.

He sighed and left the room silently.

Lily walked down the corridor, checking random compartments, thoughts still swirling in her head. She was looking for her best friend, Natalie Smith.

She remembered her dear friend as she checked another compartment. As Lily was fair, Natalie was dark. Natalie had always been more curvaceous than Lily. She had long legs that guys would die for, a tiny waist, and an ample chest that drew much attention. A belly ring pierced her flat stomach.

She had long, straight, very shiny, jet black hair that fell in light layers to the small of her back and side bangs that swept across beautiful, deep blue eyes. The deep set sapphire orbs were complimented by flawless olive skin and long curly lashes. Full lips and pearly whites finished one of the most beautiful girls at Hogwarts.

Lily had always envied Natalie's beauty, but most of all, her charm. If she had been some ugly hag, Natalie still would have had to beat men off with a stick.

Lily unconsciously grinned as she reached the back of the train. If there was one thing that made them the best of friends, it was their contrasting personalities.

Natalie could charm anyone into liking her. Her wit, humor, and kind personality caused all of Hogwarts to bend down on their knees and worship her. While Lily was more reserved and didn't like to be the center of attention, Natalie bathed in the spotlight and could entertain groups of people for hours on end.

And though her perfect exterior had convinced everyone, Natalie came from a very broken family. Her only living relative was her uncle, and he was in Azkaban. The rest of her family was dead.

She had lived in an orphanage as long as she could remember, but had hated it there. She had always said that Dumbledore had been angel when he had taken her away.

Lily reached the last compartment and pulled it open, revealing a beautiful girl lying on one of the seats, a magazine in hand.

She glanced up from the article she was reading and saw Lily standing there. She slowly stood up and opened her arms, a questioning look gracing her soft features.

And Lily burst into tears for the second time that day and ran into them.

James swung open a compartment door and surveyed his three best friends.

First, there was Sirius Black. Easily the most attractive man in all of Hogwarts, Sirius had pitch black hair, falling in attractive layers that brushed his shoulders. He had piercing black eyes, a sharp nose, and a body to rival James'. They both played Quidditch at school; James as Seeker and Sirius as Keeper.

Sirius also came from a broken family. All his relatives were dark wizards and supported hate groups against muggleborns. He had been disowned his first day at Hogwarts when he was sorted into Gryfindor house. He had been living with James ever since.

James shifted his gaze to his other best friend. Though he and Sirius were like brothers, Remus held a strong connection between the two. Suffering from lycanthropy from a young age, Remus Lupin had been allowed to come to Hogwarts under strict conditions. And one of those conditions was to never tell anyone about his "furry little problem," as James had dubbed it as soon as he found out. And though he had kept his promise and tried to excuse his monthly departures with lies, his friends soon discovered his secret, and further more, just last year, had managed to become Animagi to be with their friend during his harsher times.

Remus had sandy blond hair, a lanky frame, and chocolate brown eyes. He stood 2 inches shorter than Sirius and James' tall figure.

Last, was Peter Pettigrew. James, Sirius, and Remus had adopted him in their second year. He was always teased by the Slytherins, and when they had stood up for him, he had unspokenly became one of the infamous group called the Marauders.

James surveyed his friends slowly, taking in their questioning looks.

Sirius silently cleared a spot next to him so his friend could sit. James took the offered seat, taking in the mess that had become the Marauder compartment. Candy wrappers and magazines littered the floor while books and robes were slung haphazardly on the seats.

James fell into the seat, sprawled unattractively in the little space he was given. Sirius' gaze returned to his magazine.

"So how did it go?" Sirius questioned lightly, eyes still on the magazine.

"Not good," came the murmured reply

Remus studied him intently.

"Who's Head Girl?"

James sighed and put a hand over his eyes, blocking out the sunlight from the slightly ajar curtains.

"Lily Evans," he responded carelessly.

Sirius's eyes stopped roving the page, his face screwed up in concentration, no doubt trying to remember if he had ever snogged her.

James raised his head slightly and cracked two fingers open to see Sirius in deep thought. He sighed and dropped his head back on the seat.

"Forget it mate, you've never hit this one, trust me."

Sirius looked shocked.

"Is she gay?"

Remus rolled his eyes and Peter snickered. James sat up and punched him in the arm, while laughing.

"No, you idiot, isn't it possible for a girl, who is straight, to not like you?" James asked lightly, a smirk lingering on his face.

"Of course not James," Remus interrupted, eyes scanning quickly over text in one of their school books. "All women are created to please Sirius Black."

He paused and looked up at Sirius, an incredulous look lingering over his features. "Isn't that true?"

"I wish it was." Sirius said quietly to himself as he resumed his reading.

Peter giggled again.

Remus broke his disgusted gaze off of Sirius and turned to James, who was lying on the seat, now both hands covering his face. His expression turned to concern.

"Lily Evans… Do we know her?" Sirius asked, sitting up from his slumped position and allowed James to stretch out more.

"Isn't she that red-headed girl? The one that never smiles?" Peter asked, looking questioningly at Remus, then to James' prostrate form and back again, trying to see if anyone agreed with him.

James grinned from underneath his hands and nodded lightly.

Sirius looked at Remus and shook his head thoughtfully. He had never snogged her.

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius' priorities and tried again. "So, what happened?"

James moved his hands and stared fixedly at the ceiling. He hesitated.

"She wasn't very happy to see me," he said slowly.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

"No offense, mate, but I wouldn't have expected you to be Head Boy either."

Remus glared at his friend and then turned back to James, waiting patiently for him to continue.

James hesitated again and sat up, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

"I think she wanted someone else to be Head Boy."

"Do you know who?" Peter interrupted.

James shook his head as far as his hands would allow.

"No."

Sirius inspected his friend seriously and then glanced at Remus.

"And?"

James released his head and sat back in his seat eyes trained on the floor.

"And… I asked who it was, and she freaked."

Sirius winced. "Did she throw things?" he asked knowingly.

James laughed again and shook his head.

"Lily Evans doesn't throw things."

Comprehension dawned on Remus' face.

"Ahhh… Lily Evans."

Sirius looked confused.

"You know her?"

Remus nodded slowly, still searching James' face. After a second, he sat back in his seat and looked at Sirius.

"I was prefect with her. Flawless self-control. She's really nice, seems almost perfect. No problems at all."

James' eyes snapped up.

"She has problems."

Remus gazed at him curiously. "How so?"

James sat up again, hands waving in his rant.

"I've never spoken to her in my entire life, and the first time we actually look at each other, I see, what, something no one else has seen? Come on…" he said glanced at all of them in turn. "What are the chances that the first time I meet her, she decides to stop acting like a rock and show a little emotion?"

He paused again and slumped back to his original position.

"No," he murmured. "There's definitely something wrong with Lily Evans."

Lily was lying in the compartment in a similar position as James was. A hand over her eyes, back to the seat, legs dangling over Natalie's.

She wiped her eyes haphazardly, wincing as she pictured what she must look like. While some girls could cry and look beautiful, it never worked on Lily.

Natalie was soothingly stoking her free hand.

"You ready to talk?"

Lily hesitated and then sat up, resting a head on Natalie's shoulder.

"Yes."

Natalie smiled softly and wrapped her arms around her friend. Her hands moved to Lily's hair.

"What happened?"

Lily shook her head absently and pushed herself up to look at Natalie head on.

"It wasn't just what happened in there," she said, wiping her eyes again. "It has just been building up since last year, when… you know…"

Natalie nodded quickly.

Lily lightly ran her fingers over the tacky carved designs that adorned all the Hogwarts Express furniture.

She hesitated. "He never wrote me back."

Natalie's face darkened. "What a jerk."

That cracked a small smile on Lily's face.

"Thank you," she said in a watery voice, "but I had hoped, you know, because I was Head Girl…"

"I know, I know…" Natalie crooned soothingly.

Lily shook her head and started to dissolve into tears again.

Natalie hesitated before grabbing Lily's hands in her own.

"Lily, listen to me," she said softly. "This isn't like you. None of this is like you. That jerk" she waved a hand absently as if she knew where he was, "isn't worth crying over."

Lily moaned softly, diverting her eyes to the other side of the compartment.

Natalie smiled softly and brought Lily's gaze back to hers.

"You made a mistake, clear and simple." She said gently. "If he was the guy for you, he would have gotten over it by now. If he doesn't want you back, it's his problem."

Lily gave a tiny nod, a tear running slowly down her face.

Natalie lightly wiped it away, smiling into Lily's emerald green eyes.

"You know what?" she asked lightly.

A watery "What?" replied.

Natalie grasped her hands again.

"You're strong, and confident, and the Lily I know would shoot herself before crying for any man." She said confidently. "If you want him back, Lily, you will get him back. Because you're determined and stubborn, and strong, and no one, not even him, can hurt you." She said, her blue eyes blazing.

Lily nodded again, the tear falling in her lap.

Natalie shrugged lightly with a smile on her face.

"Lily," she said quietly. "This isn't you."

Silence flooded the compartment.

Lily then reached over and hugged her friend tightly, not releasing her for awhile.

"Thank you."


	5. Pranks and Secrets

Hi everyone! Enjoy. Please review!

Lily was in the same stance as she was only an hour before. Right hand raised in a fist, poised right before knocking on the glass panes of a compartment door, features blank. She didn't know how long she had been standing there; it felt like ages, not bringing herself to knock on the door.

"Just do it," Natalie whispered soothingly behind her. Lily had forced her to come for moral support.

Lily took a deep breath and gently rapped her knuckles on the glass.

She let it out.

Nothing happened.

She knocked again, a little harder this time.

Nothing happened.

Natalie made a sound behind her, between a huff and a snort. She reached around Lily and forcibly opened the door.

They both rolled their eyes at the same time and exchanged knowing looks. The sight of four grown men sprawled across the compartment dead asleep wasn't much of a surprise.

Lily surveyed them all calmly while Natalie walked right in.

A short boy Lily thought was named Peter was sprawled unattractively over the seats, one hand dangling over the side and the other coming close to his drooling mouth. His legs were propped up against Remus Lupin who had his head against the window and his legs curled up underneath him. He looked extremely squashed.

Lily screwed her face up at the body on the floor she knew was Sirius Black. Natalie stopped grinning. He was strewn on top of books and wrappers, coiled in the fetal position. Lily turned worriedly around in time to see Natalie look of absolute loathing.

Natalie and Sirius had been deadly enemies since 5th year. They absolutely loathed each other. At the end of that term, in front of everyone, Natalie had admitted her feelings about Black. She poured out her heart, told every little feeling she had for him, and she had looked at him, and he looked at her, and he did the worst possible thing.

He had laughed.

He had laughed and laughed and laughed. Soon everyone had been laughing; laughing at poor Natalie's broken heart, and hurt feelings.

Lily understood that look of loathing contorted on Natalie's face. She, being a muggleborn, had enough problems dealing with taunts of "Mudblood." But, no one, not even Lily, could admit, that what Natalie had experienced had been the worst.

Lily tore her concerned face from Natalie's look of hatred at a loud snore. 

James Potter was strewn on the other seat, one hand underneath his head, the other hanging over the seat, his legs, bent, and leaning on the wall.

Lily felt breathless for a second. She couldn't look away. He looked so… peaceful. She took him in, her head cocked to the side, from his odd positioned body, to the glasses slipping off his nose.

She stared for a couple seconds, and then was startled out of her reverie from feeling Natalie move around her. She only saw the evil smile on her friend's face.

"Natalie! Don't!" she whispered urgently, half exasperated, half excited.

Natalie was now hovered over Sirius, her back to Lily.

"Aguamenti!" she murmured quietly.

She stood back and admired her handiwork. She turned to Lily, a toothy grin emerging on her face. She moved back toward Lily, smirking as she did so. Lily had to stuff a fist in her mouth to keep from laughing.

Their eyes roved over the four boys once again, and then Lily knocked loudly on the inside of the door.

It was worth the commotion. All of the boys jumped awake. Peter's legs compulsively straightened, kicked Remus in the neck, causing him to drop a book that was being held in his lap. Sirius had sat up; bolt upright, his head making connection with the window sill above him. He yowled, hands on his head, just as Remus' book had fell, right on "little Sirius." James had rolled off the seat, narrowly missing the screaming Sirius, one hand massaging his head, which he was sure was cracked in two, and the other holding his dick.

The commotion, and Sirius' screaming and caused other compartments to open, and people came out in streams, craning their heads to see into the compartment. Lily and Natalie stepped out of the way, ready to oblige.

Peter was blearily wiping his eyes and apologizing profusely to Remus, who was massaging his throat and glaring at Peter. James was clutching his butt, which had cushioned his fall, and Sirius was yowling and convulsing, now both hands gripping you-know-where.

Then all four heads had turned their way, and seeing an audience, jumped up to their feet, which in Sirius' case was the wrong thing to do.

There was silence. And then…

Natalie's laughter was the only sound in the corridor and compartment. And after a few seconds, everyone, in the corridor, Natalie, even Lily, was laughing hysterically.

The four boys looked extremely confused, their brains still not fully working correctly. Then James, Remus, and Peter looked at Sirius, and then their gazes flicked down. They were soon roaring with laughter with everyone else.

Sirius was even more confused. He looked down. And what he saw didn't make him laugh.

A large wet spot had encompassed the entirety of his crotch area.

And Sirius turned bright red. His eyes roved over James, who was clutching his stomach, Remus, who was wiping his eyes, Peter, who looked like he was going to wet himself too, and then came to rest on Natalie Smith, his sworn enemy, who was laughing so hard, she had to grab Lily to support herself, her head swung back, hair cascading down her back, laughter escaping her open mouth.

Slowly, the group dispersed, everyone going back to their rightful compartment. But Lily and Natalie hadn't moved, Lily's laughter now replaced with a slight apologetic look, Natalie still giggling periodically and wiping tears from her eyes. James, Remus, and Peter had sat down, grins still on their faces.

Sirius hadn't moved.

He was glaring at Natalie so hard, Lily was sure he was going to burn a hole right through her. This didn't seem to bother Natalie. She just smirked back into the glare, gasps of air coming through her as she tried to catch her breath.

There was another pause of silence.

"I'll be going then," Natalie said happily, still smiling, and she opened the compartment door, and was gone.

Sirius still hadn't moved.

Lily cleared her throat awkwardly.

"James… could I have a word?"

James jumped at being addressed, as if he was finally realizing she was there.

"Yeah, sure… okay," he said, running a hand through his hair. He followed Lily out of the compartment.

Sirius glared after them, and then glanced at Peter and Remus, who were determinedly not looking at him. He pulled out his wand, and gave a complicated wave, causing his pants to dry out.

He glared at Peter and Remus again, daring them to laugh, as he sat down, grabbing a chocolate frog and ripping its head off as he went.

Remus glanced up, and gave Sirius a hearty smile.

"What are you smiling at?" Sirius grunted.

Remus grinned and pulled his book back toward himself.

"Karma's a bitch."

Sirius glared at Remus.

"Shut up."

Lily had led James into an empty compartment. They were sitting across from each other. Lily's only show of nervousness was the occasional wringing of her hands.

There was silence for a while, neither of them looking at the other.

"Sorry," they both blurted out at the same time.

"What are you sorry for?" they said together again.

Lily laughed lightly and James grinned.

"Listen," Lily said firmly, staring him into the eyes. "about what happened in the heads room. I just was…"

Lily hesitated. She and Natalie had worked on a believable story to tell James about what had happened, but all of a sudden, she didn't want to use it.

James waited patiently, trying and failing to guess what she was thinking.

He sighed and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees.

"Look, it's really my fault; it was stupid of me to ask a personal question…"

"- No, I just overreacted…"

"- I knew that you weren't comfortable answering…"

"- you had every right…"

"- but I asked anyway…"

"- I was being stupid…"

"- I just thought I should know…"

"-I'm telling you, you had every right…"

"- if there was someone else."

There was another ringing silence.

Lily opened her mouth to lie, but nothing came out.

"There is," she blurted out.

James widened his eyes in shock. Did Lily Evans just confide in him?

Lily was as surprised as him. What was she doing? She was gaping like a goldfish, trying to understand why she had told him. She didn't even know this guy.

"Who?"

James kicked himself mentally as soon as he had asked this question. He had one answer, wasn't that enough? He could see her now; walking out of the compartment, never speaking to him again…"

"Caradoc Dearborn."

Lily almost screamed in frustration. What was she doing? What the hell was she doing? She mentally pulled her hair out. She was the queen of self-control! Her mouth didn't feel like hers anymore. It felt like some demon had possessed her to tell the truth.

James could see horror etched on Lily's face. He looked down, mind working fast. If he could see horror on her face, he couldn't imagine what she feeling on the inside. Should he tell her?

He glanced up to see Lily staring at him, blank features once again on her face.

She had confided in him, shouldn't he confide in her?

Lily stood up to leave, her body not seeming to be functioning correctly. She had to hold onto the wall as she stumbled to the door, her mind clouded with confusion. She had one hand on the door when she heard him.

"I wanted it to be someone else too."

Lily stopped, trying to arrange blank features back to her face, but none would come. She spun around, causing James to jump a bit.

"What?"

James hesitated, his eyes wide with disbelief, as if he didn't understand why he was doing this.

"I wanted someone else to be Head Girl."

Lily sat down, relief flooding her. She wasn't the only one.

"Who?" she asked faintly, still not believing her ears.

James paused. It was a full minute before he answered. His face was contorted, as if he was fighting his instincts.

"Dorcas Meadows," he said softly, sighing, as if the battle waging within him was over.

There was silence.

"Why?"

James glanced up again, finding Lily's vivid green eyes boring holes inside him.

"We were going out for a long time," he said, almost curiously. "and then we broke up. I wanted it to be her." He cocked his head questionly. "What about you?"

Lily wasn't moving. She sat perfectly still, her mind roaring at her, making it difficult to work out her thoughts. This was too much.

She swayed lightly and then fell back to her seat.

"Me too."

Now James slumped back in his seat. This was too much.

They sat in silence for awhile, not talking or looking at each other.

"I know Caradoc," James said finally, sitting back in his seat. "He's on the Quidditch team with me. He plays…"

"Chaser," Lily said quietly. "I know."

Silence overtook them again.

"Dorcas is a good friend of mine," Lily murmured faintly. "But I never knew you guys were together."

James looked at the ground sheepishly. "We didn't tell anyone."

Lily hesitated, then met his gaze squarely. "Neither did we."

James looked away.

"You want her back, don't you?"

"You do too," James said slightly accusatorily.

Lily hesitated and looked out the window.

"Yes, I suppose I do."


	6. Fights and Arguments

Lily opened her compartment door, revealing Natalie strewn over a seat, talking animatedly. Her audience included three fourth years, sitting cross legged on the floor, entranced and heartily amused by her story. Four heads snapped up at the compartment door opening.

Lily surveyed them all with a raised eyebrow.

"I hope I'm not interrupting."

Natalie grinned and waved a hand carelessly.

"We're done anyway." She then turned her attention back to the girls, pointing her finger at them.

"Remember what we discussed. Try and spread it to anyone who wants to hear about it. Actually, I don't care if they don't want to hear it. Say it anyway," Natalie said seriously.

Then she grinned again and dismissed them. Lily moved so they could leave. They scampered into the corridor, all disappearing into different rooms. Lily looked back at Natalie, who was now lying on her back, hands beneath her head, looking perfectly content.

Lily sat down across from her.

"You are the most evil person I have ever met."

Natalie grinned and closed her eyes.

"I wouldn't want it any other way."

James opened his compartment door to a different scene then he had just left.

Peter was sitting on one of the seats, short legs dangling over the sides, not touching the floor. Sirius had Remus in a head lock, and Remus looked like he was going to go into cardiac arrest any second.

"TAKE IT BACK!" Sirius roared in his ear.

Remus gasped, trying to take in air, but through his nearly purple complexion, he had a hint of a grin.

"No."

Sirius roared even louder.

"TAKE IT BACK!"

"No."

James leaped forward and pulled Sirius off. Remus fell to the floor gasping and massaging his throat, but otherwise unharmed. He still had that antagonizing smirk on his face.

James was now holding Sirius back as he lunged for Remus. Holding him back with one hand, he plunged the other into his robes, and pulled out his wand.

"Pertificus Totalus!"

Remus and Sirius both lay stiff as a board, Remus frozen with the smirk, Sirius, with hatred.

James took a deep breath and stowed his wand back in his robes. Then he turned to Peter.

"What happened?"

Peter started swinging his feet, delighted to being asked a question.

"Well, it started when you left…"

_Flashback:_

"_Karma's a bitch."_

_Sirius glared at Remus._

"_Shut up." _

_Remus went back to reading his book. _

"_Why do you hate Natalie so much?" Peter piped up._

_Sirius snorted and ripped another piece off his chocolate frog. _

"_I can't believe you're asking that question."_

_Remus put his book down and looked into space. _

"_I think Peter has a point."_

_Peter squealed excitedly. _

_Sirius turned almost seriously to Remus. _

"_What the hell are you talking about?"_

_Remus leaned forward. _

"_Why do you hate Natalie? I understand her hating you, after 5th year, but I never really understood why it was reciprocated."_

"_That's easy, she…"_

"_What? What did she do?" Peter chimed in again._

_Sirius gaped openmouthed, mouth moving like a goldfish._

_Remus sat back in his seat a triumphant look on his face. _

_Sirius glared. "What are you so happy about?"_

_Remus smirked at Peter. _

"_I know why little Sirius hates Natalie so much!" he said in singsong voice._

"_Why?" Peter tried to say in a singsong voice. _

_Remus only spared him one exasperated look before changing back to his singsong voice._

"_I think little Sirius might have an ity bity crush on Natalie!"_

_Peter gasped and Sirius stared. _

"_What the hell are you talking about?"_

_Remus abandoned the singsong voice. _

"_You hate Natalie because you can never have her. And because you can't have her, you want her. But you can't have her because she hates you. So you hate her." _

_Peter looked lost. Sirius still stared._

"_What the hell are you talking about?"_

_Remus continued as if he hadn't heard him._

"_And because you've liked her ever since she told you she liked you, you're afraid to stop hating her, because then she might stop hating you, and if she stopped hating you, you would have a shot with her, but you don't want that." _

"_He doesn't?" Peter said, very confused._

_Remus stared Sirius down. _

"_No, Peter, Sirius Black is scared."_

"_What is he scared of?"_

"_Peter, in all the history of Hogwarts, Sirius Black has been the one-night-stand guy. Peter, in all the history of Hogwarts, Sirius Black has never, ever, had a steady girlfriend."_

_Sirius jumped to his feet, knocked books and candy wrappers everywhere. _

"_TAKE IT BACK!"_

_Remus grinned at Peter, and said firmly:_

"_No."_

_Sirius pulled him into a headlock._

"_TAKE IT BACK!" _

"… and then you came in and pulled them apart." Peter finished.

James looked at Sirius and then to Remus and then to Sirius again.

"You like Smith?"

Sirius' death glare at Remus changed to incredulous as it gazed up at James.

"I never knew."

Peter swung his feet again. "Neither did we."

James pulled out his wand again.

"If I take the curse off of you, will you guys sit like civilized beings?"

Remus and Sirius both rolled their eyes.

It was good enough for James. He removed the curse.

Sirius and Remus stood up and sat down on opposite sides of the room.

"Are we good?"

Sirius nodded hesitantly.

"Good. Because I need to tell you guys something." He said, reaching over and closing the compartment door.

…

"I already told you, I don't know why!"

Lily had told Natalie what she had told James.

Natalie was shocked.

"Why the hell did you tell him? I took you three months to tell me. And you broke in three minutes!"

Lily put a hand to her head.

"I don't know why I told him. I just did."

Natalie shook her head.

"Do you regret it?"

Lily purposefully banged her head back against the wall.

"I feel like I'm going to."

…

"YOU DID WHAT!"

James slumped more in his seat, cradling his face in his hands.

"I know, I know, it was stupid, but…"

"YOU DID WHAT?"

James didn't say anything. Peter look confused, Remus looked stricken, and Sirius was in complete shock.

"YOU DID…"

"SHUT UP SIRIUS!"

James looked up gratefully at Remus, but was only greeted by that stricken look.

"What happened James?"

"I had to tell her. It wouldn't be fair, she confid…"

He stopped. Before parting, Lily and James had promised the other that they wouldn't tell the other's secret.

He paused.

"She had trusted me, so I trusted her."

Sirius looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel.

"It took you 3 months to tell us about her! And now this girl gets it out of you in 3 minutes!"

"Shut up, Sirius. It was my secret to tell." James said quietly.

There was silence in the compartment.

"Do you regret it?"

"Not yet."

"Are you going to regret it?"

"Most likely."


	7. Tripping and Falling

Thank you so much to all of my reviewers! I love you all! ENJOY!

Lily wrung with her hands nervously as she watched the enormous Hogwarts castle loom closer. She was sitting in her compartment, across from Natalie, who was fast asleep. She shifted her gaze toward her friend, and then back to the window.

She put her head in her hands, leaning forward on her knees. She didn't know what to anticipate for her and James' next meeting.

She closed her eyes fiercely to prevent her eyes from watering. Why did she screw everything up! Things were going to be awkward now.

She leaned back against the cushion and loosened the tight expression on her face. What would she say?

"Maybe I should just pretend nothing happened," she thought to herself, resuming the wringing of her wrists. She gazed again at her sleeping friend. She almost wanted to wake her up, to talk, to hear reassuring words from her.

Lily shook her head lightly and stole another glance through the window. She wouldn't wake her friend. She just didn't want to sit here and suffer her own thoughts.

She sighed and stood up. Hogwarts almost unfamiliar towers were coming ever so close. It was her and James' job to escort students off the train.

She stowed her wand within her robes and quietly opened the door to the corridor to not wake Natalie. She stepped out quickly and closed it soundlessly, then took off down the hallway, straightening her hair and robes as she went.

It took her a good five minutes to reach the front of train, and after turning the last corner, she almost ran straight into James.

She nearly stumbled back onto the hem of her robes, catching herself before falling. James was not as lucky.

James took a fast step back, landing onto the hem of his robes, and before being able to straighten up, tripped spectacularly on a shoe lace onto his back, landing in a cloud of waving arms and black robes.

Lily almost started laughing. The whole thing looked absolutely obscene. She brushed herself off and straightened her robes again while James managed to sit up with a grimace.

He checked himself over for injury, then turned an incredulous look upward toward Lily, who was now fixing her hair.

"Well, it's good to know your hair's okay," he said, trying and failing to stand up.

She pulled a mirror out of the folds of her robe.

"Don't worry," she said seriously, peering into her reflection. "You didn't manage to mess it up to much."

James shook his head grinning, as he surveyed his disheveled robes.

Lily grinned. "And I thought this was going to be awkward."

James shook his head and glanced up at her smirking face. "Glad to be of service."

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled out her nail file. "Yeah, well, while you were "being of service," you messed up my hair."

"Sorry about that," James said sarcastically, yet still grinning, starting to brush himself off.

"It's okay, I forgive you," she said, closing her mirror with a snap, then making it disappear under her robes. "What happened to you was almost as bad."

James grinned again as he lifted his hands in an attempt to get her to help him up.

Lily glanced over, now filing her nails, an incredulous look gracing her features.

It was returned with a puppy dog face.

She tried not to look too disgusting as she reached down and pulled him up.

He brushed himself off some more.

She returned to her nails, trying to not look too interested.

"No harm done?"

James pulled an invisible piece of dust off himself. "Not worried about me, are you, Lily dear?"

Lily stopped filing her nails and fixed him with a look. "Don't flatter yourself," she said, returning to her nails. "If you died, I'd have to do all the work."

James laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's nice to know I'd be missed."

Lily hid a grin with her hair as she bent over to put her file away.

She straightened with a slight smile on her face and fixed him with an expectant look.

"Just my pride, milady," James said with a smirk. "And are you alright?"

Lily raised her eyebrows.

"I'm fine, Sir Knight," she said incredulously, "if you didn't notice, you were the only one to trip spectacularly on absolutely nothing."

James laughed again and held out his arm.

"Are we ready?"

Lily rolled her eyes and strode past him.

"What?" he called after her. "Not chivalrous enough for you?"

Lily stopped as she reached the stairwell leading off the train and looked back and shook her head.

"No, that's not it. My knights are balanced, in body," she paused, "and in mind," she said grinning. Then she was gone.

James shook his head and started after her.

"Funny," he muttered to himself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lily watched as old Professor Dumbledore stood up and raised his hand for silence.

The hall instantly quieted.

"Everyone, welcome to a new year at Hogwarts. I know everyone is anxious to start eating, but I have a few announcements before you do. Firstly, as a reminder to older students and as more than a mere suggestion to new students, the Forbidden Forest is forbidden to all…"

Lily slowly started to zone out. She was starving and tired and had heard this speech a hundred times. She noticed Natalie starting to doze.

Lily had had to personally go on board and wake Natalie up. She was what Lily called, a very sound sleeper.

Even now, Natalie was falling asleep again. Lily looked around. None of the seventh years were listening anymore.

Natalie sat up with a snort when a roll from out of nowhere came into contact with her head. Both girls turned toward a snickering Sirius.

Lily saw James roll his eyes and smack his friend upside the head. Lily grinned.

James was actually very easy to talk too. She had thought that their first meeting after their uncomfortable conversation would have been full of awkward silences, but it wasn't. James was entertaining and funny. She enjoyed talking to him and he made time go fast.

"…and please give a warm welcome to your two new Head Students this year, Mr. James Potter and Ms. Lily Evans."

Lily started out of her reverie and stood, knocking her fork to the floor as she did so. James stood up quickly too, elbowing Sirius in the head.

They both sat down again, after some scattered clapping here and there.

"And without further ado, dig in!"

Lily watched as food materialized in front of her, and pulled everything onto her plate.

Natalie watched in disgust. "Nice Lily. Real attractive."

Lily rolled her eyes, but couldn't retort. Her mouth was full of chicken.

After everyone was full and couldn't eat another bite, the delicious desserts disappeared off the plates, leaving shiny and clean.

Dumbledore said several more things, none of which Lily and Natalie listened too, and then dismissed them.

Lily and Natalie let the whole hall disperse before the got up. It was never fun to fight the crowd. Once the flow was down to a trickle, they got up and headed for the doors.

The chatted sleepily until they reached the staircase on which they departed from each other, Natalie to go back to regular dorms, and Lily to go to her new room in the Head dorm.

Lily said goodbye to Natalie and gave a yawned password, which was toadstools, and a large tapestry opened to admit her. She had been here numerous times already, for prefect meetings, so she didn't stop to admire the décor. All she was interested in was going to bed.

As soon as the tapestry closed behind her, a head popped up from behind the couch. Lily jumped.

James chuckled nervously as he stood up.

"Didn't mean to scare you."

Lily waved a hand carelessly. "Don't worry about it. What are you still doing up?"

James ran a hand through his hair and walked over to her, grabbed her hand, and pulled her down to the couch.

"We need to talk."


	8. Hugging and Confiding

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Lily's drowsiness melted away as she gently pulled her hand out of James'. She sat primly on the side of the couch, running slightly trembling hands over her skirt.

James sighed and lay back against the velvet maroon upholstery, rubbing his temples with his hands.

"Is this about what I think it's about?" Lily asked quietly.

James glanced at her, curiously.

"What do you think this is about?"

Lily shot him an incredulous look, and then returned to pulling out stray threads in the couch.

"You know what I think it's about."

James sighed and lowered his hands to stare at the ceiling.

"Fair enough."

Lily stood up suddenly, causing James to start a little. She turned her back to him and folded her arms. It was some time before she spoke.

"I thought we agreed to never speak of it again." Lily said, with a slight tremor in her voice.

James stood up too and pulled her around to face him. His heart almost broke when he saw steel barriers behind her eyes.

"Listen Lily," he said pleadingly, "I just want a little more information. I think that if we are to truly be Heads together, we need to be perfectly honest with each other."

Lily took a step back and shook her head, eyes blank.

"Since when do you need to know everything about me?" she said, eyes narrowing slightly. "This is absolutely none of your business! We can be Heads together without telling our life stories!" she cried, turning around and pacing the room. "I don't understand why you're bringing this up when you know we'll both get upset again!" She stopped and fixed him with an angry look. "You said that you would forget what I told you!"

James strode forward and grabbed her shoulders. She immediately struggled, pulling away as if she had been burned. James cocked his head, confused.

He hesitated and then said, "Come here."

Lily around her as if someone was going to tell her that this was all a joke. No one did.

"What?" she said softly, taking a step back.

James started walking forward to her. "Come here, Lily," he said clearly.

"Why?" she said forcefully, taking another step back, watching him warily.

"Because," he said firmly, "I want to give you a hug."

Lily chuckled uncertainly.

"You're hilarious, you really are," she said, an amused smile lingering on her face.

"I'm serious," he said clearly. "Come here so I can hug you."

Lily's amused smile faltered slightly, her eyes darting around, looking for means of escape.

"Mental… psycho… absolutely mad…" she muttered to herself, as she took another step away from him, her back coming into contact with the wall.

James was merely five feet away from her now, his arms spread wide in hope of being able to wrap his arms around something.

"Come here," James said softly again.

Lily shook her head. "No," she said slowly, as if she was talking to a crazy person.

A hint of triumph passed over James' features.

"Why not?"

Lily hesitated, her doubt fading away. But while she was trying to work out what he had said, he had strode forward and took her into his arms.

Automatically, she began to struggle, trying to push him away. But he was too strong.

He held her tight, not letting her go. Her arms beat weakly against his chest, but to no avail.

"Why are you afraid of me?" he whispered quietly into her hair.

Lily stopped struggling. Why was she?

He rocked her gently, crooning soft words into her hair, holding her tightly.

Lily stared out from over his shoulder, still contemplating. But through her normally fast- paced mind of fast thinking, something new was entering.

Try as she might to ignore it, she was acutely aware of their position. She could feel his strong arms crossing over her back, his mouth gently speaking against her hair, his warmth flooding into her from any place they touched.

Lily was struck dumb by another question that floated into her mind. When was the last time she had been hugged? She wracked her brains.

Lily's eyes grew wide over James' shoulder as she slowly concluded something in her mind. She couldn't remember. It had been that long.

Slowly and hesitantly, Lily raised her arms, and slipped them around his neck, and began to hug him back.

James' response was to squeeze her tighter and to start rubbing her back and smiling against her hair.

Lily couldn't get enough of it. She was floating away in warmth and in the scent of cinnamon and vanilla, strong arms, and the first time ever, feeling truly safe and content.

Her eyes fluttered closed and she inhaled again, letting that cinnamon smell wash over her.

Time flew by. Lily had no idea how long they were just standing there, holding each other, but it didn't matter to her. She loved every second of it. She was gently dozing off when James finally spoke.

"Lily, I'm not trying to pry information from you so we can work better as heads," he said softly into her ear.

He then pulled away gently, pulling her hands from around his neck and holding them tightly to his chest and looking her deeply in the eyes.

"I'm trying to get to know you better, because I want to be friends."

He smiled softly into her disbelieving face, pushed a lock of crimson hair behind her ear, and then pulled away completely, and disappeared into his bedroom.

Lily stood there, frozen, trying not to feel empty and cold. She couldn't work it out. She usually could figure out anything.

She walked over to the couch and laid upon it, letting her feet dangle over the end and her head rest against the arm rest. She stared up at the ceiling.

Did he really mean it? Did he really want to be friends?

Lily had one friend. Natalie. And that was it. End of story.

And James wanted to be friends. Did she?

Lily thought about it long and hard.

Yes.

She wanted James to be her friend.

Lily sat up and glanced at the grandfather clock sitting on the mantle. It read midnight.

Lily stood up and tiptoed to James' door.

She opened it a crack and peered in. It was very dark, but she could make out a lump on the bed, moving almost indiscernibly up and down.

She hesitated for a second, and then soundlessly opened the door a little, letting a beam of light appear on the floor. She stepped in and closed it, afraid that the light would awake him.

She stood still for a moment, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness, then moved forward uncertainly toward the bed.

Though she should have been looking where she going, she peered around his room. Quidditch posters adorned the walls, moving players smiling and waving at her. His trunk lay open at the foot of his bed with clothes hanging out of it. Books littered the floor, as did a path of clothes, showing James' path to his bed.

Lily reached the four- poster and sat down gently at the end, bringing her knees to her chin and resting her back against one of the wooden poles.

She held her breath for a moment, not sure if her weight did anything to disturb him, and then let it out. He was still fast asleep.

She glanced over at his sleeping form. It was very dark, but she could make out his messy hair peeping over the pillow, his long eyelashes folded against his cheek, his strong chest rhythmically moving up and down.

She was now staring intently. He looked exactly like he did in the compartment. Just perfectly and utterly peaceful. She wanted to touch him, to trace the hard line that was his jaw, his sharp nose, and those blissful eyelids.

But she controlled herself and wrapped her hands firmly around her knees. She didn't look away though.

She shamelessly stared at him, taking in everything about him.

He looked so… _beautiful._

Lily rested her head against the pole, breaking her intense stare.

"I had liked him forever." She said softly, looking back at him. He didn't wake.

"I think it was the happiest day of my life when he asked me out," she said. "We had the best date ever; he took me everywhere, we did everything, and he was the nicest guy I had ever dated."

She stopped for a moment, reminiscing. It was a full minute before she spoke.

"By the end of the first week, I was sure I wanted to go steady. By the end of the first month, I was sure we would be together forever. By the end of sixth year, I had fallen in love with him," she said, her already soft voice, dropping down to a whisper.

When she said this, James rolled over, barely missing her feet. His face was now in full view.

She stopped and let out her breath, and scrutinized him some more.

His hair had flopped messily into his face, and his mouth was slightly open. Now that he was faced toward her, she could see that he hadn't taken his glasses off; they now lay crookedly across his face.

A wave of his scent washed over her again, and she breathed it in.

She hugged her knees tighter to her chest and leaned her head back onto the pole, her gaze now at the top of the canopy bed.

"He was my longest ever boyfriend. I lost my virginity to him. I could finish his sentences. And while I never thought it possible, I fell for him," Lily said quietly, still gazing at the cloth above her.

"And then the worst happened." Her voice caught a little in her throat, but she continued. "Someone told me that he had cheated. At first I didn't believe them, I was sure they were just trying to break us up. But I heard it everywhere. And it was driving me crazy," she said, her voice cracking slightly.

"And when I finally confronted him, he denied it. He begged me to believe him, begged me to just forget whatever he had heard. But I didn't." Tears were flowing silently down her face now.

She paused a little to get her voice under control, and when she spoke again, it was quite steady despite the tears glistening on her cheeks.

"I remember everything about that day. We were on the platform of nine and three quarters, it was cloudy, it smelled of gas; I remember his face, horribly disappointed that I would do something so pathetic." She wiped a free hand across her face, but tears were flowing freely now.

She turned her gaze back on James, ignoring that tears were falling thick and fast into her lap.

Her voice dropped to barely a whisper.

"And then the worst happened. That skank walked right up to me and said that it had all been a joke, that nothing had ever happened between them."

"And the worst memory I will ever have was turning to look back at him, to say sorry, and seeing his face etched in disappointment, in anger, and in sorrow. And it was then, when I knew we were done."

Lily's body was now wracked with sobs. She was convulsing in order to stay silent, but she had never told this to anybody, not even Natalie.

"I just want to tell you James," she said, her voice cracking horribly in her whisper, her choking sobs making it hard to talk, "that I want to be friends. And if that means telling you my life story and my deepest secrets then I will."

And with that she stood up slowly, and made her way to the door, pulling it slightly open so she could slip through it.

"I asked her out the first day of sixth year."

Lily's head whipped around at the sound of James' voice, standing stock still, acutely aware that the illumination from the common room made her tear stained face very easily seen.

She looked at James' body, which hadn't moved. But his eyes were wide open, and staring at her.

Lily stood there for a full minute, debating in her head what to do.

Then she quietly closed the door, moved across the room, and resumed her place at the foot of his bed.


	9. More Confiding and Surprises

Thank you for the reviews! I just want to clear up any discrepancy… I have not dropped this story… I have big plans for it. I just started school, however, so updates might not be coming as soon as I would like them. But bear with me, and please keep reading… Thank you!

James had sat up in bed, exactly across from Lily, in the same position: legs straight out, back against a pole in his four poster, hands folded in their laps. It was some time before he spoke.

"She was exactly opposite of anything I had ever gone for," James said softly, his eyes fixed somewhere in space, his voice slightly hoarse from lack of use.

"She was smart, and energetic, and, and…" he paused, trying to find the right word.

"Real," he finished, bringing his gaze to meet Lily's firmly.

His face broke out into a reluctant smile.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but usually I go for the curvy blondes that don't know the right end of a wand. But Dorcas…" he paused again. "She was so perfect I can't explain it to you."

Lily nodded slowly, picturing Dorcas' face in her mind. She had always been this skinny girl, with dark brown curls and chocolate eyes, smart, funny, and lively.

"It took me awhile to figure out what I felt was attraction," James said softly. "Remus helped me out quite a bit. He's better with that stuff than I am."

Lily nodded again, a small smile touching her mouth.

"So I asked her out to Hogsmeade. I was sure it was going to be simple, just like all my other dates. Just unbutton some buttons on my shirt, put on some cologne and she'll fall faster than all the others."

He suddenly grinned, his white teeth shining like a beacon in the darkness.

"But she said no."

Lily looked down quickly. She had never heard of that. A girl turned James Potter down? That was quite an achievement.

"And at first," he shrugged slightly, "I thought she was just playing hard to get." He grinned again.

"She wasn't."

Lily smiled gently back.

"She just didn't like me. She said she didn't date arrogant, pig-headed, quidditch players who thought they were the shit. But I worked on her. And everyday I fought for her, I could feel myself changing."

He stared at Lily.

"I had never liked a girl like that, like I needed her more than air, like I needed her to feel…"

He gestured soundlessly in the air, searching for a great enough word.

"Whole," Lily supplied quietly.

He nodded soundlessly. "And then, she finally said yes. It took 6 months to work on her, but she said yes. And that was the happiest day of my life."

He smiled out into space again, reminiscing the feeling.

"I asked her out again as soon as the date was over." His smile widened.

"She said yes."

"And after that, we were a couple. On one condition, however. She refused to tell anyone."

He met Lily's knowing eyes.

"We didn't tell anyone either."

James nodded.

"So we didn't. I didn't really care. I was so incredibly happy just to be around her, it almost scared me, because I had a nagging feeling that it had to end."

Lily nodded knowingly again. She had felt the same.

James' smile disappeared. He played with the canopy hanging, gently wrapping it around his finger.

"And then the worst happened. Sirius through this party, and I got drunk, and, and…"

He mouthed wordlessly into space.

"She walked in to see a topless girl giving me a lap dance, and I looked anything but sorry." 

His smile had disappeared.

There was silence for a long time. He looked at Lily again.

"She hasn't spoken to me since."

James looked away, not wanting to see the pity that he knew was there. But when he looked up, he saw nothing, nothing but understanding.

Lily silently crawled across the bed and curled up against him, pulling the blanket over them both. James hesitated only for a moment, and then wrapped his arm around her back, and moving a pillow so she could be more comfortable.

Then they fell asleep, peaceful and happy, with no problems in the world.

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Lily woke up slowly to the smell of vanilla and cinnamon.

Her first feeling was cramped. She peeped her eyes open a sliver, taking in clothes over the floor, and an arm in her vision.

She shifted slightly, memories flooding back. She was in James' room, in James' bed, with James. She grinned softly to herself while she looked up at James' face. Natalie would have a cow if she saw them now.

James sighed loudly, and slowly opened his eyes, taking in a mess of red hair in his arms and the cramped position of his body. He smiled down into Lily's apologetic look and then stretched.

Lily slid out of bed, grimacing distastefully at the wrinkles in her robes. She walked over to the door, smiled at James and then slipped out.

Lily walked slowly into her room, stretching the kinks out of her body as she went. She pulled open her door and stepped into a new world.

Where James' room was filthy, hers was sparkling clean. She spared it an uninterested glance on her way to the bathroom, grabbing her robe and looking at the clock in a fluid movement.

She groaned as she closed the door to the bathroom and turned on the shower. She only had 20 minutes until class started.

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Lily sat in the front row of class, her quills neatly aligned to a piece of parchment, and a inkwell in the top-right corner of her desk.

No one else was in the class room, so she allowed herself to slouch a little in her seat, thinking back to last night.

She grinned softly. It sounded like Dorcas to turn down a date with Hogwart's finest.

Her grin disappeared. Thinking of James and Dorcas made her think of herself and Caradoc.

That was the last place she wanted to be.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps echoing in the hall. Who could that be? She wondered. No one but her came to class this early.

She craned her neck to look at who was in the doorway.

And when she saw who it was, her heart stopped.

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James stood in front of his classroom, waiting for Professor Slughorn to come back. James' copy of Advanced Potion Making hadn't come through, so he was waiting for Slughorn to come back with the promised copy.

He shivered slightly in the cold dungeons, his eyes wandering up and down the grey walls that he knew so well.

Suddenly he hear footsteps echoing on the flagstones outside the room.

He spun around, confused. Who would be in class this early?

And when he was who it was, his heart stopped.


	10. Reunions and Crying

Thanks for the reviews guys! I'm just curious… how old do you guys think I am? Lol… just asking… enjoy this one!

In Lily's mind, her jaw had dropped. But her exterior remained as calm as ever. Her eyes didn't widen, her cheeks didn't flush, and her mouth didn't flinch.

Slowly she forced her mouth to take the position of a smile, stood, and walked over to the gorgeous girl in the doorway.

"Lily!" she cried, dark curls bouncing, a happy grin radiating off her face, straight white teeth shining brilliantly.

Lily laughed and wrapped her arms around her friend. She laughed, and hugged Lily right back.

Lily released her and held her arms length, surveying her silently into a grin stretching ear to ear.

Her new, improved friend stood in front of her, no longer the skinny little girl, but now the tall, beautiful young woman.

Short frizzy curls had transformed into long dark waves that fell in layers to the middle of her back. Her skinny face had filled out, as well as her flat chest. Her skin had tanned and she radiated. Light make-up now emphasized her dark eyes.

Lily cleared her throat. "You've definitely changed."

She laughed. "You could say that." She then surveyed Lily. "You've changed too."

Lily shook her head with an incredulous smile. "What are you talking about?" she replied, half smiling. She hadn't changed at all. Her hair had grown out a little, but that was it.

"You seem more…" her friend circled her, staring intently, entirely serious. "somber."

Lily laughed again, pulling her aside so she would stop circling her.

"I'm always somber, you know that," Lily said without a hint of remorse.

"No, that's not it…" her friend hesitated, and then fixed her with a look.

"What happened, Lily?"

Lily's smile seemed fixed on her face. Her mind was screaming at her to lie, but all she could pull out of herself was a look of confusion.

It took several seconds, but when she spoke, her voice was steady.

"What are you talking about?"

Dorcas Meadows took her hand in her own.

"Who is he?"

Lily dropped her gaze, fixing her best emotionless face onto her features. But as soon as she looked up, it fell off her face.

Dorcas' gaze held sadness. It gave Lily a start of déjà vu.

Oh no! She thought. James!

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James stared open- mouthed at the figure in the doorway. Caradoc Dearborn leaned attractively against the door jam, hands crammed into the folds of his robes.

While Lily could hide her surprise, James could not.

The new improved Caradoc Dearborn stood in front of him.

His hair had grown out over the summer, falling perfectly into his eyes and barely brushing his shoulders. It was a caramel brown; he had a buzz cut last year, so no one really knew what color his hair was. The scrawny boy had obviously worked out over the summer; he was no longer tall and lanky, but had broad shoulders, muscular arms, and stood almost at James' height. His teeth, which had been in need of orthodontics, now stood white and straight. He grinned at James' reaction, and the smile nearly shook him.

The new and improved Caradoc Dearborn stood in front of him, hand extended.

James laughed and strode across the room, still trying to hide his astonishment, and shook his hand warmly.

"How was your summer, James?" came the now deeper voice of Caradoc.

Not so good, said his mind. "It was great," said his mouth.

"And yours? Obviously, you were busy…" James said, gaze lingering over the bulging bunches under the sleeves of the robe.

Caradoc grinned again and looked down at his arms, as if seeing them for the first time. "Just want to help out my Quidditch team… I assume you're captain again?"

Quidditch! His mind screamed at him. He had totally forgotten Quidditch.

"Oh yeah, great…" James replied distractedly.

Caradoc's grin turned to a hint of concern.

"You okay?"

James was startled out of his reverie of forgetting Quidditch. "What?"

Caradoc's eyebrows furrowed together, studying him.

"What happened to you?"

James' eyes widened, and then he shook his head, avoiding eye contact.

"What are you talking about?" If only Caradoc would stop staring at him!

Caradoc gave a knowing sigh.

"Who is she?"

James glanced up, startled. He was hit with a sense of déjà vu.

All he saw in that gaze was understanding.

Oh no, he thought. Lily!

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Lily and Dorcas were sitting in two desks they had pulled next to each other, Lily's eyes fixed on the black board in the front of the room, Dorcas staring intently at her face.

There was silence for awhile.

"Tell me."

…

"There's nothing to tell."

"Tell me."

…

"There's nothing to tell."

"Tell me."

…

"There's nothing to tell."

"JUST TELL ME!"

"NO!"

…

"So there's something to tell then."

Lily turned her head and looked at her triumphant friend. Then she burst out laughing.

Dorcas was taken aback.

Lily was laughing uncontrollably, tears rolling down her face.

Dorcas watched Lily laugh for awhile.

"There's … absolutely… nothing … to tell…" she choked out, still hysterical.

Dorcas just stared at her.

Slowly, the tears running down her chin began much more evident. They were falling thick and fast and Lily's laughter had started to morph into crying.

Dorcas wrapped an arm around her friend.

Lily was soon crying uncontrollably, sobbing into Dorcas' shoulder. After a minute, the tears subsided.

Hiccupping slightly, Lily sat up and cleaned her face. Dorcas watched her silently.

After Lily finished reapplying her make-up, she stood up, leaving her bag and walked to the door.

She stood in the doorway for several seconds, back still to Dorcas.

She waited expectantly.

"Caradoc Dearborn," she said softly, and then she was gone.

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James and Caradoc were both sitting on Slughorn's desk in the front of the classroom. James was staring at the back of the classroom, and Caradoc was staring at James.

"Who is she?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Caradoc rolled his eyes. "You're the worst liar I know, James. Just tell me."

James hesitated. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Come on, James!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because!"

"Because why?"

"Because it doesn't matter anymore!" James yelled out, turning to glare at his friend, who was triumphant at getting somewhere.

"Why not?"

James sighed loudly, and massaged his temples with his hands.

"It just doesn't."

Silence.

"Ok then."

James turned and looked at Caradoc. "That's it?"

Caradoc turned his gaze to where James was staring a minute ago.

"Yep."

Silence.

"I'm in love with her."

Silence.

"Oh."

James stood up suddenly, leaving his bag on the table, and strode out of the classroom.

He paused at the doorway, a hand resting on the door jam.

"Dorcas Meadows." And then he was gone.

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Lily had ten minutes before class started and she needed to find James. She had to warn him that Dorcas had changed. She had to tell him that Dorcas was now the gorgeous girl James always went for, that Dorcas was now more perfect for him. She had to warn James.

She heard footsteps behind her, and turned to see Dorcas walking toward her. She must have followed her out of the classroom.

Lily turned away quickly, but Dorcas put a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, Lily."

Lily turned back to her friend, to say thank you, to be grateful, but she saw something else that made her want to jump for joy as well as scream in frustration.

She saw the back of James' head over Dorcas' shoulder.

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James had ten minutes before class to find Lily and warn her about Caradoc. Not only was he now was a lot more attractive, he was still the nice, warm, young man he had always known. He had to warn Lily, she had to know before she saw him.

He heard footsteps behind him, and turned hopefully.

But it was Caradoc.

James turned away, embarrassed.

But Caradoc just put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry about it James."

James turned around to shake his hand, or hug him, or anything to tell him how grateful he was. But what he saw was much worse.

He saw Lily's red hair.

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Lily knew James' had seen her. She had to make a decision. If James came over there, he would see Dorcas without knowing about her big make-over. She had to make a decision.

"Stay here, I'll be right back," she said abruptly, and then took off down the hallway. It was starting to get crowded, she had to push through people. But she had to tell him.

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James saw Lily running through the throng of people.

"I'll be right back, mate. Don't move." And then he disappeared through the ever growing amount of students.

He saw that Lily had left her friend that she was talking too so she must've something important to tell him too.

He vaguely glanced at her dark hair, trying to remember if he knew her, as familiarity made his heart clench. Then he resigned to finding Lily.

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Lily could see him coming toward her. She was almost there. She could feel Dorcas' questioning eyes on her back. But she pushed on.

James had left his friend like she had left Dorcas, so he must have something to tell her as well. She barely registered the familiar hair of his friend before reaching James in the middle of the crowded hallway.

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"I have to tell you something," they both said at once. They were both being jostled from behind in the ever growing thicket of people.

"What happene…" he trailed off as he had glanced up over Lily's shoulder.

And what he saw shut him up.

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Lily was trying to figure out how to tell James about Dorcas, when she was pushed from behind. Her gaze flashed up as she caught her balance.

As she stared out over James' shoulder for a split second, she looked at James' friend closer.

And what she saw shut her up.


	11. Tears and Realization

Thanks for the reviews guys!!! Enjoy this one…

Lily and James stood face to face, eyes not trained on each other, but fixed over the other's shoulder. Time had ceased to exist. Neither moved; they didn't care that they were being jostled from behind, they didn't care that class was starting, they no longer cared about helping warn the other. They were transfixed in a trance, not moving, but seeing all too clearly.

Slowly, but surely, the crowd began to disperse, filtering into the classrooms, leaving behind two distraught teenagers. The objects of their trance were no longer in their range of vision, yet they stood stock still, eyes staring out across the other, not moving, not blinking, not daring to breathe.

Lily was the first to move. She slowly brought her eyes away from the spot Caradoc had stood, up across James' shoulder, up to his face. And she felt like she was looking in a mirror.

His features were etched in complete, and utter shock.

Lily didn't even care that she was showing some emotion. She was so utterly heartbroken, just seeing him there, she couldn't even think about James at the moment. Every worry, every need to see James and warn him about seeing Dorcas, had vanished. Her entire mind that usually was focused, and determined, and distant, was just thinking about one thing: Caradoc.

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James did not know how long he had been standing in the same place. He vaguely registered the moving crowd slowly die down, hazily remembering Lily was in front of him. Time flew by; nothing mattered, nothing distracted him, nothing was more important enough to take his mind off that gorgeous brunette that had walked away some unknown time before.

He dimly saw Lily break her gaze, and shift it to his face. But he couldn't bring himself to look at her. He couldn't bring himself to forget Dorcas and to remember that Lily was going through the same thing. He didn't even remember why she was standing in front of him, what he was going to tell her, or what had been so important only minutes before.

There was only one thing going through his mind: Dorcas.

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Slowly, but surely, James' gaze had shifted down to meet Lily's, which were now shining with unshed tears. The shock had faded, and pain had taken its place. Silently, without a word, he took her hand, and they slowly walked back up to the Head's tower. Both knew that they weren't going to class today.

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Lily woke with a start. She slowly surveyed where she was, trying to remember how she got there.

Her dark room glared back at her.

She slowly sat up, wiping the sleep from her eyes, then turned to glance at her alarm clock.

5:30 a.m. shined tauntingly back at her.

Lily's mind slowly woke up, remembering that she hadn't attended class yesterday, that she and James had just walked into the heads room and went their separate ways, silently. She remembered seeing Caradoc for the first time, since the break up.

Tears started to flow again, and as she buried her head into her strangely wet pillow, she also remembered that she had cried herself to sleep last night, something she hadn't done since the last day of school last year.

Memories flooded Lily from the day before, all at random times. James' messy back hair, Natalie pounding on her door at two in the morning demanding to know what had happened, her sweaty palm encompassed by another, tears, and, Caradoc.

She closed her eyes at tight as she could, wishing yesterday away, pearly tears barely escaping her tightly sealed eyelids.

She stayed like that for a full minute, struggling with herself, trying not to cry, but also trying to explain why she didn't want to.

And Lily broke. She stopped struggling, and let the pain in. Her body convulsed with sobs, and tears fell fast and heavy. She pulled at her hair, wailing in grief, her small body wracked with convulsions she no longer was trying to stop. And her mind was focused on one thing. Caradoc.

And after awhile, the tears stopped, and her breathing slowed, and she laid unmoving atop of wet pillows, tissues from the night before, and messy blankets, staring at the ceiling.

Slowly, but surely, Lily's mind returned to its original, analyzing, conclusive, emotionless, state. Her reasonable self started to come back to her, and her pathetic wince at the ceiling turned to a firm, hard, glare.

Lily turned over and glanced at her clock again.

6:00 A.M.

Lily rolled out of bed, wiping her eyes briskly and gathering her things for a shower, ready to think things over in the hot water.

She crossed her dark room, dodging her chest and her bedside table, and carefully opened the bathroom door as to not wake her roommate.

Light flooded the bathroom, and Lily squinted her eyes, waiting for them to adjust. Then she placed her things neatly on the floor and stepped into the shower.

Lily began to analyze the situation. And it did not look good.

She turned on the shower and stepped into the stream, letting the water run down her face.

All she had done had seen Caradoc. He hadn't said anything to her, true, but he hadn't done anything mean. So why was she so upset?

Lily washed herself in growing disgust. What would people say if they knew that Lily Evans, the Lily Evans, had cried herself to sleep because she had just seen a boy?

Lily shook her head, trying to clear the uneasy feeling. Nothing had even happened, and she was crying like a little girl.

Lily shook her head again as she laid down in the tub of the shower, letting the water fall on her like pouring rain. She closed her eyes.

There was no other explanation; she had overreacted.

Her eyes shot open.

But that overreaction told her one thing.

She wanted him back.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James awoke slowly, eyes opening a crack, then closing, then opening a little more, the closing, then opened all the way.

Then he remembered yesterday.

He closed his eyes again.

Memories of yesterday came back to him: Dorcas' dark hair, Lily's face etched in shock, a sweaty palm tucked into his own, sadness, and, darkness.

James cracked open an eye and stared at the clock.

It read 5:30.

He rolled onto his back and glared at the ceiling.

Why did she have to change? Why did she come back like she did, beautiful and gorgeous, yet still the Dorcas he knew? This was torturing him.

His mind slowly started to wake up. He would have to see Dumbledore and make up an adequate excuse for their absence in class. He'd have to see Lily's sadness. He would have to see Dorcas.

Quiet sniffling filled the silence. James' heart twisted when he realized it was Lily. He listened sadly, staring at the ceiling, while it grew louder in volume, and then slowly

subsided.

He hadn't even thought of Lily. But was there any need? He knew what she was going through; it was what he was going through.

James began to feel disgusted with himself. He was acting like a little baby. Dorcas hadn't done anything to him, yet here he was, skipping class to go cry himself asleep. But he couldn't shake the sadness.

He heard the shower go on and knew that Lily must have dragged herself out of bed. If she could do it, so could he. He slowly raised himself up and slid out of the covers.

James started to feel a little uncomfortable as he searched for his clothes. Had he overreacted? No doubt that he was very upset about this new change, but Dorcas hadn't burst into tears had she? And she was the victim in this mess. James straightened with a sigh. All these dramatics had shown him one thing, at least. He wasn't over her.

He wanted her back.


	12. Resignation and Bickering

Sorry it's been so long… here ya go!!

Chapter 12

Lily got out of shower quickly, her briskness returning. She dried herself off and dressed, sparing only an occasional glance into the mirror.

She had no desire to see her own face in that mirror, knowing full well what was going to reflect.

She pretended for a couple moments that is wasn't there, turning her head and ignoring it as if it were just a blank stretch of the gold tile that adorned the rest of the bathroom.

It wasn't working though.

Almost a sick desire surged through her veins, a desire to see herself at her weakest point, to see how far she had sunk.

Almost compulsively, she turned and gazed deeply at her reflection.

Her damp red locks hung lankly, framing her face, which was pink from the hot water. Her small hands clutched at her clothes, as she absently straightened them. But these observances were trivial.

Her eyes were dark and lifeless.

Her conversation with Natalie, on the train, kept flooding back to her, as she struggled to free herself from her own transfixed stare. Natalie had been right, she realized. The idea of the Lily Evans, crying herself to sleep for a guy, was laughable. The idea of the Lily Evans, crying herself to sleep for a guy, only because she had got a glance at him, was preposterous.

But still she stared back into those dark tunnels.

She suddenly felt herself drowning in those sad empty orbs, and she struggled to tear herself away. As she struggled, a glitter of determination ran through them, and she was able to look away.

She picked up her wand and dried her hair, and then applied a light make-up. True, he had changed, she thought as she brushed some lip gloss across her lips.

But that didn't make any difference in the world to her.

She cleaned up, putting her stuff away, and spared one more glance in the mirror.

A determined, fiery look had replaced the empty, lifeless orbs.

She grinned absentmindedly at her reflection, and strode out of the bathroom, picking up her bag from where she had dropped it yesterday in one fell swoop. Swinging over her shoulder, she made her way down to the common room; noticed James had already left, and went down to breakfast.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

James stared moodily into his cereal, reviewing in his mind how to make the best of what had happened yesterday.

He had already come to the conclusion that he had overreacted. He had just seen Dorcas; she hadn't even had said anything, let alone try and upset him.

He sighed and absently stirred his soggy cornflakes. In the back of his mind, he wasn't surprised though. She had always had this effect on him; his breath always had caught when he glimpsed of her, his heart always pounded when she was in a close proximity, and all logic floated away when she had kissed him.

He roughly ran a hand through his hair as he shook himself from his happy reminiscing.

This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't.

But it was, he thought as he gently pushed his bowl away and set his elbows on the table, his fingers propping up his chin.

He visualized his friend's reactions. Sirius would tell him to get over it, and would probably introduce him to another girl. Remus would sympathize, and then suggest something to distract him. And Peter would be Peter, and look lost.

But at the thought of his friends, Lily popped into his head. How was she handling this?

He half heartedly grinned into his palms. Not any better than he.

He had a strong desire to go help her out for some reason. He had no idea why he had suddenly forgotten his problems and wanted to end hers, but he was halfway out of his seat before he came to his senses and sat back down, this time resting his head on his folded arms.

Lily Evans didn't need any help, he thought. She would be fine. She would stride into the Great Hall any second now, completely cured and confident, back to being her old self.

He suddenly felt envious. Lily was someone who knew what he was feeling, not because she was so comforting, but because she was undergoing the same treatment. The idea of being by himself in his pain was a nightmare.

He suddenly pushed his head up and moved his arms off the table, as a surge of energy and determination shot through him.

If Lily can do, so can I, he vowed determinedly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily strode over to the Gryffindor table and slid into a seat across from where James was vigorously shoveling cereal into his mouth.

She smiled at him when he jumped slightly at the sight of her and spilled cornflakes into his lap.

"Good morning," she said pleasantly, pulling a tray of bacon over to her, still grinning slightly.

"It was," James muttered, as he tried to wipe up his now sodden lap. He gave up with a sigh and dried it with wand. His exasperated expression now changed into concern.

"How are you doing?" he asked casually, yet still with a hint of worry.

She smiled gratefully at him in between bites of bacon.

"I'm doing much better now, thanks," she said. "And yourself?"

James poured some more cereal in his bowl to account for the amount now on the floor to delay his answer.

"Me too," he answered, with a faint smile.

Lily hesitated and stared at him for a long moment, before turning back to her bacon to avoid eye contact.

"I'm going to get him back," she said almost too casually, as if she wanted him to ask her how she was planning on doing such a thing.

This didn't faze James one bit. He glanced up from his cereal and nodded firmly.

"There was no doubt in my mind."

Lily put down her food and propped her chin up on her palm, head cocked to one side.

"How do you figure that?" she asked curiously.

James put down his spoon and sighed, as if he was bracing himself to explain something like a teacher would tell a student; as simple as possible.

"You're Lily Evans," he said simply.

"And?" she said, a little exasperatingly, as if she was expecting a better explanation.

James grinned. "And what?"

Lily rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest, in a dignified manner.

"What made you assume that just because I'm 'Lily Evans'," she said slowly, rolling her eyes again, "I would want to put myself through the torture of rejection, humiliation, and hopelessness, of trying to get him back?"

James chuckled lightly and went back to his cereal. "Little ray of sunlight, aren't you?" he said, almost disbelievingly. "Gives the rest of us hope."

Lily rolled her eyes again and looked at him pointedly.

James met her firm gaze unflinchingly.

"Because you'll go through the torture of rejection, humiliation, and hopelessness a hundred times over if it means succeeding."

Lily heard the subtle compliment, and normally would have modestly declined any sort of compliment like that, but again, curiosity got the better of her.

"How do you mean? Are you saying that I'm just competitive? Or too stubborn to lose? Or I'm just doing this because- "

James interrupted with a shrug of his shoulders to cut her off.

"You'll just do what it takes, without question. However long, however difficult, however painful, you'll do what's needed to get what you're looking for."

Lily opened her mouth to reply, to thank him or to change his mind or to tell him that that was exactly what she needed to hear and was trying to tell herself, she didn't know, but again he cut her off.

"Actually, I kind of owe you my thanks."

She stopped, completely losing her train of thought and what she was going to say.

"Why?" she asked quietly, almost not wanting to hear the answer.

He grinned up at her, cornflakes wedged in between his teeth.

"Because you make me want to do the same."

Lily sat there, speechless for a moment, just watching him eat his cereal, completely lost in thought, a little upset that he shut her up with just a couple words and happy that she made him feel that way, without trying to.

She opened her mouth again, to say something, anything, but again she was interrupted.

Natalie plunked down next her, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Again Lily was speechless. She pointed to her watch wordlessly.

Natalie caught the gesture from the corner of her eye and grinned, despite the early hour.

"I know, I know. The things I do for you, Lily." She managed to say between a huge yawn.

Lily smiled affectionately at her friend and handed her a muffin wordlessly.

She took it gratefully. "What are you doing up so early, James?" she asked as she pulled off the wrapper.

James pushed away his now empty bowl, and pulled a platter of sausages toward himself. He held a fork above it, moving over each one, trying to decide which one he wanted.

"I could ask you the same question," he replied with a side-long look, before selecting a sausage and spearing it with a triumphant look.

Lily looked at him skeptically.

"I'm being a good friend," she managed to mumble out with a mouth full of muffin, spraying the table with crumbs. Lily held up her plate just in time to deflect them away.

James chortled after swallowing a rather large mouthful of sausage.

"She's a bigger slob than Sirius," he exclaimed incredulously, pointing his finger accusingly in her direction.

Lily nodded with a grin. "You have no idea."

Natalie tried to look affronted at this, but her mouth was so full she couldn't achieve it. After drawing another laugh from James, she resigned to try and swallow.

"Speaking of Sirius," (Natalie rolled her eyes) James said spearing another sausage, "that was pretty damn good prank on the train. It wasn't half bad, for someone who's not a Marauder."

Lily and Natalie both rolled their eyes, and Natalie managed to swallow.

"Half bad?" Natalie asked incredulously, ignoring the remainder of the muffin for a moment. She gave him a skeptical look before taking another large bite.

"I don't know what you saw, but I'm pretty sure, from my perspective, that it was bloody brilliant!" she said, again spraying the table with crumbs.

From behind the plate, Lily nodded her agreement. "Plus, she gets points for spreading it around so quickly," Lily added with a grin.

She chanced a look above the plate, and saw Natalie beaming at her as best she could with muffin coming out of her mouth. Lily set the plate back on the table, but kept her hand on the edge, just in case she needed it again.

James put up his hands in mock surrender.

"Okay, okay, it was really good. And using the influence you have over younger children to your advantage was quite helpful, I must admit," James admitted. "That was some pretty quick thinking too."

Natalie gave a fake bow, her hair swinging like a curtain, before polishing off the rest of her muffin.

"These things just come to me," she said with a contagious grin.

Lily laughed. "And this means quite a bit, coming from such a prankster," Lily pointed out.

James held up his hands in surrender again. "I give credit where credit is due."

Natalie reached over Lily for another muffin. "It's greatly appreciated," she said with a wink.

James absently fiddled with a sausage still on the end of his fork. "I haven't seen him that mad for a long time," he said thoughtfully. "And then, after I got back to the compartment, he was angrier."

"Why?" Lily asked curiously, trying to push the muffins away from Natalie, with no avail.

James flushed a little, realized his mistake, and tried to back track quickly, to the confusion of both the girls.

"I…I don't know… something Remus said," he trailed off, looking a little forlorn.

Lily chuckled a little. "Come again?"

Natalie had even put her third muffin down, in interest.

A bright pink flushed in his cheeks. "It's nothing," he said, looking down. "Sirius is –"

"Somebody call me?"

Sirius sat himself down next to James, pulling food to himself.

Lily glanced at Natalie, who had the distinct look of having something smelly under her nose.

"Hey Padfoot," James greeted. "What are you doing up so early?"

Sirius shrugged innocently whiled piling pancakes on his plate. "Couldn't sleep."

"More like he had to pee, and then forgot the password to get back into the common room," Natalie suggested scathingly.

From the dull flush rising in his cheeks, they could all tell she had guessed correctly.

James roared with laughter, and even Lily giggled a little. Natalie sneered triumphantly.

"Smith, can I ask you a question? Is the reason you wear your hair like that to hide the 666 that's tattooed on your skull?" Sirius questioned lightly, the pink ebbing from his cheeks.

Natalie shrugged haughtily. "At least I got something in my skull. You know something called a brain, that helps me remember stuff," she paused for effect. "like passwords to the common room," she finished scathingly.

James and Lily tried to stifle chuckles as they buried their heads into the food.

People started entering the Great Hall now in droves, all sitting at their respected tables.

Unbeknownst to Sirius, who stood up for greater effect, continued.

"Tell me," he asked scornfully, "Smith, do you have a hard time falling asleep at night? I've heard that devil horns make it difficult to get comfortable," Sirius said, sneering slightly.

People stopped rushing to their seats and an appreciative laugh rippled though the students who were paying attention.

Lily glanced over and only saw one flash of anger go through her facial features, but as Natalie rose to meet Sirius' height, it disappeared and transformed back into a haughty mask.

"Just as uncomfortable as sleeping after wetting yourself," Natalie retaliated loudly.

The flush on Sirius' face was much more defined now, blotchily turning purple in his anger.

Most of the Great Hall had heard Natalie's last comment, and laughed loudly.

Natalie grinned triumphantly, told Lily that she'd see her in class, and then strutted out of the Great Hall, only stopping to blow a sarcastic kiss to Sirius. Then she was gone.

James was still snorting into his sausage, and Lily was trying very hard to remember anything sad. Sirius glared at both of them, grabbed his bag and stalked out toward the lake, ignoring taunts on the way.

Lily looked up at James, who was still grinning.

"Natalie: 2, Sirius: 0"


	13. Scheming and Plotting

Thanks for the reviews!!!! I'm gonna start updating quite often now that its summer and I have nothing to do… enjoy!!!

Chapter 13:

Lily bid James goodbye a short time later, grabbing two muffins on the way, one for herself and one for Natalie. She knew that three was not enough for her friend.

She tread slowly, winding her way down the corridors to Transfiguration, deep in thought, absently tearing off pieces of the muffin she didn't throw haphazardly into her bag, and crumbling them, leaving a bread trail, similar to the one in Hansel and Gretel.

She fought a dull rise of panic that now started to fill her throat. By telling James her plan to get Caradoc back, she now made it real. She now had someone who, undoubtedly, would judge her performance, who would be aware of her intentions, who would be waiting for success.

She lightly shredded the waxed paper, adding to the trail that now marked her path. It wasn't that she was afraid to fail. It was like James said; she would do whatever it took, no matter the consequence, to succeed. Success was no question, failure was no option.

She was afraid of having someone watching her, someone knowing what she was doing, someone like James critiquing her job. The expectations could not be higher. The pressure was on.

She glanced down at her hands and realized that the muffin was gone and she didn't have one bite. Dully registering this, she took to aimlessly wandering, zig zagging her path, lightly fingering old frames, to the outrage of some portraits, tracing the old carvings that adorned the walls, brushing the cold metal of the knights in armor.

You should be happy, she told herself, as she absently traced a wood curl at the end of the corridor. Now you have motivation; initiative to push and succeed.

She absentmindedly dropped her arm when her fingers reached the center of the carving. As much as she tried to convince herself, a small knot of worry had tightened in her stomach, and her resolve faltered.

She continued to wander, until her footsteps led her to the classroom, minutes early.

She straightened her shoulders, ran her fingers through her hair, and fixed her best blank expression on her face.

One thing is decided, she thought, as her slim fingers grasped the doorknob.

I need a plan.

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James watched Lily's red hair bounce away from him, until the last strand had disappeared out into the entrance hall. Only then did he stand up and stride away from the table, in the general direction of where Sirius had run off to.

He grabbed a couple pieces of toast on second thought; Sirius hadn't had anything to eat.

His thoughts strayed back to his and Lily's conversation, as his foots pounded the familiar path out to the lake.

So, Lily was going to get Caradoc back.

In his mind, it hadn't surprised him. She was Lily Evans, for merlin's sake. There's nothing that girl would accept, hands down. As soon as he had learned of their break- up, there was no doubt in his mind that Lily would chase him.

He struggled for a moment, trying to understand why he knew this so deeply. He lightly dismissed it on first impression, and the rumors he had heard about her.

After all, he barely knew her.

He brought up his free hand to cover his eyes as soon as he stepped outside the double doors; his eyes took a minute to adjust.

However, he couldn't deny, that when she had said that, his heart had dropped. He had no doubt in Lily's abilities, at all; but now that she was getting Caradoc to forgive her, it made him want Dorcas to forgive him. And he doubted himself.

The pressure was now on him.

The thought of Dorcas twisted his heart. He could imagine her long dark hair, swinging; her large, doleful eyes gazing deeply into his, her-

He tore himself away from his visual at the sight of Sirius, brooding by the lake, tossing stones in at random.

James silently went and sat near his friend, helping himself to some stones that Sirius had accumulated next to him. He half heartedly tossed one into the lake before handing Sirius the toast.

He got a grunt in reply.

James surveyed his friend out of the corner of his eye. Sirius sat, his knees bent and his arms hanging dejectedly over them, only moving when he threw a stone into the depths of the lake. His shoulders slumped and his head hung. His crystal blue eyes were furrowed in either anger, concentration, or thought; James didn't know which.

He waited for Sirius to say something. He absently picked at one of the pieces of toast that he could tell Sirius was starting to eye; his appetite could never outlast his anger.

"I don't like her."

James didn't say anything. He had just barely caught what Sirius had said; it had came out only a slight grunt.

Sirius threw another stone in, more violently than the last.

"I don't like her."

James chanced a look over at his friend, but again said nothing. Sirius had said it louder this time, assuming that James hadn't caught it the first time.

But his eyebrows were no longer furrowed in thought, only doubt, and his crystal orbs no longer shadowed with anger, only confusion. He looked more than anything, like he was trying to convince himself.

James sighed. "I believe you, mate," he said unconvincingly, because Sirius eyed him suspiciously after.

In truth, James was starting to see what Remus had on the train. Natalie was untouchable to him, and even if she was not good enough for him, which it was clear she wasn't, he couldn't have her.

Just like Dorcas, James thought bitterly.

Sirius turned and picked up a piece of toast, gnawed on it for a second, and then threw it angrily into the lake.

James hid his astonishment as Sirius stood. Since when did Sirius throw away food?

James stood up also and brushed himself off, looking at the ground.

"Can I ask you a question, Padfoot?" James asked hesitantly, as they started walking back to the castle.

Sirius grunted in reply, ducking his head as the squid tossed the toast back out at them.

James hesitated again.

"Why didn't you tell Natalie you felt the same way, back in fifth year?"

Sirius stopped dead and ogled at James, who wisely kept his eyes anywhere near Sirius'. The Squid took this chance to chuck out one of the many stones that they had thrown in, at his head.

"Ouch!" Sirius yelped, as his hand immediately jumped to the back of his head. He then stuck out his tongue childishly and chucked the stone back in, as he and James took off running toward the castle, laughing all the way.

The question was left forgotten.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily stepped boldly into the room, nodding a welcome to Professor McGonagall and acutely registering the random faces that sat in their seats already. She politely muttered some "Hello's and some "How was your summers's" before making her way to the back to where Natalie had saved her a seat.

Lily sat down and wordlessly handed her the muffin. Natalie's eyes lit up as she carefully held it under the desk, away from McGonagall's hawk- like scrutiny of the classroom.

Lily sighed as she sat back in her chair, sparing only a amused look at her friend, who was now doubled over, pretending to get a spare quill, but really stuffing her face.

Natalie glanced over at her friend concernedly when she heard the small sigh. She painfully swallowed.

Lily automatically started pulling her books out for class. "I told James that I was going to try and get Caradoc back," she said quietly, in answer to Natalie's questioning look. She threw a shifty look around at her classmates, as if convinced she was being eavesdropped upon.

Natalie nodded, a little unsure. "And? I thought you were friends with him now," she said consolingly.

Lily nodded. "I am friends with him, but…" she hesitated before she trailed off. "Now it's like a competition."

Natalie raised an eyebrow confusedly. "A competition? Isn't that the last thing it is?" she asked doubtingly.

Lily saw her mistake as soon as she had uttered it, and immediately made up a suitable lie.

"I just mean that if I get Caradoc back, he's going to have to compete with him for Head time," Lily replied smoothly, her stoic features not betraying her.

"Right," Natalie answered suspiciously. She surveyed her friend intently for a minute, as if the truth were written on her forehead, as Lily shifted uncomfortably. But then she brightened.

"So what do you have so far?" she asked excitedly, unaware that crumbs were falling thick and fast into her lap.

Lily cocked her head at her friend, a confused look on her face, before arranging her quills perfectly in line with each other.

"What are you talking about?"

Natalie rolled her eyes and scooted her chair closer together.

"You know," she said, lightly elbowing her friend. "The plan to get…" her voice dropped, "Caradoc back?"

Lily's green eyes shimmered in understanding. But then they went back to being clouded with confusion.

"Oh, I… I don't know yet," she finished lamely.

Natalie only gave her one look of sympathy before sitting up straighter in her seat, tossing the remains of the muffin out into the aisle.

"Well good thing the first class of the year is always review," Natalie grinned contagiously.

Lily unconsciously grinned back, completely appreciating the fact that Natalie was her best friend.

When she met her friend's eyes and as they huddled together, scheming away, her emerald orbs were no longer shadowed with the unknown, but glittering with determination.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

James and Sirius found them like that, huddled over a piece of parchment, muttering quietly, giggling at different intervals.

James chanced a smile over at Lily as soon as he sat down, and received a toothy grin and a wink.

James' thoughts reverted back to his favorite memory: Dorcas. I wonder what classes we have together, James thought, as he watched Lily scribble something on the piece of parchment and show Natalie.

He laid his head on his desk, covering his face with his arms because he could feel Remus' stare on the back of his head.

He heard Sirius mutter, "Leave him alone, Moony."

James could almost hear him roll his eyes. "I was just going to ask him why he was up so early this morning," Remus said scornfully. His voice then turned thoughtful. "Then on second thought, why were you up so early?"

James peeked above his arms to see Sirius shoot a dirty look at Natalie, who took that moment to laugh loudly at something that Lily had said.

"No reason," Sirius said quietly, dropping his head in a similar position as James.

Remus followed Sirius' gaze over to Natalie, and his eyes brightened with understanding.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked innocently, as Peter started to snigger.

Sirius glared. "You have no idea what you're talking about, mate."

Remus raised his eyebrows doubtfully. "I have a couple bruises around my neck to prove otherwise."

Sirius' eyes softened a little. "Yeah, sorry about that Moony. I didn't mean to…"

Remus interrupted. "Perfectly understandable. You just got angry because I was right," he teased.

Sirius rolled his eyes and fell into what he thought was a dignified silence. Remus looked triumphant, but seemed unable to take the mickey out of him any more.

Professor McGonagall took this moment to stand up.

"Everyone in their seats, please! Class has started," she said loudly, flicking her wand toward the board, where writing started to appear.

"Today we will be turning our hedgehogs into…"

But she was cut off, by a girl who stumbled into the room, her skirt crinkled, and her arm that wasn't dragging her bookbag, bracing her side as if she had a cramp from running.

"Sorry Professor, I was…"

"Ms. Meadows, five points from Gryffindor and detention with me tonight. Now please find your seat." McGonagall interrupted smoothly, as she turned the front of the room and addressed the class once more.

"Now the wand movement is a swish…"

But James didn't hear any of this. As far as he was concerned, no one else was in the room. He head had shot up as soon as he had heard her name and they hadn't strayed since. He watched her scowl at the back of McGonagall's head, her full mouth in the shape of a pout that made James' eyes water, give another impatient heave of her bag, and swept her long, dark hair out of her eyes as she took a seat, sliding into a slumped posture.

And he couldn't tear his eyes from the back of her head.

He struggled with himself for a moment, trying to keep his composure, but it would have been so much goddamn easier if he could just look away.

He managed to tear his eyes away, looking to the ceiling, staring at Remus' quill, which had started zooming back and forth with notes, to Lily's curtain of crimson locks that fell gracefully onto her desk, efficiently hiding herself from the teacher's view; forcing himself to look anywhere, desperately trying to distract himself for more than a second.

But wherever he looked, his gaze was automatically dragged back to her.

His intense stare was broken when he felt something under his hand. He glanced down and saw a piece of parchment and a quill forced into his palm.

**Stop it, mate. She's gonna think you're trying to bore a hole in the back of her head.**

James shook his head and bent down to scribble in return.

_I can't help it, Sirius. She can't just walk in here and expect me not to care._

**Maybe that's what you need to do, in order to get over her.**

_I'm not trying to get over her. I'm gonna get her back, Padfoot, I just know it._

**I'm not saying this to get you down, but don't get your hopes up, mate. Things may be to far gone.**

_You just don't get it, Padfoot. I NEED to get her back. She is to me, what Quidditch is to you._

**Okay, okay, I get the point. There's no need for analogy, I'm not stupid.**

_That's definitely debatable._

**Har, har. You are just so gosh darn hilarious. So, what's the plan?**

_What do you mean?_

**How are you going to get her back?**

_I don't know, Pads, I don't know._

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Lily looked sympathetically at James as soon as she saw Dorcas walk in. She saw his eyes dart everywhere, every which way, until they were drawn back to the back of her head like magnets.

She knew how he was feeling. He was trying to find something that would catch his attention, trying to find something that would help him forget, even if only for a moment.

She sighed sympathetically again, and turned back to Natalie. Sirius could comfort him for the rest of class, and there was no sense getting in trouble.

She glanced down at the parchment that was scribbled almost entirely over. The scrawl was mostly Natalie's handwriting, near illegible, depicting random gismos, pulley and lever systems dotting the page, arrows and circles pointing out short notes, and small, inconspicuous hearts every which way which Lily had added when she couldn't think of something.

She smiled at her friend, who was scribbling something at the bottom corner of the page, her nose nearly touching the page, her hand moving so fast that ink had dotted her fingers.

That jolted Lily back to the task at hand. She racked her brain, trying to think of a way to get back in Caradoc's good graces.

Although she was completely appreciative of Natalie's help, her friend's ideas were based more on tricking him into either meeting with, or forgiving her, and Lily was not inclined to do either. She wanted to convince and persuade him to at least talk with her on his own terms, and actually want to hear what she had to say.

She racked her brains again.

Nothing.

She had already decided that she needed to take this slow. She didn't want to rush into things and startle him like a deer in the headlights. He was, without doubt, still upset, and so Lily wanted him to feel comfortable around her before making any drastic moves.

She figured she'd wait awhile, letting him glimpse of her in between classes, maybe smile at him once in every couple days, letting him grow acclimated to her presence.

She absently tapped her quill against the table, and when she saw it bothered some people, who's heads had shot up angrily from their naps, refrained and started brushing it against her face, tickling her chin.

But what after that? she thought to herself. Caradoc might allow her to smile at him in the corridors, maybe exchange some well chosen words between classes, but that would not be enough to get him to reconsider her.

What she really needed, was someone who knew Caradoc, to help her out. She would need inside help to make sure her impression was noticed. The person could drop her name in once in awhile, maybe even learn what it would take for him to start caring.

But just as the idea started to gallop away in her mind, she squashed it. That's impossible, she told herself logically. Even if you could find someone who knew Caradoc well enough, there's no way she could ever trust the information with them. Plus, she thought ironically, there isn't many people that would even consider helping me out. And on top of that, if there was someone, Caradoc would know that I am friends with that person and would most likely, be on his guard.

Lily sighed and put her head down on her desk, sparing another sympathetic glance over to James, who was now exchanging a note back and forth with Sirius.

At least Sirius is distracting him, she told herself thoughtfully. I wonder how much luck James is having, trying to get Dorcas back?

But even before she could even contemplate it, Natalie elbowed her in the side enthusiastically.

"I've got it!" she whispered excitedly, pushing the parchment over with ink-flecked fingers.

Lily rubbed her side unconsciously, feeling where Natalie elbowed it, as she pulled the parchment closer. She saw a stick person, who she assumed was Caradoc, being locked into another stick figure, which was a great deal fatter, and then an arrow pointed up in a full circle, leading to another picture- (Lily slowly turned the parchment, now horizontal, as she followed the arrow) – which depicted another stick figure, she presumed herself because it had long hair which was labeled red, who in turn dragged locked him in a broom closet with her.

Lily glanced back at Natalie skeptically, who rolled her eyes, but started to explain in an excited hushed voice.

Lily shot McGonagall a concerned glance, but she was busy fixing Peter Pettigrew's wand grip. She then reluctantly leaned forward to catch what Natalie was saying.

"- I'm not yet sure how, but we'll manage. Now once he's inside the suit of armor, I'll levitate it and bring him over to the broom closet, where you'll be waiting. So when he gets inside, you'll be crying be yourself, and then he'll ask your help to get out and you'll oblige. And then he'll ask why you're crying and you'll explain, he'll forgive, and you'll live happily ever after!"

Lily had an even bigger skeptical look on her face.

"But if he's a complete asshole, which we all know he can be-(Lily rolled her eyes) – and if he tries to leave as soon as you free him, I'll lock the door until I hear the code sound, which will be you making rooster sounds," Natalie hurriedly added, as if that made it make more sense.

Lily looked at her friend, dumbfounded.

"That still leaves the problem of you locking the love of my life in a suit of armor, imprisoning him in a broom closet, and the assumption that he wouldn't see through my fake crying and would actually forgive me."

Natalie looked confused. "And that's a problem, how?"

Lily rolled her eyes and gestured to the parchment. "Okay, even if this made any bit of sense, which it does not, -(Natalie made an indignant sound in the back of her throat), that is still impossible, because one, you wouldn't be able to fit him in a suit of armor, he's to big, two, he would assume that I was part of locking him in a broom closet after hearing me make the rooster noises, and three, he'd still have his wand!"

Natalie waved her arms, as if brushing her off. "One, I would totally be able to fit him in a suit of armor," she said, counting off her fingers. "It might be a tight squeeze, but I could squash him in there. Two," she continued, pointing to her pointer finger, simultaneously cutting off Lily's angry huff at the thought of squeezing her crush into cramped quarters, "we could come up with a different noise, if you can't do a suitable rooster, and make it more subtle. And three,-"

Lily cut her off. "Unless you're planning to attack another student by disarming them, I think you'll find Caradoc quite capable of getting himself out of the suit of armor. However squished he may be," she added on second thought.

When Natalie didn't say anything, but looked thoughtful and a little cheery at the idea of attacking Caradoc, Lily rolled her eyes and tapped her lightly on the shoulder.

"And on top of all of that, I'm Head Girl," she reminded her friend sullenly. "I have a feeling that kidnapping other students isn't in the job description."

Natalie looked disappointed.

"Damn."

Lily smiled, a little sad too, that she had to convince her friend out of an idea that sounded quite appeasing at the moment.

Natalie suddenly stood up. "I GOT IT!"

Lily looked up at her expectantly, hope rising in her chest.

But her hope was in vain. As fast as an idea had entered Natalie's mind, it seemed to leave, for she faltered slightly, and she sat down heavily. The entire class stared at her, and McGonagall turned her heel furiously. Lily smiled apologetically around at her classmates.

"False alarm," Natalie whispered dully.

"Which STD were you referring to, Smith?" Sirius asked wickedly, smirking over at her.

"Not any that you don't have," she shot back sweetly, without skipping a beat, simultaneously giving him the finger.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't try and flatter me. We all remember your little adventure with Hagrid's hippogriff. We don't know want to know what transpired, or should I say, transferred, -(Sirius held up his fingers in mock quotations), then," he finished, joining the laughter which had originated as soon as he had mentioned Buckbeak.

Last year, during Care of Magical Creatures, Buckbeak, who turned out to be one horny hippogriff, had started humping Natalie in the middle of class. It had taken Hagrid, Fang, and Lily's magic to get him off. It had been a very bad day, and was still a sore subject.

Natalie had opened her mouth and had stood up furiously, trying to make her way over to beat Sirius to a pulp, no doubt, but Lily held her back and forced her back in her chair, because McGonagall had made her way over.

Natalie gave one last struggle against Lily's hold, and then slumped down in her seat, her face still burning. She whirled her wand lazily at McGonagall's pointed look, and turned her hedgehog into a pincushion and back again. Lily followed suit.

As soon as she was satisfied and had walked away, Lily chanced a look over at James.

He grinned, and mouthed: Natalie: 2, Sirius: 1.


	14. Rejection and Realization

Thank you reviewer!!!! Okay after this one, I won't be updating until I get 20 reviews… sound good???? Thanks…

Chapter 14:

James grinned into Lily's infectious smile until she turned away, no doubt to comfort her friend, who was still positively fuming and throwing Sirius extremely dirty looks. However, her anger had the same affect on him as his did to hers; absolutely nothing.

James shook his head silently but approved all the same. Sirius looked extremely pleased with himself and kept shooting Remus looks that said, "And you were saying?"

Remus simply rolled his eyes disbelievingly and went back to taking notes, which was really quite pointless since he could easily transfigure hedgehogs into pincushions. Peter just sat there, staring off into space.

James settled back into his old position, head and arms on his desk, staring intently at the back of Dorcas' head.

However, Sirius had other plans for him. Determined not to let his friend down, plus the fact that he was still quite pleased with himself for making fun of Natalie, Sirius pulled him from his gazing and thumped his lightly on the back of the head.

"We have planning to do," he said mischievously, pulling out some spare parchment and a quill.

James grinned back, thanking god that he had friends that wouldn't let him wallow in his self misery. "Let's see what you got."

Sirius grinned back and immediately went to work, drawing up sketches that look somewhat similar to Quidditch plays. Slowly, James become disinterested and starting racking his brain for some serious strategies.

He had already decided to take it as slowly as he possibly could. It had taken him a full 6 months to get her attention the first time, and it would probably take longer to get it back. He really didn't want to startle or force her into anything, because he knew that if she felt pushed into something, she would struggle. And he didn't want that. He wanted her to come to him on her accord, on her own terms.

He glanced back down at Sirius' drawings, trying to grasp the concept. He frowned. Most of them included many variations of him kidnapping her, via invisibility cloak, trolls, and even one with stuffing her inside a suit of armor. James definitely wasn't all for that.

But how to get her to fall back in love with him?

James figured that the only way for her to truly feel like she was acting on her own free will is if he wasn't the one convincing her.

That's stupid, he told himself, absently shredding the feather on his quill. Even if someone were willing and/or capable of helping me out, Dorcas would smell a rat and would automatically assume the worst.

He sighed. It seemed hopeless.

Sirius nudged him excitedly, and wordlessly shoved the parchment into his arms.

He spared Sirius with only one dubious look, and then reluctantly skimmed his eyes over the page. His skepticism deepened.

An overwhelming desire to talk to Dorcas suddenly overcame him, flooding out any doubts about what he had to do. Slowly, with his eyes glazed over, he daydreamed a fantasy where Dorcas was in his arms, smiling happily, her face only inches from his own, and getting steadily closer…

The bell rang, pulling him from his daydream roughly. He jumped a couple inches off his seat, dropping the parchment. He looked around. Everyone was packing up.

He hastily scooped up the parchment and shoved it in his bag unceremoniously, which Sirius made an indignant noise at. But James didn't hear; his eyes were on Dorcas' head.

He hurriedly made his way out of his seat, falling into the stream of people trying to leave the classroom, his eyes still trained on the back of Dorcas' head, as to not lose her in the crowd.

All of the seventh years had break next, so many of the teenagers who's next class was in a nearby corridor, randomly milled about, chatting idly.

James came to halt, ducking behind a suit of armor and coming up just a couple feet short of where Dorcas had stopped to chat with her friends. He stood there awkwardly, torn, not able to decide what to do.

His mind was screaming at him to think logically, that if anyone saw him lurking in the hallways, staring at the back of Dorcas' head, even stalking her, they could put two and two together. He had promised to take it slowly, and he should keep to that promise.

His heart coaxed him to stay, with candy coated words, telling him to just stay a minute, take her in, not interrupt this blissful moment. She looked so peaceful; let her be happy for a couple minutes more.

But even as he was deciding, Dorcas' friends moved away with a short farewell, and Dorcas stood there alone, quite unmoving and still, as if struggling to decide what to do, the same way James was. Then she spun around, catching James off guard, who tried to duck behind the suit of armor, but feeling like a complete idiot because he was sure that she had seen him.

"Hullo, Potter."

James winced to himself and mentally shook himself, before slowly emerging from behind the suit of armor, and was greeted by the love of his life, who was surveying him coolly.

"Hi Dorcas," he said a little breathlessly, completely reveling in the fact that he was actually talking to her.

"How was your summer?" he asked a little weakly, withering under the indifferent look she was giving him.

"Why are you stalking me, Potter," she asked pointedly, now folding her arms across her chest, almost as if she were bored.

James again grimaced at the use of his surname, and also that she had disregarded his question.

"Stalking is kind of a strong word…" he started, a little sheepishly. "I'd call it more like…"

"Stalking," she interrupted, in an uncaring way. "Just answer the question, Potter."

James paused and raked his hand through his hair, trying to buy some time. But Dorcas' cool, level gaze didn't falter.

"I just wanted to talk to you," James said quietly, scuffing his foot against the cool flagstones.

Dorcas' look didn't soften. "I thought I made it clear by not returning any of your numerous owls, over the summer," she said disdainfully.

James' heart dropped. "I just want to apologize in…"

But Dorcas had cut him off again. "Apology not accepted," she said firmly, and then whirled around and strode away from him.

James didn't move, his heart breaking again. He watched her walk away from him, stopping only to chat with Lily and Natalie.

He watched her shake her magnificent head animatedly, apparently finding an interesting subject to talk about to Natalie. He glanced at Lily, expecting to see a sympathy look.

But when he met her gaze, he got none of it. Simply understanding.

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Lily groaned to herself in sympathy when she saw Dorcas leave James, who looked close to a break down. She tried to shoot him a reassuring glance, but Dorcas was now chatting with them and she didn't want to upset her, even though she was feeling a little cold toward her for her indifference to James. Thankfully, Dorcas didn't notice, and bid them a nice farewell as the bell rang again. Natalie and Lily hurried off to Charms.

They skidded to a halt in front of the classroom and threw themselves over the threshold, just in time, both coming up short in front of tiny Professor Flitwick and the rest of the class.

Their teacher just shot them a warning look, but simply shooed them into their seats instead of taking off points. Lily allowed a small smirk to appear on her usual stoic features. Being the teacher's pet had its rewards.

Professor Flitwick started taking attendance.

"Sirius Black?"

Sirius waved his arm impatiently and then slumped his head back on his desk. James gave him a half hearted thump on the back, but it went unnoticed. Lily smiled lightly when she caught his eye and as he mouthed, "Hopeless."

"Benjy Fenwick?"

"Present."

Lily gave a small wave over to Benjy. She didn't know him that well, but he was nice and was waving to her when she looked over at the sound of his name. She granted him a fake smile.

"Caradoc Dearborn."

"Right here."

The smile slid off Lily's face. She spun around quickly, drawing a couple glances and stared behind her, in the direction the voice had come.

There he sat in his seat, a handsome smile gracing his face, looking more perfect than ever. Lily gulped. He looked even better close up.

"Lily Evans?"

Lily didn't even hear her name being called, because at that moment, most of the class turned expectantly toward her. All but one. Caradoc stared determinedly down at his desk, groping for something in his bag.

Lily was sure it was a farce. He couldn't even make eye contact with her.

Her heart dropped, and she felt tears start to come on. Then Natalie nudged her.

"Here," she replied in a calm, even tone. Her face didn't twitch, her eyes did not water, and she held her composure flawlessly, fixing another blank stare on her face. Flitwick nodded at her, reassuringly.

"Remus Lupin?"

But Lily didn't find out if Remus was in class. She was staring hard into her desk, desperately wishing she could just apparate out of the classroom. She turned her head when she felt someone's gaze upon her.

She met James' eyes, from across the room, and got lost in them. For how long they stared at each other, she did not know, but she was able to read them easily. They were full of understanding and hope; exactly what Lily had hoped there would be.

She finally nodded subtly, letting a small smile crinkle her eyes and slip through her façade, and then turned to Natalie, features blank once again.

"Are you okay?" Natalie whispered worriedly.

Lily shrugged. "I will be," she murmured back, brandishing her wand to start following Flitwick's request. "When I get him back."

Natalie nodded, surveying her friend with a hint of pride and a triumphant look.

"That's the Lily Evans I know."

Lily grinned, pleased. She was back and ready to fight.

The rest of class flew by quickly. Lily refused to let herself turn around in her seat once to just glimpse of him, as much as she wanted to. It was taking a lot of her self control, concentrating on meaningless charms that she could do in her sleep, and not paying attention to the one thing she cared about. She was startled when she heard the bell ring.

So much for a double period, she thought to herself as she packed up. She then stopped, hesitated and chanced a look behind her. Caradoc had slung his bag around his shoulder, bid his friends goodbye and had already taken off toward the door.

Lily stood there, feeling torn. She had already promised herself to take it slowly, but she could barely handle just sitting in class with him and not saying anything.

She hesitated, and then promised Natalie she'd meet her in Arithmancy. Then she headed out the door, hot on his heels.

She followed him doggedly for a couple minutes, unsure and very uneasy, trying to melt into the crowd, but also wanting to make herself seen. She didn't even feel the amount of people start to thin, didn't even notice when she and Caradoc were the only ones left in the corridor, just walking. Just when she decided to tap him on the shoulder, he stopped, spun around and faced her. She halted abruptly, and stared at the ground sheepishly, like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Caradoc surveyed her cautiously for a couple moments before breaking the awkward silence between them.

"Yes, Evans?" he asked, coolly.

Lily pulled herself together and looked up at him, the only expression of nervousness shown by her relentless wringing of her hands.

"Hi," she said a little breathlessly, hoping that his gaze would soften.

It didn't.

There was more silence.

"Do you need something? Or is there another reason you're following me?" he asked pointedly, checking his watch, as if this were wasting his time.

Lily stopped wringing her hands, and wiped her sweaty palms on her robes and took a step forward.

"Why didn't you return any of my owls this summer?" she asked, desperation clear in her tone.

Caradoc furrowed his eyebrows. "I thought that it was obvious."

Lily ignored the stabbing feeling in her heart.

"Well," she started, trying to keep her composure after that blow to her pride, "I just wanted, in person, to just apologize once more and…"

Caradoc cut her off by holding up a hand. Lily's words trailed off into nothingness.

"Not really interested in an apology," he said firmly. Then he spun on his heel, and left her in the corridor without another word.

She stood there a few seconds, watching what had happened unfold in her head.

That could have gone better, she told herself. But she straightened her shoulder, smoothed her skirt and her hair, and took off to Arithmancy, willing the tears in her eyes to disappear.

She again, made it just in time, but as Professor Vector ushered her into the classroom, she noticed out of the corner of her eye Caradoc chatting with James and Remus.

At that moment, James caught her eye sadly, and sighed understandingly. Lily sighed in return, and swept into the classroom and into the seat Natalie had saved for her.

"How'd it go?" Natalie asked quietly, as soon as she sat down.

Lily rubbed her temples and propped her elbows up on her desk in and unladylike manner.

"Not good," she muttered, her eyes closed.

Natalie rubbed her friend's arm sympathetically. "He'll come around," she said firmly, but sounding like she was trying to convince herself at the same time.

"That he will," Lily agreed, trying to stay optimistic.

Then she pulled out her materials and got ready to take notes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

James nodded in response to Caradoc's farewell, and then took off with Remus toward the Great Hall. They both had free period next, and had arranged to meet Sirius for lunch, and then some Quidditch.

Poor Lily, he thought to himself as he absently listened to whatever Remus was saying. It must have been hard for her to see him talking to Caradoc shortly after trying to do the same, with no success.

But then again, he argued with himself, he did know how she felt. The feeling of desperation, disappointment, and hopelessness had flooded him when he had seen Dorcas chatting with Lily.

Surprisingly, he didn't feel any resentment toward her. Usually, he was struck with an insane amount of jealousy, whenever he saw her talking with anyone, girl and guy alike, back in the days when they had dated. He had never been able to tell any guy off for flirting with her, or tell a bitchy girl to back off.

His heart dropped again. Back in the days, when she had been his.

Oh well, he thought to himself in resignation, as he nodded agreeably to someone Remus had asked him. I'm not angry at Lily. It's probably just because I know she's going through the same thing, he assured himself.

James found himself lost in thought, all the way down to lunch, not aware that Remus had stopped attempting conversation with him.

Sirius barely looked up from his plate, which was heaped high of food that was missing from nearby platters, when James and Remus plopped down across from them.

He even missed the knowing looks exchanged between his friends, and their none too soft conversation about him that they were holding in his presence.

His thoughts reverted back to the brief meeting that had been very anticipated since the end of last year. It didn't go that bad, he tried to convince himself, absently playing with his hands in his lap. She couldn't have done worse, like hexed his balls off of him, he thought.

He grinned to himself absently. He wouldn't have put it past her.

True, she had called him by his surname, hadn't accepted or even attempted to hear his apology, and had glared at him for the duration of the exchange, but it could have been worse, he told himself hopefully.

Who are you kidding, his conscience asked him.

Oh great, he thought. Even my subconscious is watching me make a fool out of myself.

His subconscious shook its head at James' stupidity.

Time for Plan B, he told himself in resignation, and pulled some food toward him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily plopped down on the couch unattractively, carelessly throwing her bookbag nearby. She let out a sigh of contentment before sprawling herself all over the cushions, hands covering her eyes, and deeply wishing for a foot rub.

The only problem with lying out and relaxing is that it allows your mind to wander. And that's exactly was afraid of, and where it would wander off to.

She groaned to herself and rolled over on her back, glaring at the ceiling, when she couldn't find anything to occupy her mind besides going back over her day, which had, coincidentally, been bloody awful.

Her face fell into a painful grimace, one she never showed to the public, as she recounted the six times she was made a fool out of by the one and only, Caradoc Dearborn. The three times she had been caught staring at him, the two notes that had been sighted which had their names doodled on, and the one actual meeting, which had ended very badly.

Her glare intensified as panic threatened to overtake her. Her reputation was definitely going to suffer. She had pretty much managed to do in one day, which she had been trying to prevent from happening all last year: showing the feelings she had for Caradoc to the rest of the school.

She rolled over and punched the pillow on which her magnificent head was resting and yelled into it a couple times. Then she rolled back over, feeling only a little bit better.

She mentally slapped herself several times. How could she had been so stupid? Why didn't she just try and stick to the plan? Nice and slowly was the only way to approach this challenge, and she had failed today, six times, the one day that mattered the most.

She rolled back over to her stomach, and buried her face into the pillow, half heartedly hoping to suffocate and end all her problems.

She knew what faced her tomorrow. Tomorrow, the news would have spread, and she'd be the number one topic on the gossip chain. How the impenetrable, the invincible, the brick wall of emotion, had been bested; how the ice queen of Hogwarts got her heart broken.

She punched the pillow again, except this time much more weakly, as if the thought of being the topic of conversations between giggling girls with no lives, had drained her.

But I won't be the only juicy story, she told herself ironically. James has got to be suffering as much as me.

It was true. James had made a bigger fool out of himself than she did. But then again, James did have a big ego, no self control, and was very open, much more so than she.

At least James will be there to share my misery, she thought dully to herself, and then felt ashamed. She wouldn't wish what she was feeling on her worst enemies, let alone her friends.

Although the news of Lily falling in love was much more shocking than James falling in love, James was much more popular; people just loved to talk about him.

She punched the pillow again, this time so weakly that it barely made contact before dangling over the side of the couch.

"I might try that myself."

Lily didn't even bother looking up. She recognized James' voice, and no one else had the password to their dorm. She gave a feeble groan in response.

She heard him move almost silently around her, and then sink onto the back of her legs. She removed her face from the pillow, and cracked an eye at him, glaring at him

"Is there a reason you're sitting on my legs when there's an empty chair right next to you?" Lily mumbled against the pillow, although not really caring.

James grinned feebly, but made no attempt to move.

Lily rolled her eyes and sunk her head back in her pillow.

"I might try that myself," James repeated.

Lily didn't reply.

"There's nothing like a good attempt at violence toward a stationary object while simultaneously considering asphyxiation, to take your mind off being completely rejected and humiliated by the love of your life," James said seriously.

Lily chortled into her pillow before attempting to turn over to face him. He only sat up temporarily when she looked at him pointedly, but as soon as she turned her legs over, he sunk back down on them. She rolled her eyes but didn't say anything.

"Bad day?" she asked cautiously, although already knowing the answer.

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, glaring at the ceiling like Lily had done only moments before.

"You could say that."

Lily sighed. "I need a plan, James."

James grinned and closed his eyes, with his head now tilted back against the back of the recliner.

"Join the club."

Lily grinned back, studying his face unabashed, now that his eyes were closed. She didn't know what her fascination was with him when he was sleeping, but he looked just the same as he had in the compartment on the train, and the first night back when she had told him about Caradoc; utterly, and completely at peace.

Lily tore her gaze away from his face and shifted uncomfortably, trying to refocus on a strategy. James' eyes flew open when he felt her move.

"Do you want me to move?" he asked concernedly, turning to her for the first time.

She shook her head absently, waving a hand, gesturing to the unimportance of the question.

"I just don't know what to do," she said impatiently. "Caradoc will never get over his pride enough to at least talk to me. How can I possibly get him listen to my side of the story, if he refuses to even have a civil conversation with me?" she mused, more to herself than to James.

"You're telling me," James said tiredly, leaning back once more against the couch. "Have you met Dorcas? Stubborn is her middle name."

Lily nodded. "Then how are you going to get through to her?" she asked him, hoping that his answer might be a sudden inspiration to her.

"Beats me," James said, eyes still closed. "I'm still trying to get up the nerve to even look at her, after today."

Lily shook her head disbelievingly. "So you're just giving up?" she asked harshly.

James opened his eyes and gave her a lopsided grin, ignoring her tone.

"Not in a million years."

"Then help me figure this out!" Lily cried out impatiently, struggling to sit up. But James wasn't moving, and her legs were still trapped under him, so she gave up and sunk back into the couch.

"I'm trying here, Lily," James said, sounding a little annoyed. "Sorry if I'm not good company at the moment, but I've been struggling over this question the entire day, and on top of being humiliated only ten times, I still haven't got an answer," he snapped.

Lily relaxed back into the couch. That was what she had wanted to hear.

"Good."

James looked a little taken aback.

"Good?" he asked, curiously.

Lily shrugged and rubbed her temples. "I just want to make sure you're taking this as seriously as I am."

James stared at her for a moment. "Don't think for a second that I'm not."

Lily glanced at him. He was looking extremely serious.

"Not in a million years," she said, echoing him from a couple seconds before. The grin reappeared on James' face.

Then it returned to serious. He drew his legs up and set them on the table beside the couch, not registering Lily's squirm of impatience.

"I figure that the only way for Dorcas to even hear me out is if she comes up with it on her own," James said thoughtfully, fiddling with the hem of his robes.

Lily nodded, agreeing. "Caradoc has to feel like he's in control of the situation. He's never does anything that isn't on his own terms."

"Dorcas is the same way," James agreed. His tone turned a little wistful. "I wish she'd just decide to forgive me."

Lily rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of the wish, but appreciated it all the same.

"It seems hopeless," James said quietly.

"There's got to be a way," Lily said a little desperately, sounding like she was trying to convince herself.

James snorted. "Well unless you know a couple of angels who owe you one and are willing to come down for a little visit and convince Caradoc and Dorcas to take us back, this "way",(he held up quotation marks), is proving hard to find," he finished sarcastically.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes, I thought of that too, but there's no one that I could actually trust for the job," she said impatiently. "Plus the fact that there's no one that would…" Lily trailed off as an idea suddenly hit her.

James continued as if he didn't hear her. "Yeah," he agreed disappointingly. "Plus, Dorcas would smell a rat right away." He looked a little wistful. "Too bad, huh?" he asked, turning to Lily, who hadn't said anything.

Lily was staring at James, as if she had never seen him before. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, then opened it, and then closed it again, all the while her eyes widened and her arms started waving.

She jumped off the couch, sending James toppling to the floor. She started pacing quickly up and down the couch, a smile growing on her face.

James sat up and rubbed his head, before glaring at her and flopping back on the couch.

"What in the bloody hell, is it?" James asked shortly, still rubbing his head.

Lily finally stopped pacing, and stood in front him, positively gleeful.

"I think I have an idea," she said eagerly, barely containing her excitement.


	15. Detentions and Confrontations

Please review!!!! And enjoy…

Chapter 15:

"Well?" James asked a little impatiently as he sat up on the couch, ignoring the ache in his arse where he had had fallen.

Lily had been pacing for a couple moments now, completely oblivious that James was still in the room, her lips moving in silent concentration.

James sat up straighter. Whatever idea this was, it had to be good if it had Lily Evans so excited.

James studied her for a moment, forgetting his curiosity for her sudden inspiration. He had never seen her like this. True, he thought to himself as he watched her pace, I was never friends with her before, but I doubt anyone has ever seen her this excited.

And it was definitely a sight to behold.

Lily was positively glowing, excitement radiating off of her. Her hair was flying ever which way, shining in the light of the fire, her hands waving enthusiastically. Then she stopped and turned to him, obviously ready to share what had gotten her so worked up.

James' breath caught in his throat for a second. He had never seen her like this, so unguarded, so...

Free.

She had a grin stretching from ear to ear, her perfectly straight, white teeth shining like a beacon. He noticed a dimple that he was sure he hadn't noticed before, because she never smiled like this. It reached up to her eyes, crinkling the corners and making her eyes glow.

James' gaze finally met hers straight on, and he gaped in awe, unaware that Lily was now watching him as well.

He had always found her eyes to be very exquisite; he had never seen green eyes her shade before. But now; he felt as though someone slugged him with a baseball bat.

They were positively glowing iridescently, sparkling and glittering, giving off more light to her face, as if her features had forgotten that they were supposed to be shadowed and only lit up by the occasional flickering of the fire.

"James, are you okay?" he heard Lily as him worriedly.

And as he watched, the smile slowly slid off her face as he stared unashamedly, and her eyes slowly darkened to their previous state, with walls encompassing them.

James shook his head slightly, like a dog trying to shake water from his ears. What was wrong with him?

He willed a smile on his face and then nodded reassuringly. Then he hesitated.

"Why aren't you like that more often?" James asked slowly, looking up at her.

Lily cocked her head a little, and sat down next to him, her original train of thought forgotten.

"Like what?" she asked curiously.

James shook his head unbelievingly. "Like how you just were!" he explained rather loudly. "You were so unguarded and alive; you were smiling for real, and your eyes…" he trailed off trying to find an adequate description of what they looked like.

"They were glowing," he exclaimed, almost put out that she didn't recognize what he was talking about.

Lily's eyes furrowed together, still looking confused, looking at him like he was crazy.

James searched her gaze for a moment, looking for any hint of light that was there before, but it was extinguished as if it were doused in cold water. He then sat back with a slightly disappointed look and decided to drop it.

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter right now. Tell me your idea."

Lily only gave him one more questioning look before taking a deep breath to begin.

James watched her intensely, waiting for her to drop her guard, but it didn't happen again.

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Lily shoved away her curiosity when James reminded her of her idea. But that didn't mean she meant to forget it.

She jumped back up and stared down at James.

"Listen," she said as her excitement started to come back. "We both agreed that the only way for either Dorcas or Caradoc to ever reconsider their refusal to talk to us is if we aren't the ones convincing them. They are both stubborn and proud and won't change their minds unless they decide too."

James waited patiently. They had gone over this before. He nodded for her to continue.

She resumed her pacing. "Now I was thinking about it all day, but I barely gave it any thought because I didn't think that I would be able to find a person," she explained lightly. "I figured that the only person willing to help me would be Natalie, but she's not friends with him, and he knows how close we are and would be as willing to listen to her as he was to me," she continued, her voice trembling with excitement.

James was still lost.

"Lily, we've already gone over this," he said gently, as if not wanting to crush her excitement. "It would be ideal, yes, but there's no one…"

She cut him off again, her voice trembling with suppressed excitement.

"There is someone," she said firmly, staring at him in the eyes.

James stood up now too, his eyes widening.

"Who?" he asked eagerly.

She grinned into his blank look.

"You."

James looked baffled for a second, and the beautiful understanding dawned on his face.

"And for me, it would be…" he started slowly.

"Me," she said, unable to keep a smile off her face.

James sat down to take this all in as Lily started pacing again, growing more pleased with the idea as she went.

"It's perfect, you see," she continued, "Caradoc doesn't know that we are friends so he won't assume that I asked you to talk to him for me. Plus the fact that you already know about us so I don't have to worry about telling anyone else. And you're good enough friends with him, and he actually respects you. I can't believe I didn't think of it before," she said, thinking out loud in amazement, "but you're the obvious choice. It all fits," she finished happily, turning to James, who was still running all the possibilities through his head.

She knelt down on the floor to his level and stared at him straight in the eye.

"And you know I would do it for you in a heartbeat," she said firmly, even surprising herself with this declaration of unwavering friendship.

James held her hands in his and grinned a breathtaking grin.

"Of course I'll do it," he exclaimed happily. "Sweet Merlin, this just might work!" he said as he jumped up and pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

He then let go of her quickly, forgetting her problem with invasion of personal space.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I forgot…"

But she cut him off by laughing loudly and throwing her arms around his neck joyously, hugging him tightly. James responded by sweeping her off her feet and swung her around happily, spinning around, arms encircling her tightly as well.

James stood there, not letting go of her, savoring every second that he knew, buried happily into his shoulder, her eyes were alight again and she found him worthy enough to drop her wariness in his presence.

They stayed like that for a full minute, alternately giggling giddily into each others shoulders, absently grinning goofily, both processing the possibilities.

Finally, Lily pulled away, still grinning like an idiot, and looked up at him.

She hadn't seen him so happy for a long time, even past their short friendship, back in the days when he was an innocent prankster.

James was thinking the same thing about her.

She absently rubbed her trembling hands down on her skirt, absentmindedly straightening it like she always did. Then she held out her hand, reminiscent of their first meeting on the train.

"So do we have a deal, Mr. Potter?" she asked mockingly, yet completely serious at the same time.

James captured her hand in his own, squeezing it tightly, ignoring how they perfectly melted together.

"Yes, Ms. Evans, we have a deal."

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Lily bounced lightly on her toes, shifting from foot to foot, impatiently waiting in front of the portrait hole for Natalie. She, of course, knew the password into her old commonroom, but had no desire to go in. She had also promised to meet Natalie outside of it, so they could go down to breakfast together.

Her thoughts reverted back to last night, and the stroke of genius that she had had. She unconsciously grinned, remembering how everything fell into place, how perfectly willing James was to help, and the first good night sleep she had gotten in forever.

Although she had slept soundly, she still barely had gotten any. She and James had stayed up pretty late going over their plans to talk some sense into each other's ex. They had both come up with some pretty good ideas, some that Lily was eager to put into play this morning, as well as eager that James would do the same.

The first and foremost thing they agreed on was to play down their friendship. People obviously knew they were on civil terms because of the positions they both occupied, but if they realized just how close they actually were, it would blow the entire plan.

Dorcas and Caradoc could not find out that they were consulting each other. The only way they could get away with it is if both of them felt that there was no chance that whatever they said would get back to Lily and James.

They both agreed to only sit with each other occasionally during mealtimes, keep their classroom eye contact low, and only really address each other in the Head Room.

Lily glanced at her watch impatiently. Natalie was a couple minutes late, as always. She was about to enter the Fat Lady's portrait when Natalie burst out, looking a little more scandalized than usual.

"Sorry I'm late," she said breathlessly, as she fell into step beside Lily. She started combing her hair between her fingers, trying to get out all the knots. "A first year caught his Transfiguration book on fire. I stopped to help him out," she said modestly, still working on her hair.

Lily suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. Although Lily would have been done the same, it would have been done out of obligatory reasons. Natalie just liked helping people.

The entire school loved her to death; she knew almost everyone by name and was on a first name basis with them. Even some of the Slytherins knew her well.

Lily shrugged her shoulders uncomfortably as she scuffed her shoe against the cold flagstones. "That was nice of you."

Although she had been happy about getting Head Girl, she had always been a little surprised. She had assumed that Natalie would have gotten it. Although she was much more successful academically, Natalie was a natural born leader, and she was loved by every student in the castle.

Lily, in short, was not. Sure, she had acquaintances here and there, and the teachers praised her often, but the students would not unanimously follow her, wherever she decided to go. They would follow Natalie off a cliff, if she so asked. Lily was sure that Natalie would have been a better candidate for the job.

Natalie shook her head. "Dumbledore had his reasons, Lily," she said, reading her friend's mind, if not her blank features. "I didn't even want it," she assured her.

Lily nodded gratefully, not wanting to dive into a discussion about it.

Natalie graciously changed the subject. "So any luck with the Caradoc situation?" she asked casually.

Lily slapped her hand to head. "I can't believe I forgot to tell you!" Lily groaned and promptly pulled Natalie into an empty classroom.

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James slid onto the bench in the Great Hall across from Sirius, nearly twenty minutes late for breakfast.

James ran a hand hurriedly through his jet black tresses, in his hast forgetting the near impossibility of taming them. He quickly pulled some food onto his plate and started shoveling it into his mouth while Remus poured him a glass of orange juice, with a slightly disgusted look on his face, due to the speed at which James was eating. Sirius looked on with a morbid fascination.

"What kept you?" Remus asked with a raised eyebrow, as he set the goblet down in front of him.

"I slept in," James said simply as he swallowed long enough to take a sip from it.

Sirius snuck a piece of kipper off his plate, ducking as James made a half assed- attempt to smack him, wildly missing him. The remaining food on his plate prevented him from making a second try.

"Last time you slept in this late was the last full moon," Sirius said thoughtfully, dodging another swipe, this time from Remus.

"Keep it down, you twit! Next time, scream it for the whole world to hear," Remus scolded him exasperatedly, eyes bulging slightly, smacking him upside the head, this time not missing.

Sirius rubbed his head possessively, sticking his tongue out childishly.

"No one heard me, Moony," he said, rolling his eyes. "Don't get your knickers in a bunch." He pulled another piece of kipper off James' plate, ignoring his friend's indignant noise.

"I'd appreciate it if we didn't discuss Moony's knickers," James said thickly, dropping a piece of partially chewed food onto the table that escaped the confines of his mouth when he spoke.

"Seconded," Remus replied hurriedly, trying to not be too appalled by falling food particles from James' packed mouth. "Although, I think we would've appreciated it more if your esophageal cavity was devoid of unidentifiable, partially digested culinary items," he added.

James and Sirius both gave him disgusted looks, James' mouth slightly open, creating another opportunity for food to tumble out, which it did.

It was Sirius' turn to take a swipe at Remus.

"Not so loud, you idiot!" Sirius said exasperatedly, echoing Remus from a moment ago. "What did I tell you about big words and long sentences? Are you trying to ruin the Marauder reputation?" Sirius asked worriedly, glancing around, trying to see if anyone had heard.

James nodded, agreeing. "It's not good for our image," he added, replacing the food now around his plate back into his mouth.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Don't talk with your mouth full," he rectified.

Sirius nodded, patting Remus on the back. "That wasn't so hard now, was it?"

Remus shoved Sirius' hand off him, again looking disgusted. "You guys worry me, sometimes."

James gave a muffled chuckle. "We'd be worried if you weren't worried."

Sirius grinned, again fascinated by the amount of food James' was consuming.

"Yeah," he agreed, distractedly. "Wait, what?"

Remus stared at his friends in disbelief before sinking down in his seat, resting his head and arms on the table, trying to ignore James' explanation, which he was attempting without bothering to swallow, once again.

"I need to find more intelligent company," Remus muttered to himself.

"We could have told you that a long time ago, Remus," a voice said behind him.

Remus turned to see a smiling Lily, and a frowning Natalie standing just behind her. They were just passing, both holding food encompassed by napkins.

"Miss breakfast?" he asked conversationally, nodding to their burdens.

Lily's grin widened; Remus tried to remember the last time he had saw her smile like this.

"I slept in," Lily said, with a not so subtle wink at James. He winked back smoothly; he had swallowed as soon as they had walked up.

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"See ya in class," Lily said, the grin not fading from her face, and then strode away, Natalie sending Sirius a scathing look as they went by. Sirius looked delighted.

"What have you got to say about that, Moony? Still think I'm in love with the devil's spawn?" Sirius asked amusedly, clearly believing that he had a point.

"What about that exchange was supposed to change my mind?" Remus asked incredulously, glancing suspiciously at James. "You're probably ready to pee your pants because she acknowledged you."

He quickly turned to James, ignoring Sirius' indignant huffing noises. "What was that about?"

James looked up from his food, trying to fix one of Lily's blank looks on his face. "What was what about?" he asked innocently.

Remus leaned forward and lowered his voice, and then hesitated, as if he was trying to figure something out in his head.

"I thought you were in love with Dorcas," he asked seriously, eyes trained on his friend's face, which turned into a mask of surprise.

James dropped his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter.

"Of course he is," Sirius interjected, forgetting his annoyance with Remus, his tone now incredulous. "Where have you been, Moony?"

"How could you think that I'm not?" James asked, abandoning his food completely, and ignoring Sirius.

Remus looked troubled. "But, with Lily," he explained quietly, "she just said that she slept in. And then the winking, and you both getting up late, that empty dorm room…" he raised an eyebrow suggestively, not wanting to complete the sentence.

James looked confused for a second, then understanding dawned on him. He leaned back and laughed loudly.

Sirius looked appalled. He shook James' shoulder roughly, trying to pull him out of his hilarity.

"What the bloody hell were you thinking, Prongs?" he said, shocked. "I mean, I know she's hot and all, and, I mean, I've got the same urges as the next guy, but what…"

James cut him off, still chortling.

"We didn't do anything," James assured them, another chuckle escaping him. "Lily came up with a great idea on how to get our…" he paused, trying not to stumble over his words, "… I mean, my… uh… Dorcas back," he finished a little lamely.

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief, but Remus still looked apprehensive.

"Seriously, Moony," he said hurriedly, ignoring Sirius' usual response to whenever he heard the word, "serious," "we stayed up late working on my strategy."

Remus looked him in the eye, like he always did when he thought James was lying.

"She's just helping me out. As _friends_," James reassured him.

Remus looked at him for another moment, while James shifted uncomfortably under his stare. Then he stood up, apparently satisfied.

Sirius and James mimicked him, both swinging their school bags over their shoulders, Sirius stealing another piece of kipper off of James' almost empty plate.

"Sorry that I jumped to such a conclusion, mate," Remus said apologetically, as they headed out into the entrance hall.

James brushed him off easily, holding the door open for both his friends before following.

"Don't worry about it, Moony," he said, releasing the door so it swung to a close behind him. "Anyone who was listening could have gotten the wrong idea."

He and Remus both looked doubtingly toward Sirius who was now picking his nose with his wand.

"Well," he rectified, "any normal person, that is," he added as an afterthought.

Both he and Remus laughed, and Sirius pulled his wand out of his nasal canal.

"So what was this brilliant plan that Evans thought of?" Sirius asked, a little dubiously. "Couldn't have been better than mine," he added, looking a little affronted.

James rolled his eyes as they traveled up the stone staircase to Transfiguration.

"Sorry, Pads, kidnapping and imprisonment just wasn't what I was going for," he retorted.

Ignoring Remus' shrieks of protests at the idea of kidnapping/ imprisoning Dorcas, Sirius plowed on.

"Then what is this marvelous strategy that will supposedly work better?" Sirius interrupted, as they reached the landing.

"Well," he said decidedly, "it's like this…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily stood in front of the Transfiguration classroom with Natalie, both munching on the breakfast they had grabbed from the Great Hall this morning. McGonagall had yet to show up, even though it was quite late and class would be starting any minute.

Lily bit back a yawn and swallowed the rest of her muffin and dusting her hands off. She was a tad bored.

She stole a glance at Natalie, who looked far from it. She was surrounded by a group of people, girls and boys alike, the former wishing they were her, and the latter wishing they could have her. She was simply chatting with them, a beautiful smile on her face, periodically flipping her hair over her shoulder attractively, and causing the boys to drool.

Lily glanced over, hiding her envy thoroughly. She wasn't sure why she was so jealous, because she usually didn't care. But it just hit her suddenly, as she watched all these people infatuated with her best friend.

No one loved her like that.

Lily tore her gaze away from Natalie entertaining the group, and speculated more on her best friend.

As she had thought before, Natalie could have been the ugliest hag that had ever set foot at Hogwarts, and she would still be the center of attention. She had charm and class that people simply gravitated too. Her stunning beauty just added to it.

She subtly moved away from her friend, inching away along the wall of the classroom, hoping Natalie didn't notice. She always worried and fretted afterwards because she didn't want Lily to feel excluded. Truth be told, Lily did feel a little awkward there, standing off to the side, feeling envious, but she didn't show it. She simply stood a little straighter as she inched away, her blank look and confident poise stopping any judgments on her solitude that came her way.

She stopped moving until she was a good five feet from Natalie's congregation of admirers, and willed herself to ignore them. She was truly blessed to have Natalie as a best friend, and she had to accept that others wanted to be her friend too.

Lily sighed softly. Oh well, she thought, resisting the urge to see if Natalie had noticed her departure.

Her thoughts were interrupted when a small figure thudded against the wall next to her, slumping attractively against the cold stone. Lily turned, trying not to show her surprise.

"Hey, Dorcas," Lily said warmly, smiling at her friend. Outwardly, she seemed quite at ease, but inwardly, she frantically tried to remember her strategy that she and James had worked on last night, not wanting to waste the opportunity. An excited lull overcame her insides; she was eager to get the plan underway.

Dorcas nodded a greeting, returning a grin. She then snuck a look over Lily's shoulder, with a questioning look. As if on cue, the group around Natalie erupted in laughter. Dorcas raised an eyebrow.

Lily chanced a look over her shoulder, finally catching her friend's eye. Natalie deflated a bit, looking apologetic, and made to make her way over, but Lily smiled reassuringly at her friend to stop her and then turned back to Dorcas.

"She can't help it," Lily said, shrugging, but still a little troubled.

Dorcas nodded understandingly. "But what about you?" she asked carefully.

Lily, who was trying to stall and come up with a suitable way to drop James' name into the conversation without arousing suspicion, glanced at Dorcas, surprised.

"What about me?" she asked, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ears.

Dorcas shrugged and tugged on a lock of her own hair. "Doesn't it bother you, being by yourself all the time?"

Lily looked down quickly, trying to mask the flash of sadness that passed through her features as she related this to another part of her life, but looked up soon after.

Lily had presumed that Dorcas hadn't realized the double meaning of what she had said; the loneliness she felt without Caradoc by her side, the emptiness she felt by knowing she didn't have their moments to look forward to.

But when she looked up to meet Dorcas' gaze, Lily realized that she knew exactly what she had implied.

Lily swallowed hard. "I can manage," she said softly, answering both of the questions that Dorcas had implied.

Dorcas nodded her dark head slowly, her wavy hair dancing lightly on her shoulders.

"It's harder than you might think," Dorcas said softly, breaking eye contact.

Lily's heart leapt as she realized what her friend had meant. She had to be talking about James! She readied herself excitedly, though trying to calm herself. She fixed a confused look on her features, hoping that Dorcas would confide the same information in her that James had.

"Who-?"

But before Lily could question her further, she heard a drawling voice that disrupted her thoughts and that quieted the corridor almost immediately. She drew her head around, so curious at who was having such an effect on the student population that she forgot about her and Dorcas' conversation. She groaned as she saw the perpetrator.

"Now you have your own fan club, Smith?" Sirius sneered, feigning incredulity.

Lily glanced behind him and saw James cover his eyes with one hand, either ashamed of his friend's obvious attempt to pick a fight, or scared that the outcome might be violent, Lily didn't know. However she tried to catch his eye and give him a thumbs up sign, attempting to convey partial success on her mission. She decided against it, figuring that either Dorcas would see or that James wouldn't, due to his hand obstructing his vision.

"They're called friends Black," she said disdainfully, dislodging herself from her group of admirers. "You should try getting some."

Sirius looked skeptical, almost wary at the weak come back. "What do you call the rest of the Marauder's? They're the best friends a bloke could ask for," he said, motioning to over his shoulder, without turning around, James, who tried to hide behind Remus, Peter who was sucking his thumb randomly, and Remus who was rolling his eyes so often that people watching him got dizzy.

Natalie laughed scornfully. "If telling yourself that helps you sleep at night, then by all means continue. Loyal, my arse," she said, clearly addressing the feigned ignorance of Sirius' existence by James, Remus, and Peter.

Lily, however, thought Sirius had more of a point. The people gathered around Natalie were not really her friends; simply admirers. Natalie was too nice to say otherwise, right in front of them. She defended them rightly, however, Sirius was more correct.

Sirius spared his friends a small glare before turning back to his enemy.

His eyebrows raised in suppressed anger. "At least, I don't have to sleep with half of my friends to even get their attention. Or stay up all night painting my nails or gossiping," Sirius added, referring the former to her male friends, and the latter to her female friends.

Natalie's eyes narrowed slightly as her "friends" behind her gave indignant huffs. One even exclaimed quietly, "That was just once!"

Her face then turned into a sickly sweet, confused look. "I was hoping not, Black," she said sweetly. "Unless, there's something you want to tell us."

Sirius hadn't caught on yet and looked wary, as if feeling that he was walking straight into a trap. "And what would that be?" he asked cautiously.

"Just that you like having sex with your male friends while painting your nails and exchanging the juiciest gossip," she answered him innocently and quickly, as if not wanting to waste the perfect opening that Sirius had presented.

The people looking on chittered appreciatively, as Remus and James looked disgusted at the thought of having sex with Sirius, and Peter still jamming his thumb in his mouth.

"Looks like Peter there is reminiscing from last night," she added, referring to Peter's continuous sucking of his thumb, clearly being misunderstood. The crowd laughed loudly, purposely misinterpreting what Peter was actually sucking on.

"Question, Black," she said over the laugher, "is there a reason why it's his thumb and not his other fingers? Or is he just referring symbolically to size?"

Sirius turned pink angrily, then whipped out his wand, as people started to close in on the both of them, forming a circle. Lily simply watching from her position against the wall, fingering her wand, ready if she needed to interfere. She was Head Girl, after all.

"Not jealous, are we Smith?" he asked wickedly, sending a hex her way. "We _all_, the emphasis on 'all' here, know your feelings on that particular subject."

Natalie blocked the hex impatiently, violently throwing on his way in retaliation. "I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole, Black!" she shrieked shrilly, correcting assuming what he was talking about. She always lost control when he mentioned that day, which he threw in her face frequently.

Sirius dodged her hex and let it hit someone in the crowd behind him. He ignored the cry of pain, happy that it wasn't he who was feeling the after effects of it.

"You didn't sound like that at the end of fifth year, did you, Smith?" he asked amused, another burst of light erupting from his wand.

"Protego," she muttered. "I changed my mind, after hearing that you wet the bed on a regular basis," she assured him sweetly. The group surrounding them chortled loudly, remembering the ride on the Hogwarts express.

"That's a turn off, Black," talking to him as if he was a small child and was being forced to explain something in small words. "I don't know if you're aware, but something else is supposed to come out," she said in a fake sympathetic voice, hurling another hex at him. "Only you could mix those two up."

Sirius barely missed her spell and then stood up, laughing loudly along with the others.

"At least I attract the right species," he replied scathingly. "The name Buckbeak ring any bells?"

Natalie blushed scarlet through her glare. "At least he was the opposite gender!" she shot back loathsomely, as another ripple of laughter went through the students. They were enjoying this excessively.

Just as Lily was ready to put an end to it, McGonagall finally showed up to the lesson, completely in horror of what was occurring.

"Black! Smith!" she screamed shrilly. "What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing?"

Sirius and Natalie didn't try to explain; they simply glared at each other and kept their wands trained on each other.

McGonagall strode over and plucked both of their wands from their hands, probably afraid that they would continue using them.

"20 points from Gryffindor," she cried, angrily. When this didn't seem to affect either one of them, she added, "and Detention, tonight. Together."

Only at this pronouncement did they turn away from each other, still fuming. Both started complaining at once.

"Please, Professor…"

"There's Quidditch tonight,"

"Not with him, please!"

"Anything else…"

McGonagall stopped them with a glare that shut them up quickly. "25 points from Gryffindor," she rectified. "And if I hear another complaint, it will be 50. Now, everyone, into your appropriate classroom!" she yelled. As the crowed started to disperse, she rounded on Lily and James, who had been trying to inch away.

"Potter and Evans! Where do you think you're going?" she asked loudly, her mouth in a thin line.

"Into your classroom," they both replied innocently in unison.

Before she had a chance to reprimand them, they both ducked into the classroom, James barely realizing Dorcas leaning against the wall. He could have sworn she had been looking his way, but now she was grinning at Lily.

McGonagall considered following them in to scold, but students were still milling about the corridor, now chattering about the fight they had just witnessed.

"BACK TO YOUR CLASSROOMS!" McGonagall roared. The corridor emptied almost immediately.


	16. Scolding and Compromising Positions

**I just want to thank all my reviewers!! There's a couple of you that review on a regular basis and I love reading your feedback. There's a couple ideas that you've given me that I'm planning on incorporating into the rest of the story… Everything is starting to fall into place.**

**Some questions that you guys brought up that I'd like to address:**

**James and Lily will get together, I promise. It's pretty much a given for Christ's sakes.**

**I know that both of them crying after seeing their ex's was a tad unrealistic, but I did it purposefully, so you can compare what they were like w/ Dorcas and Caradoc to what they are going to be like with eachother.**

**Someone commented on one of my descriptions, where I referred to Lily's head as magnificent. Sorry if it confused some people; it's something I remember from one of the hp books; she describes fleur's head as magnificent. Lol I liked it so I used it too.**

**Thoughts are now going to be in italics… before I just used the same font but to clear up any confusion, it now will be different.**

**Bear with me; I've put quite a bit of thought into this story, so things will start to click and you should be able to see what direction I'm going in presently.**

**THANKS!!! Keep reviewing!**

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Chapter 16:

James' shot open at the sound of the bell, which was reverberating through the classroom. He sat up and wiped his eyes blearily, trying to remember where he was. He glanced over at Sirius, who was moodily throwing his things into his bag.

James hesitantly stood up. _I must have fallen asleep in class,_ he thought wearily, as he mimicked Sirius, haphazardly jamming his books into his book bag. He was about to round on Sirius for not waking him sooner, but stopped short at the sight of him so pissed.

_Probably because he has detention,_ James reasoned to himself, rubbing his eyes again.

Then, remembering why his friend got detention, James hurried swiftly to the door, hoping to get out of a scolding from McGonagall.

"Potter! Where do you think you're going?" McGonagall barked at him, standing up from behind her desk. Lily already stood in front of it, looking only a little apprehensive before her facial expressions smoothed impassively. She had obviously just been commandeered by the professor.

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, before sidling out of the way of the streaming queue of students, all struggling to get out before the other.

"On my way to see you, Professor, of course," he said sarcastically, before sending a breathtaking grin her way and making a 360 turn around from the door, back into the classroom.

She didn't seem amused. "Get over here, Potter. And try, in the future, to keep your cheeks to a minimum," she said icily, before striding around her desk to meet up with students leaving.

James gave her a mocking salute and went to stand by Lily as he heard McGonagall scream, "Black! Smith! Back in the classroom! We need to discuss your detention!"

James winced, mentally berating himself for not getting out of the classroom faster. _But then again,_ he thought as he saw McGonagall march back into the classroom holding Natalie and Sirius both by the ear, away from each other, _I probably wouldn't have gotten far._

McGonagall threw both of them in front of her desk, briefly turning a blind eye as they both stumbled, Sirius actually falling on the floor. She then swept around, settled primly into her seat again, and glared at each of them in turn, save for Sirius who hadn't gotten off the floor. Natalie took this moment to step, oh- so- accidentally, on Sirius' fingers.

"Do you two ever stop," she shrieked exasperatedly, before motioning Natalie to move over to Lily's other side, in what McGonagall assumed was a safe distance. She ignored Sirius' howl of pain completely.

Natalie did so without complaint, with a huge smirk on her face that she wasn't trying to cover. She winked happily at Lily, who rolled her eyes at her friend's immaturity, but approved all the same.

McGonagall had her fingers massaging her temples, completely exhausted already from having to deal with the four of them.

She surveyed them each in turn. Sirius, on the far left, nursing bruised fingers, and sneaking glares in the general direction of Natalie's whereabouts. James, next to him, standing quite warily, but had a hand rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Lily, next to him, stood straight, with her arms clasped behind her back, and expressionlessly, which was not surprising in the least. And finally Natalie, who was looking quite pleased with herself, possibly forgetting that she had detention.

First she turned to address Lily and James. "Potter and Evans, I've detained you only to impress the seriousness of your jobs," she said, fixing them with a fierce glare over her spectacles. "Your positions would not have been granted to you unless Professor Dumbledore had seen fit to do so. I am sure," she said, raising her voice, "that he expected you to actually carry out the duties that come with the title!"

James had the shame to at least look a little guilty; however, Lily didn't even flinch.

McGonagall paused for a moment, trying to calm herself a little.

"I assure you, for now on, that if either of you happen to witness, or provoke such direct disregard for the rules," she said, raising her voice to drown out James' protests at provoking the duel, "your badges will be revoked. Do you understand?"

Lily nodded once professionally, whereas James still looked a little mutinous, indignant at the idea that he had deliberately encouraged Sirius to make a fool out of himself.

Apparently she didn't think they had. "That means deducting points, doling out detention, handing out referrals, and patroling on a regular basis, and not excluding your friends," she stopped to pointedly glare at Sirius and Natalie, who both had the decency to look down, "from your authority or giving them preferential treatment," she finished sternly.

James and Lily both nodded in unison.

"You must remain impartial," she urged a little desperately, trying to force understanding onto them.

James and Lily nodded again, in unison.

McGonagall glared at them for another moment, feeling that she was wasting her time. She sighed and turned to other two. Her fury returned.

"And you two!" she said, a little shrilly, rising from her seat, and bracing herself with her hands on her desk, leaning over slightly in an attempt to intimidate them. It worked; both took a wary step back.

"Dueling in the corridors? With an audience?" she asked, although her shock wasn't genuine. She knew all to well the reputation of Natalie and Sirius' feud.

"This is the most inappropriate behavior that I have ever seen from you two. I won't pretend to not acknowledge the obvious loathing between both of you," she said sternly, ignoring the dirty look they both exchanged, "but before, you at least had the decency to restrain yourselves using only words, and in a more private environment."

Sirius looked up innocently. "So you're saying that me and Smith," (Lily added a, 'Smith and I' under her breath. James grinned at her, finding amusement in her grammatical priorities.) "can fight all we want, just without wands and not in public?" he asked, trying to look as serious as possible, not being able to help himself.

"Mr. Potter," McGonagall said turning to him, positively fuming, "Please inform Mr. Black of my policy on cheeks."

"Keep them to a minimum," James said weakly, trying to look apologetic.

Sirius only grinned. "Sorry, professor," he said articulately, "Must have misunderstood you."

McGonagall glared again at him. "I expect each and every Gryffindor to treat each and every classmate, regardless of house, although that is not the problem here, with respect and dignity!" she exclaimed. "There is no suitable excuse for this kind of behavior between you two!"

"Oh yes, there is," Natalie mumbled under her breath rebelliously. Sirius didn't even flinch.

"I expected, although wholeheartedly tried to stop, these confrontations between rivaling houses, but both of you are in Gryffindor!" she ploughed on, ignoring Natalie's interruption.

"This cannot continue; you will both have to set aside your differences, because until your graduation, I don't see, in the near future, any way to separate both of you, which I shouldn't even have to contemplate in the first place, because you are both 17 years of age and I would have hoped to glimpse a shred of maturity by now!" she finished, her voice rising to an alarming high again.

She paused, surveying them angrily over her glasses, and then sat herself down.

"Understood?" she asked nastily, daring them to disagree.

She received a barely discernable nod from Sirius, and a resigned sigh from Natalie.

Apparently, she decided that that was enough, and ploughed on to the detention.

"Your detention will be tonight at 8:00," she said sharply, her briskness returning, sinking back . She absently ruffled through a sheaf of parchment. "You will both meet Hagrid at his hut punctually, and do whatever he asked of you, with no complaint, or bickering between the two of you. Understood?" she asked again.

"Yes," they both muttered mutinously. James and Lily simply stood there.

"Very well," she said. "Dismissed."

James, Lily, Natalie, and Sirius lost no time in escaping. They all hurried out into the corridor, before McGonagall would change her mind and call them back to scold them more. They all let out sighs of relief, content for a moment.

James and Lily walked between Natalie and Sirius, each by their respective friend, in silence. James could _feel_ the anger emanating from the two of them, and noted, optimistically, that it was lucky that he and Lily had been yelled at also, because he was sure that they would have killed each other on the way to the Charms if he and Lily weren't with them.

"That wasn't too bad, right?" he said weakly. He was desperate to end the awkward silence, however it didn't look like anyone shared his wish.

Lily simply allowed a skeptical look to emerge from her impassive face, and said nothing.

Natalie snorted loudly, and flipped her hair over her shoulder haughtily.

"Says you," Natalie said indifferently, "I have detention tonight with Mr. Wet Dreams, over here."

Sirius blanched as even Lily laughed. "Just because you're so interested in my nighttime affairs, doesn't mean you can't keep them to yourself, Smith," he teased mockingly. "You wouldn't want to give the rest of the school the wrong idea. Or should I say, the right idea, seeing as you've already informed them of said interest," he added.

Natalie shook her head, amused. "You're right, Black, I shouldn't. I'll leave that to Pettigrew next time."

But before Sirius could retaliate, Lily interrupted. "Would you two give it a rest for a couple minutes?" she asked sharply. Both of them made indignant noises, Natalie looking huffy at being told off by her best friend.

Lily rolled eyes. "At least just until me and James aren't around to feel obligated to stop you," she corrected. Both of them fell silent.

James thumped her on the back, grinning. "You make an excellent point, Ms. Evans."

Lily smiled back and playfully punched him on the shoulder. "When do I not?" she asked innocently.

James laughed, and drew an arm up to his forehead dramatically, feigning shock. "What happened to modesty, my dear Lily?"

"I was just beating you to the punch," she assured him, unable to keep a grin from her face. "You know, taking credit where credit is due," she reminded him, echoing his words from the day before at breakfast.

James rolled his eyes, but appreciating the fact that she had remembered their conversation enough to throw his words back at him.

"Touche," he said, holding his hands up in mock surrender, before draping an arm around her shoulders, steering her into the Charms corridor.

Lily paused a moment, and then shrugged out of his grasp, pulling away.

"James, remember the plan," she said in a hushed voice.

James looked at her stupidly for a second, and then collected himself.

"Calm down, Lily," he said reassuringly, "No one is around; they're all in class."

Lily shrugged meaningfully. "Yes, I'm aware, but we should practice so we don't slip up in front of…" she trailed off, struggling to find something else to say to cover up the slip of words.

"Yeah, I know," James said hurriedly, ignoring the questioning looks from both Sirius and Natalie. "I won't, no worries."

They fell back into silence as they neared the Charms classroom. James let out and indiscernible breath that he wasn't aware he had been holding. He mentally slapped himself and wanted to shake Lily for admonishing him for slipping up, when she very well almost did. She had almost told Natalie about Dorcas and Sirius about Caradoc. He tried to go over what Natalie and Sirius would be thinking right now.

_Natalie will assume that Lily was talking about Caradoc, and Sirius will assume that she was talking about Dorcas, and both will assume the cover up was meant for the other, because Sirius doesn't know about Caradoc, and Natalie doesn't know about Dorcas,_ he thought to himself, mind racing.

All four of them stepped into the Charms classroom without another word, all making their way to their seats, save for Lily, who they had silently elected to enlighten little Professor Flitwick about their tardiness.

James dumped his bag to the floor unceremoniously, not really caring where it landed. He then propped his hand up with his hand on his desk and got lost in thoughts again, dutifully ignoring the teacher.

His mind traveled back a couple seconds before when he had put his arm around Lily very casually. There was one thing bothering him.

He had completely forgotten the plan. He had put his arm around her, without once considering the impact this had on their plan, even though he was fully aware that if they were seen so comfortable with each other, then Dorcas or Caradoc could very easily find out.

When she had warned him about displaying their friendship publicly, he had been confused. He really had no idea what she had been talking about. It had honestly taken him a couple seconds to finally remember what she was addressing.

James shook his head slowly, completely shocked with himself. He vowed to himself that he wouldn't mess up like that again. He couldn't let, however close they got, Lily and his friendship ruin any chances he had for getting Dorcas back.

And even as he reassured himself that his forgetfulness was due to his and Lily's rapidly growing friendship, his thoughts turned back to Dorcas.

_That's strange,_ he thought to himself,_ I haven't thought about her since beginning of Transfiguration. _ He quickly brushed this surprise aside, although he welcomed any waking moment that he wasn't completely obsessed with her. Last summer, having nothing to distract him, had been the worst.

He must have had a disturbed look on his face, for almost as soon as he digressed into one of his favorite day dreams, which of course, contained Dorcas, he felt something hit him in the arm.

His head shot up sharply from its resting point on his arms, and he looked in every which direction, trying to discern where, whatever it was, had hit him.

Finally, from the desk next to him, across the aisle, Caradoc was grinning. And as James watched, he pulled out his wand, did a swish and flick in James' general direction and mouthed an incantation that James didn't catch.

He said there a moment, looking expectant, and just when he was about to ask Caradoc what he was going on about, a paper ball came into view, levitating right in front of his nose.

He hurriedly snatched it from the air, mouthing to Caradoc, "You could have just pointed."

Caradoc's only response was to shrug and turn back toward the front.

_Always the show off,_ he thought exasperatedly to himself, before uncrinkling the parchment ball in front of him and smoothing the creases out with his fist as he read it.

**Why so glum, mate?**

James bit back a laugh. Caradoc was the sort of guy that would notice this stuff and be nice enough to inquire into it, as "feminine" as it might seem. But no one really gave him much grief about it; they knew that he was nice guy and liked to help people out. People really appreciated it half the time.

This was one of those times. When James first read the words, he automatically went into defensive mode. But then he remembered the plan; he could use this to his advantage.

He quickly dipped his quill into Sirius' inkwell, and paused. What should he write?

He tried to think like Lily. _She'd be careful,_ he thought, _and not scare him away._

He quickly tried to adopt a defensive manner, similar to the one he felt immediately after reading the note.

What are you talking about? And, honestly, you didn't have to levitate it for me; I could bent down and picked up on my own.

He threw it back to Caradoc, who immediately unfolded it, scribbled something down and threw it back to him.

**I'm in Charms, mate. I'd thought I'd practice, just for the hell of it. Plus, if Flitwick was watching, he couldn't really complain all that much. And, I'm talking about how you've been trying to bore a hole into your desk. **

James mentally shook himself. He'd have to be careful. He knew that Caradoc was only being a good friend, but if he had Caradoc noticing these things, it would be easier for him to find out about Lily and his agreement.

He tried to keep his features nonchalant, at once feeling a new kind of respect for Lily, who had a skill for wearing expressions that did not match her emotions, that wasn't rivaled; there was no competition.

I honestly have no idea what you're talking about, mate. I'm perfectly fine.

James nodded to himself, pleased. That should hook him.

**You're thinking about her, aren't you?**

You really think there's a second in the day when I'm not?.

James figured that the best way to get him to open up was to open up himself. Caradoc knew about him and Dorcas; maybe Caradoc would share as well, even though he had no idea that James already knew.

**It sucks, doesn't it? **

James almost leapt for joy when he read Caradoc's last note. He had to be referring to Lily!

He quickly moved to respond, hurriedly dipping his quill in Sirius' inkwell, which Sirius had not minded at all since the beginning of the period. But before he could scribble a reply, he felt a sharp tap on his shoulder. Before he could even turn to see who was behind him, the note was pulled out of his hands.

"Passing notes in class, Mr. Potter?" Flitwick asked sarcastically, as he plucked the crumbled piece of parchment from his clutching fingers.

The entire class silenced and swiveled in their seats, always up for the entertainment of watching another student get into trouble.

James squirmed uncomfortably, thanking god that he didn't have Charms with Dorcas.

"Of course not, professor," he said weakly, his gaze darting around the room looking for an escape. His eyes roved over an amused Sirius, a disapproving Remus, a slightly confused Lily, and finally rested on a horrorstruck Caradoc. 

He then glanced back up at Flitwick, who was looking at him skeptically, and absently levitating the note up and down in front of himself.

"Then what do you call this, Mr. Potter?" Flitwick asked him, ever so slightly flicking his wand periodically, sending the paper ball into a different direction. He did this frequently however; the paper ball never moved from the couple feet in front of the professor, at eye level, even though his eye level was within the general area of the top of James' head while sitting down.

James smirked and fingered his wand slightly. He shook his head cockily, and raised it quickly, muttering "Incendio!" under his breath.

The paper ball burst into flame, and fell lightly, out of the air right in front of Flitwick's face, to the floor, the remnants being only a pinch of ash and soot.

"Target practice," James finished cockily, sending his professor a lopsided grin. The class laughed and went back to their business. James let out a breath.

"Five points from Gryffindor," Flitwick announced as he moved away from James' desk. "Consider yourself lucky; it would've been ten if you hadn't used a charm."

James grinned at his retreating back and chanced a look over at Caradoc, ignoring Sirius pounding his back, congratulating him on his cheek. Caradoc looked immensely relieved at the fact that the note wasn't taken away and read.

Caradoc nodded once in gratitude and then looked back toward the front, where Flitwick was now demonstrating correct wand movements. Careful to make sure Caradoc wasn't going to look back again, he turned his gaze over to Lily's subtly, who hadn't looked away yet.

He grinned and gave her a thumbs up sign. She smiled faintly in return, but not before checking to see no one was paying them any attention.

James sighed, his thoughts already digressing into his favorite pastime: daydreaming about Dorcas.

_Looks like she's planning on taking this seriously,_ he thought to himself, thinking about Lily's newfound carefulness dealing with their friendship.

_It's a good thing I am too, then._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily found herself in a similar position to where she was that morning. She stood, shifting impatiently on the balls of her feet, out in front of the portrait hole, awaiting Natalie's arrival.

She rolled her eyes and glanced at her watch. If her friend didn't hurry, she would be late for her detention; and if you were even a second late for detention, you got another automatically.

Just at 7:50, Natalie stomped out of the common room, looking every bit of wanting to run and hide.

"You know, you could, for once, actually meet me inside the common room," Natalie snapped uncharacteristically. "We, lowly students, don't bite."

Lily didn't reply as she fell into step beside her friend, knowing that her friend was just dreading the next hour.

"I met you, didn't I?" she said quietly, giving her an exasperated side long look, not being able to stay silent.

Natalie sighed. "I know, I know. Don't mind me, I'm just really not looking forward to this," she said apologetically as she crossed her arms, rubbing them feebly over herself, as if just the thought of having detention with Sirius made her cold.

Lily nodded understandingly. "Just keep your distance from him," she advised wisely, rubbing her friend's arm affectionately. "Don't let him provoke you."

Natalie nodded, although she didn't look convinced. "I guess."

They fell into a comfortable silence as they padded down to Hagrid's hut.

As they were treading down the last marble staircase leading to the Entrance Hall, Natalie broke the silence.

"I want to ask you a question, Lily," she said hesitantly, as if it were against her own will that she was speaking. "And I don't want you to be offended or defensive or give me that blank look that you give me when you're stalling for time."

Lily didn't look up, but kept her eyes trained on the stairs in front of her. "What is it?" she asked, trying to keep the alarm out of her tone. Natalie never talked like this; she usually asked Lily what she wanted to, regardless of how uncomfortable it made her. That's what made them such good friends.

Natalie stopped, and softly pulled Lily's arm to halt her, just as they reached the bottom of the staircase.

She paused for a long moment, searching her friend's eyes, although knowing perfectly that they wouldn't tell her anything.

"What does he have that I don't?" she asked quietly, and so cautiously, it sounded as if she almost wanted Lily to tell her that she was wrong.

Lily was so dumbstruck and confused, she didn't even try to contain her shocked expression.

"What is it?" she asked more urgently, now searching her gaze intensely, as if encouraged by the surprise shown in her face. "Is he a better listener? Does he give you better advice than I do? Because really, Lily," she said, now clutching her friend's arm tightly, "I try my best, I really do. I always have your best interests at heart."

She paused again, looking stricken, still clutching Lily's arm, as if afraid that she was going to make a run for it.

"Is he just a better friend?" she finished in a desperate whisper.

Lily just stared at her friend, completely dumbfounded.

"Natalie, what the bloody hell are you going on about?" she finally replied, attempting to keep the alarm from her voice as she struggled to release herself from the vice grip Natalie had on her arm.

Natalie let go slowly, only encouraged by Lily's bewilderment.

"You know who I'm talking about," she replied evenly. However, understanding wasn't dawning on Lily. She stood there expectantly, but still completely stunned, one foot behind her, as if she wanted to be ready to run for it.

"James!" she finally said, giving up. She moved away from Lily and started to pace in front of her, arms crossed.

Apparently this didn't help Lily out. "Natalie, what the bloody hell are you going on about?" she repeated herself, this time more slowly, looking at Natalie as if she was crazy and had escaped St. Mungos.

Natalie stopped pacing and pointed an accusing finger at her friend, now really upset.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about!" she blurted out, her finger trembling slightly. "Look at yourself, Lily," she explained, before resuming her pacing. "Look what I have to do to finally get a rise out of you!"

Now Lily really took a step back, completely forgetting that her face was betraying what she was feeling.

Natalie laughed, clearly trying to keep the atmosphere light. "You never drop your guard when you're around me," she said, dropping her voice, unaware that she had raised it. "You treat me like you treat everyone else; warily."

Lily stopped trying to move away, and allowed a slightly guilty look to combine with her surprise.

Natalie sighed and ran a hand violently threw her dark hair, throwing it behind her shoulder carelessly.

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing, Lily, I swear," she said, trying to redeem herself, realized how it had sounded. "I totally accept who and what you are, and I would never ask you to change. I'm your best friend, and I love you to death."

Lily couldn't meet her gaze anymore. She glanced around furtively, absently rubbing her hands over her arms to warm herself due to the cool breeze that had reached them from the ajar door leading to the grounds.

"What does this have to do with James?" Lily inquired quietly, feeling that it was best to not try and pretend that what Natalie said wasn't true.

Natalie fixed her with a fierce look. "But then I see you today, with James," she continued as if Lily had never spoken. "I see you like I've never seen you before. You… you were," she paused, trying to find the appropriate word.

"Alive," she said firmly.

Lily cringed on the inside, fully aware of how familiar this sounded.

"Look at the difference Lily! Look at how you are with me, your best friend of seven years, and look at how you are with him, your acquaintance of 4 days!" she exclaimed, her voice rising again. "What does he have that I don't?" she asked again, this time desperation clear in her voice.

Lily shook her head rapidly, trying to collect herself. "Nothing, it's nothing…"

"Why don't you get it, Lily?" she asked, once again lowering her voice. She surveyed her friend with her head cocked slightly to the side, as if puzzled by Lily's lack of understanding.

"I love that side of you," she explained, waving her arms about. She paused again. "And it kills me that you don't show it to me."

Lily opened her mouth to disagree, to change her friend's mind, but Natalie cut her off.

"I'm not jealous, Lily," she said quietly again. "I love that James' was able to bring it out of you; I appreciate it even. I'm not bringing this up because I think that he's stealing my best friend," she assured.

"Then what's the problem," Lily nearly whispered.

Natalie looked at her friend, anger gone, and now genuinely puzzled. She shook her head slightly, as if trying to clear it.

"You were alive, and yourself again," she continued, trying to make her understand. "And it shocked me."

She paused again, standing directly in front of Lily, looking determined.

"You know why?" she added quietly.

Lily shook her head silently, not wanting to hear the answer.

"Because I didn't even recognize you," she said firmly.

And with that, she spun on her heel and strode outside, not bothering to close the door behind her. Lily watched her go, open mouthed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Natalie strode out into the chilly night, slightly regretting how harsh she had been with Lily.

_Don't kid yourself,_ she told herself monotonously. _You meant every word._

She crossed her arms protectively over her chest as she quickened her pace. Although the moment between Lily and James had been a couple of seconds, it had preyed on her mind the entire day, not even giving her enough time to dread her detention with Black.

She sighed as Hagrid's hut came into view. That still didn't give her the right to yell at Lily.

Natalie had meant everything she had said. She loved Lily, even the cold, indifferent side of her. She wouldn't change a hair on her head.

But it killed her that James had been able to do what she could not.

_You're not jealous,_ she explained to herself, searching for a word to describe how she felt. _More like disappointed. Disappointed that any difference I tried to make was ignored, while his wasn't. _

She made a mental note to apologize to Lily as soon as she got back to the castle. She hastily shoved the sleeve of her robe up to her elbow in order to glimpse her watch.

8:00 it read. She sped up, nearly jogging as she made her way through Hagrid's pumpkin patch and up to his front door. She knocked on it hurriedly, briefly glancing at her watch again.

It opened and she was greeted by a small, black puppy, who immediately jumped on her front. She had just enough time to bring her arms up to catch it, as it thudded into her chest. She looked down in between its attempts to lick her face.

"Fang, gerroff, you mangy mutt," a large man said from the doorway. Natalie glanced up from the adorable puppy in her arms and surveyed him closely. He hadn't changed at all since last year.

Double the size of any human man, Hagrid barely fit through the doorway. His hands resembled dinner plates, and his broad shoulders matched the width of two people standing shoulder to shoulder. Course, black hair frizzed out in all the directions, so curly and matted, you could barely see his face. But if you saw past the gruff beard, you were met with a small button nose, and warm brown eyes.

Natalie smiled to him, holding the puppy at arms length to take a decent look at him, while not being assaulted with it licking her.

She watched it wriggle for a moment, before taking it back against her chest. "You named it Fang, Hagrid?" she asked, amused. "I was scared for a second. After Fluffy, I had assumed that this one would have to have, at least," she put a mocking finger up to her chin, pretending to think hard, "10, maybe 15 heads."

Fluffy was a 3 headed dog that Hagrid had befriended the year before. Although it had a surly disposition, it had loved its big owner very much.

Hagrid chuckled appreciatively before scooping Fang from her arms and dropping him inside, giving him a nudge with a boulder of a boot.

"Thought I'd go with a normal one this time," Hagrid said thoughtfully. "I'm getting tired of getting all of my pets confiscated."

Natalie laughed again as Hagrid opened the door wider and allowed her to come in.

She looked around his hut, feeling at home at once. A dinosaur-sized bed stood against one wall, accompanied by a matching dresser. Across from that was a miniature kitchenette, with a small sink and stove, a couple cupboards, and a small table with 3 chairs, one of them occupied by none other than Sirius Black.

Natalie's eyes narrowed and her grin fell off her face immediately.

"Don't kid yourself, Hagrid," Sirius said knowingly, "We all know that Fang is a Hungorian Horntail in disguise."

Hagrid shook his head, though his eyes misted over longingly. They all knew how much Hagrid wanted a dragon. It was all he ever talked about. No one really took him seriously though; they assumed that even if he could get his hands on one, he'd have to give it straight back, because there was no where he could raise it; though Natalie wouldn't put it past him to raise one right in his hut.

She watched as Fang ran playfully over to Sirius, who immediately picked him up and put him in his lap. She watched them both closely, a little astounded at how good Sirius was with dogs.

Hagrid seemed to notice as well. "Seems like the little guy likes you, Sirius."

Sirius looked up and grinned his signature grin, the one that said that he was hiding something.

"We have a lot in common," he said slyly, rubbing the puppy's ears softly.

Natalie cleared her throat. Although she was disinclined to remind Hagrid of their detention, she wanted to get this over with.

Hagrid seemed to catch her drift. He cleared his throat as well, pulling Fang off of Sirius' lap.

"Outside, you two," he ordered gruffly. Sirius and Natalie both left the hut, waiting for Hagrid who was cooing to his puppy.

She left first, making no effort to hold the door open. Sure enough, when Hagrid came outside, Sirius was nursing a stubbed toe and muttering mutinously under his breath and Natalie was smirking evilly.

Hagrid sighed and motioned the two to follow him. Natalie swept off in his wake, leaving an angry Sirius behind.

She hurried to catch up to him, deciding not to ask him to slow down, even though one step of his was about four of hers.

"So what are we doing for detention?" she asked breathlessly, nearly jogging to keep up.

Hagrid seemed to notice her discomfort and slowed down noticeably. He waited to answer her, however, until Sirius caught up, his face still screwed up in pain and anger.

"I have about 14 different traps laid out in the Forbidden Forest," he explained while they walked. "Each one at a different point in a circular path. We're going to check each one tonight, and discard the contents, if the trap worked."

"What are you trapping?" Natalie asked slowly, almost afraid to ask.

Hagrid paused as they neared they entered the forest. "Acromantulas."

Both Natalie and Sirius stopped simultaneously, not even having time to be disgusted at doing something at the same time as the other.

"What?" Natalie stuttered, as Sirius shivered visibly. It was no secret that acromantulas actually resided in the Forbidden Forest, however, it was also no secret that if you ever saw one, it was probably the last thing you would ever do.

"You can't be serious," Sirius asked, trying to sound confident, yet failing miserably. Even the Marauders knew not to mess around with the gigantic spiders.

Hagrid waved them off with a trash can like hand, indicating that their worry was unnecessary. "We won't be going too far in so you don't have to worry about the live ones," he explained as he pulled a lantern, which was dwarfed compared to his bucket sized pockets. "The only ones we'll come into contact with are the dead ones."

Natalie gulped and followed him. Only deep friendship and trust in Hagrid made her move. She felt Sirius move behind her. Apparently, it was enough for him too.

She hesitantly pulled out her wand as the darkness overcame them. The canopies of the trees were so high and so bunched together, that the small amount of light given off by the moon was completely blocked.

"Lumos," she whispered verbally, choosing to not do it nonverbally as to actually hear her own voice. She wiped sweaty hands on her robes, despite the cold weather.

Sirius did the same behind her and they crept silently after Hagrid, not wanting to talk unless sure it was safe.

Hagrid came to stop as the path diverted.

"This is where the trail begins," he said, motioning to the dirt path. "From here on out, keep your wands out."

Natalie gulped as she followed him onto the path. "Will we be needing them, Hagrid?" she asked pointedly.

Sirius snorted lightly behind her. "Not getting scared now, are we Smith?" he asked scathingly.

Natalie didn't even bother turning. "You didn't look so sure of yourself a couple seconds ago, Black," she retorted, "You can't be serious!" she mimicked in a low, grunting voice. Hagrid laughed ahead of her, forgetting his duty to stop any fights.

"You sounded like you were ready to wet your pants," she added, now sweeping her gaze around her, keeping an eye out for any movement. "It wouldn't surprise me; I know you get plenty of practice."

"You shut your mouth, Smith!" Sirius snarled at her, forgetting to keep his voice down. 

Natalie stopped and turned, putting her hands on her lips. "Or what, Black?" she asked, taunting him.

He waved his wand triumphantly. "Silencio!"

Natalie opened and closed her mouth several times, but to no avail. No sound emerged.

Sirius twirled his wand between his fingers before pushing past her, smiling at her enraged, yet silent features.

"Or that might happen," he said innocently, over his shoulder.

Suddenly he fell to the ground, completely unable to move. _I hate nonverbal spells,_ he thought grudgingly to himself, as Natalie used her foot to kick him onto his back. He glared up at her, but unable to move, even his wand hand, that's all he could do.

She now twirled her wand between her fingers and mouthed, "What now, Black?"

Hagrid took this moment to interrupt. He strode over to them, plucked both wands out of their hands, and muttered the countercurses for both of them.

Sirius sat up angrily, massaging his shoulder, mouth open to start another argument. So was Natalie's, now capable of emitting sound.

But before either of them could speak, Hagrid interrupted. "Would both of you cut it out?" he asked disbelieving as he threw both of their wands to the ground between them. "Just remember for a second where we are," he added, before turning on his heel and marching up the path.

Natalie snatched up her wand from the ground, feeling slightly guilty. She didn't even try to tread on Sirius' fingers as he reached for his. She hurriedly moved to catch up with Hagrid, who had forgotten the difference lengths of their paces again.

"Listen, Hagrid, I'm sorry about…" but she trailed off at the look on Hagrid's face as he halted very suddenly.

He looked completely shocked. His eyes were glazed over, as if reminiscing, and he didn't move a muscle. His chin was up in the air, his gaze darting around quickly, as if even they couldn't believe what they were seeing.

But as Natalie stiffened and looked around, trying to see what Hagrid was, she realized he wasn't seeing anything. He was hearing it. She listened closely; and there it was. She could barely make out slight clicks and muffled steps over the forest floor.

She was about to ask Hagrid what was making the noise and why it had affected him so, but without warning, he launched himself into the underbrush, off the path completely, shouting over his shoulder, "Keep going, I'll catch up in a second!"

Natalie stared into the dark emptiness of where Hagrid had rushed off too, completely bewildered. Suddenly she became completely aware of her surrounds, completely aware of how alone she was. Remembering Black, she spun around, searching down the path.

He wasn't there.

She tried not to panic, her heartbeat pumping a mile a minute. She revolved slowly, her wand brandished, feeling something watching her.

A twig snapped. She stopped moving, and stood quiet unmoving, for a full minute, before a voice whispered in her ear:

"Boo."

Natalie jumped about five feet in the air, spinning as she did so, which turned out to not be a good idea while wearing robes. She landed on the ground, in a cloud of dirt and moss, tangled in her clothes. Standing above her was an extremely hearty Sirius Black, clearly pleased with himself.

Natalie stood up furiously, wanting to hex him into oblivion. She settled with pushing past him, keeping to the path, keeping her eyes out for the first trap.

Sirius laughed loudly behind her, but he moved to keep up.

"Startle easy?" he asked contemptuously.

"Sod off, Black," she said, rolling her eyes. Her fear was gone; she knew that it had only been Sirius, and even if it hadn't been, she at least now had someone to thrust in the way so she could make an escape, if attacked.

Sirius laughed and caught up to her completely, now walking side by side with her. He seemed ready to make another remark, however something stopped him.

"Where's Hagrid?" he asked curiously, glancing around.

Natalie rolled her eyes, sweeping her wand out in front of her, the narrow beam slanting on the forest floor. "He left."

"Where'd he go?" he asked, sounding a little worried.

"Not scared, are we, Black?" she asked wickedly, echoing him for a couple minutes before.

"Not as scared as you were, Smith."

She didn't have any chance to reply as she halted, throwing out an arm and catching him in the chest. He fell to the ground.

She smirked down at him for a moment, not surprised at his clumsiness, and then thrust her arm high in the air, trying to light up more of the dense forest around her.

Sirius rose to his feet beside her, now rubbing his chest.

"What'd we stop for?" he asked childishly.

"There should be a trap around here somewhere," Natalie muttered quietly, now searching around, prodding her wand off the path in various directions. "Help me look for it."

"Hell no," Sirius scoffed, folding his arms against his chest. "You clotheslined me."

Natalie rolled her eyes, stepped in front of him, grabbed his collar with both hands and yanked him down to her eyes level, their face inches apart.

"Listen, Black," she spat, "I don't want to be here any more than you do. So stop acting like a complete arse and help me out so we can get the bloody hell out of here," she hissed.

Sirius gulped slightly and nodded once. She released him, and went back to where she was searching. Sirius,after only a moment's hesitation, imitated her.

They had only been searching for a couple seconds, when Sirius broke the silence.

"Hey, Smith, what's a doll doing out here?" he asked curiously, eyeing it cautiously as if it was going to hurt him.

Natalie moved over to where Sirius was pointing and followed his gaze. He started moving toward it, and she followed him.

It was a small, porcelain doll, and despite its grubbiness, decked out in the finest little silk and lace dress Natalie had ever seen. It was lying inconspicuously on the ground, head tilted their way.

They both stopped in front of it, and a thought ran through Natalie's mind. But before she could voice it, Sirius bent down to pick it up.

Natalie only had time to shout "Don't!" and grab his arm to pull him back before he picked it up and turned to her.

Suddenly, twigs were cracking all around them, and the sound of rope slithering against the ground enveloped them. And before the could run, the very indiscernible checked pattern on the ground rose up to meet them, and only a second after Sirius had picked up the doll, he and Natalie were both caught up vertically in a net, 15 feet from the ground, in one of the traps meant for the acromantulas. (Think from LOST, with Jack and Kate)

And it left them in a very compromising position. They were both in a standing position, the net encompassing them within, their bodies pushed together, their faces only an inch away from each others.

Natalie almost screamed in frustration as she automatically began to fight her bonds, pushing as far away as she could go from Sirius, who was attempting to hold her at bay by her shoulders.

But it was no use. The net was very strong, obviously for holding giant spiders, and the struggling only exhausted them both.

"Black, what the hell did you do?" she screeched, still trying to back up, but not prevailing.

"How was I supposed to know that the doll was the spider trap?" he retorted, trying just as furiously to push away.

"You are so fucking stupid!" she cried, almost in tears at the situation.

Sirius just made a growling noise in the back of his throat.

"Listen, Smith," he seethed, "clearly I'm not so keen on the present situation at hand either, but we need to get out of this, and I'm blanking on any ideas."

Natalie stopped pushing, completely out of breath, unconsciously bracing herself with her hands against his chest. She was painfully aware of him gripping her waist, although could see no other alternative. She sighed. He was right. She could scream at him later.

"Fine, Black, fine," she panted, her breath fanning against his cheek. "But I swear to Merlin, I'm going to kill you once I'm back on the ground."

"Whatever you say," he murmured in reply. "Now, how do we get out?"

Natalie tried to shake her head, but couldn't without bumping into his. She started to panic. "Obviously, we can't break through the netting," she mused, although not surprised. This was Hagrid. "That was apparent after the first minute of our struggling."

She paused, trying to get a grasp of the situation. Although she would never admit it, she was acutely aware of their close proximity. She wasn't pushed flush against him, but there were points where her thigh would lean against his, or his arm would tighten on her waist. She was also painfully aware that if they looked each other in the eye, their noses would touch.

_You can't blame yourself,_ she grimaced to herself, hating herself for noticing. _You were infatuated with the guy for two years. There's always going to be attraction there._

But she wasn't planning on letting Black even glimpse of her vulnerability.

Sirius wasn't doing so well either. He couldn't even look at her, unsure if his self control could hold out, especially without an escape plan. He could feel her body warmth just flowing off her, yet they were barely touching. He could feel her breath against his face and neck. They were that close.

He gulped as he realized her fingers were spread across his chest. He prayed she didn't feel his heart rate speed up and willed himself not to get aroused. He didn't think he'd ever live that one down.

Suddenly Natalie's crystal eyes lit up. "Where's your wand?" she asked excitedly.

Sirius' eyes widened at his own stupidity. How could they forget magic?

He chuckled hesitantly and tried to remember where he had left it. Once he remembered, he groaned. But he was surprised to hear another one, in unison with his.

Natalie looked at him expectantly.

"In my back pocket," he sighed, knowing he couldn't get to it.

Natalie sighed resignedly. "Me too."

"Damn it," Sirius muttered, anxious to free himself. "I'm going to try and reach for mine."

Natalie nodded, very grateful when he removed one of his hands from his waist. He slowly tried to reach around himself, poking his hand out through one of the holes of the netting, bending his arm back to reach the slender rod of wood that was hanging out of his trousers. He reached and reached, but couldn't get to it.

Natalie tried the same, thanking Merlin that it was dark so he wouldn't see her flush. When she had taken a hand away from his chest in order to grope around, she could only brace herself with one arm, and they were closer together. It was likewise when he reached for his.

Both let out a stream of curses, frustrated at their predicament. Then they were silent, both breathing hard now, panting into each other's faces, but looking anywhere but at each other's gaze.

Natalie sucked her breath in. "Well there's only one alternative," she said wincing to herself, wishing like anything that they was another way.

Sirius, not quite aware of what she was suggesting, got excited. "What is it?"

She looked him straight in eye for the first time since their predicament, and felt a little wobbly at the knees. Steely, gray orbs pierced into her own.

"You're going to have to get it."

Sirius looked confused. "Get what, Smith."

Natalie swallowed hard. "My wand," she said weakly.

Sirius' eyes immediately widened and he automatically shook his head.

"No thank you," he said seriously, trying to shake his head furtively, but stopping due to their close proximity.

"It's the only way to get a wand," Natalie said exasperatedly. It was taking all her self control not to agree with him and to not let him touch her at all. "If you have another idea, by all means, let's hear it."

Sirius remained silent, wracking his brain for any other solution. But he couldn't find one. In truth, he wasn't scared about Natalie's reaction toward him reaching into her pants. He was worried about his own. He was barely controlling himself as it was, let alone with his hands in her clothes.

Finally, he nodded and slowly moved his hands along her waist, toward her back, his eyes trained on hers the entire time. He watched as her eyes narrowed disgustedly as he fumbled to get under her robes, trying to get to her wand.

Now that his hands were not bracing himself against her, they were pressed flush together, her arms still against his chest, yet not pushing him away. Their noses touched briefly, before they both turned their head quickly, looking anywhere but straight ahead.

She gulped as she felt his hands go under her robe, nearing her waistline of her skirt. Now she was really glad it was dark.

"Taking your time, Black?" she said nastily, his cheek nearly next to hers.

"Don't pretend like this isn't one of your daydreams," he retorted neatly, his hands still searching her skirt for her wand.

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Stop, Black. You'll make me blush," she said sarcastically, just as Sirius let out a triumphant noise.

But just as he grasped the wand and pulled it out of her skirt, both of his hands accidentally brushed against her arse.

Natalie automatically yelped and tried to slap him in the face, which promptly caused him to drop the wand into the darkness below.

"Only you would be trying to feel me up at a time like this!" she yelled, slapping every inch of him she could get her hands on. But her hits were weak seeing as she could barely move her arms in the first place, since they were pinioned against his chest.

Sirius grabbed at her wrists and caught them pounding his chest. "It was a bloody accident!" he bellowed in her ear. "And now the wand is gone!"

Natalie stopped trying to free herself from his grip and stared up at him, wishing he was lying. She searched his eyes frantically, then let her gaze rove over his hands, still gripping her own, which were devoid of said wand.

She groaned. "Now what?"

Sirius scowled. "I know you know what has to be done. The only question is, whether or not you'll do it."

Natalie scowled right back, forgetting her hands were still being held hostage by his. She knew what he was implying; she'd have to get his.

"Dream on, Black," she said nastily. "There's no way I'd chance a gander down there," she said, glancing down meaningfully. "There's no way of knowing what I'd catch."

"Har, har," Sirius said sarcastically. "Then what do else are you suggesting?"

Natalie searched her brain, desperate for any idea to get her out of this, similar to what Sirius had down only moments ago.

"Fine," she said in a resigned voice. "Now I'm really going to kill you after we get on the ground."

Sirius only rolled his eyes and waited patiently, trying not to look too apprehensive. He had no way of knowing how his cahonyes were going to react to this.

Natalie took a deep breath and removed her hands from his chest and moved them around his middle back. She tried not to look sick, perfectly aware at what this looked like: an embrace.

She slowly moved her hands lower, and fumbled to move them under his robes. She felt him shiver a little, and she agreed whole heartedly. Again, they were pushed flush together, their noses brushing each other.

She fumbled some more, finally getting underneath the robe and reaching the bottom of his sweater and the top of his trousers.

"Of course you had to tuck it in," she said exasperatedly, tugging at it.

"Sorry," he replied sarcastically, "I wasn't planning on having my worst enemy prod down there. Next time, let me know in advance, and I'll be sure to untuck it for you."

She just rolled her eyes. "There will be no next time, let me assure you."

"That's the first thing I think we've ever agreed on," he said speculatively.

Natalie grinned. "I think I got it."

Sirius was quite sure too. He could feel her fingers trailing along his back, searching for his wand. He felt like he was fire.

"Now, don't move," she cautioned. "I'm going to pull it out."

She slowly and painfully pulled it out, keeping it in a vice like grip, careful not to drop it. She drew it around him and held it up to his face.

"What now?" he asked excitedly, trying to grab it from her. It took a couple tries and several difficult maneuvers but he managed.

She mentally went over several spells the could use, but before she could voice any options, Sirius had taken action.

"Secumptsempra!" Sirius cried, holding his wand aloft and pointing it above to the rope that held the net up.

But before Natalie could even register what he had done, the rope snapped, and down they were falling through thin air, until they laid in a heap.

Natalie slowly opened her eyes, trying to see if she was still alive. She looked below her, as she had landed on Sirius, and waited to see if he was as well.

She was disappointed when he opened his eyes too, and looked around.

"You are the stupidest person I have ever had the inconvenience of meeting," she said matter of factly.

"Thank you," Sirius groaned back. "And you're welcome."

Natalie stopped trying to pick herself up and stared down at him, ignoring the fact that, yet again, they were nose to nose.

"Do enlighten me, Black," she said with an air of forced calm. "What could I possibly have to thank you for? Getting us caught in a net? Or possibly, dropping my wand? Oh no, I know. Scarring me for life!"

"You landed on me, if you weren't aware," Sirius answered her smugly. "You didn't even have to hit the ground."

"Well if you had waited even a second more, and not rashly used the first spell that came to mind, I could have probably thought of a better spell that would not have required us to fall 15 feet through the air and land on the ground, with the net still enclosing us," she pointed out.

Sirius paused, and looked around him, at the net they were still in.

"Point taken," he said wisely, meeting her gaze again, this time realizing their close proximity.

"At least you admit it," she lamented, staring into his grey orbs.

For a long moment, they both stared at each other, both completely lost in the other's gaze, completely unaware of how it would have looked to anyone else.

Finally, Sirius picked up his head slowly off the ground, ever so slightly shortening the distance. Natalie immediately came to her senses. She grabbed his wand, used some nonverbal spells to cut the netting apart and quickly climbed off of him. She then held it high, trying to find where hers had dropped.

Sirius had managed to climb out of the net just as she picked up her wand. She dropped his on the ground and took off back onto the trail, back the way they had came, Sirius following in her wake.

They walked all the way out of the Forbidden Forest in silence, toward Hagrid's house.

Natalie knocked on the front door and stood back as the door swung open and a sheepish Hagrid stood there.

Natalie glared at him for a moment.

"Well?" she asked angrily, her hands flying to her hips.

Hagrid looked extremely apologetic. "I'm sorry, both of you. See, I heard a friend out in the woods…"

"A friend?" Natalie asked, a little shrilly.

Hagrid took a deep breath. "His name is Aragog. He was a pet I had back when I was at school."

This didn't surprise either Natalie or Sirius, to say the least.

"You don't realize what we've been through tonight, mate," Sirius said heatedly.

Hagrid looked surprised. "Was there any trouble checking the traps? Are you guys okay?"

Natalie fixed him with a beady glare. "Nope, I'm not alright. I'm going to need a lot of therapy."

And with that she spun on her heel and marched back up to the castle, not waiting to be dismissed.

Hagrid turned to Sirius. "What happened?"

Sirius sighed, trying not to watch her go. "You don't want to know."

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**HOPE YOU LIKED IT!!! I personally have been planning that little interaction forever… it reminds me of lost lol… PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**


	17. Reunions and Getting Carried Away

**THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!!! They were delightful lol… here's a new one!!! Enjoy and review por favor!!**

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Lily stood there, quite unmoving, for a long time, minutes after Natalie had disappeared outside. She was deep in thought.

Her eyes were trained where the last bit of Natalie's robe at whipped out of sight; but she wasn't aware of where her gaze was directed.

They were glazed over, and her mouth was still slightly open, shock etched in her features.

Pure and undiluted guilt slammed into her from nowhere, nearly knocking the wind out of her. Natalie was completely and utterly right. She wracked her brain, trying to think of the number of times she had dropped her guard in front of her friend, the number of times she treated Natalie with the same kind of consideration she herself received.

_There was the time on the train,_ Lily argued with herself, trying to lighten the burden of guilt that was already starting to weigh her down.

_And before that?_ her subconscious asked.

Lily shook her head slowly, in answer to the silent question she asked herself. It was the first sign of movement she gave since Natalie had disappeared.

She suddenly felt as if someone had hit her over the head with a beater's bat. She staggered a little, reaching out and grabbing the wooden rail to steady herself.

She slowly tried to register what this meant to Natalie. She remembered their friendship over the years; Natalie's complete care for her. She was always and constantly treading softly around Lily, on the lookout for anything that might be on her mind.

Immeasurable fear suddenly gripped her as she sunk onto the last step of the staircase behind her. She wrapped trembling arms around her knees, breaking her gaze from the doorway for the first time, and fixing it on her legs. She didn't know why she was so scared at the idea of having someone care for her that way, but it did.

The guilt that was already on her shoulders heightened greatly, and she absently sagged, as if the weight were real ten pound blocks hanging from her arms. She had no idea how she had taken it for granted, how she had completely ignored it.

Not once had she ever comforted her friend.

_But then again, she never really needed it,_ her stubborn side pointed out.

_What about with Sirius? You were barely there for her after fifth year, and even less after that,_ her reasonable self argued back.

Lily tightened her grip around her legs, the trembling leaving her fingers. The alarmed look in her eyes softened, and then smoothed over inscrutably.

_I'll do better, _she told herself determinedly, standing up quickly. She swiftly turned and walked up the stairs, as if she hadn't been sitting by herself for five minutes, half of that with a completely readable expression.

She stalked back to the Heads Dorm, contemplating all the possible ways to make it up to Natalie. But then another thought hit her.

Did this mean that she was going to have to drop her guard whenever Natalie was around? Lily rubbed her arm unconsciously, trying to contain the panic that rose in her throat. She NEVER dropped her guard.

_That's not true,_ her reasonable self pointed out again.

And Lily had to agree. Since the beginning of seventh year, the "impenetrable" Lily was not as "impenetrable" as she sounded. She tried to count the times she had forgotten her mask.

_More then ten,_ she grimaced to herself, remembering the several inexcusable times on the train, the night she and James' became friends, and the 6 times she humiliated herself the day before.

But could she do it whenever Natalie was around? All the time? She searched her brain, looking for an answer, as she padded through the corridors.

She really didn't know.

What she did know made her nervous. Because what she did know was that she was getting sloppy. She had slipped up in the course of a week more than the entire last year.

_You're going to get sloppier if you make exceptions,_ her stubborn self told her.

As much as she wanted to be herself for her friend, she knew that her reasonable self couldn't deny it. If she started showing emotion when Natalie was around, the risk of slipping up in public drastically skyrocketed.

_But Natalie told you that she didn't expect you to change,_ her reasonable self added.

But Lily didn't think that was good enough. Natalie was too good of a person to make her change for her own reasons, and would never ask her to do it. But just because Natalie was too good to ask, didn't mean she didn't want it that way.

She settled on a neutral decision. She would try to open up on a more regular basis with Natalie. Her friend would notice and appreciate the effort, at least.

But just as she was going to enter the common room, her reasonable self had to bring up one more, difficult question.

_And what about James?_

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James paced impatiently in front of the hearth, waiting for Lily to get in. He knew that she had walked Natalie down to her detention, but he had expected her ten minutes ago.

Right when he was getting worried, the portrait hole opened and Lily stalked in, a faint troubled look gracing her features for only moment, before becoming unreadable once again.

James didn't even have time to register the familiar twinge in his chest whenever he saw her blank look. He hurriedly rushed over to her, and pulled her on the arm over to the couch.

"I have something to tell you, Lily," James said once she had settled into a comfortable sitting position. "Something about Caradoc."

She paused, as she was pulling off her shoes. Her face seemed to light up, as if just remembering why they were here.

She jumped right back up again, forgetting that she now only had one shoe on.

"I have something to tell you, too, James," she said excitedly, though remembering to control her features. She only betrayed a faint smile.

James' hope soared when he heard these words, and felt an upsurge of affection for Lily, realizing that she was as keen to help him as he was to help her.

"You go first," he said hurriedly, unable to contain his excitement. The gentlemanly thing to do would have been to tell her first, because he knew that she wanted to know this new development as bad as he, but his desire won over. She didn't seem to mind.

She started bouncing up and down slightly, rocking back on her heels.

"I think she might still have feelings for you," Lily said quickly, as if it hurt to keep it bottled up inside anymore, still trying to contain her excitement as best as she could.

James looked at her open mouthed for a second, while she just grinned back at him, ear to ear.

"What?" he asked quietly, his voice straining.

Lily rolled her eyes happily. "I know you heard what I said, you big dummy," she teased lightly.

James cleared his throat and loosened his tie. "I think you're going to have to say it again, just to make sure I'm not hearing things."

"I think she still she has feelings for you," Lily repeated eagerly.

James cleared his throat again. "Excuse me?"

Lily playfully punched him in the arm before pulling him down beside her on the couch. She tucked her legs under her absently, forgetting she was still wearing one shoe, readying herself to tell her story.

"I was talking to her before class," Lily began quickly, "and she asked me why I was upset. Natalie was off with her fan club," she inserted an apologetic smile, "and I was off by myself."

She paused, not wanting to give him the wrong idea. "Not that I'm not capable of being alone, but…"

But James cut her off with a wave of his hand, showing his desire to hear the whole story. He smiled encouragingly, motioning for her to continue.

"And I told her that I could take care of myself, that I could manage, and she said," she paused for effect, and stared him happily in the eye, who was watching her, drinking in every word she said hungrily.

"It's harder than you might think," she finished dramatically.

James' eyebrows shot into his hair, and his grin widened considerably, stretching from either end of his face.

"She said, said that exactly?" he asked, his voice wavering ever so slightly.

"Yep," Lily reassured him excitedly.

He sat up eagerly. "Do you think she was talking about me?" he asked, his eyes begging for the right answer. "That it's hard for her to manage without me?"

"Of course," Lily answered him. He beamed back at her. "I'm assuming there's no one else in her life at the moment," James looked up at her nervously, "because if there was," she assured him, "she would have told me who she was talking about, instead of mentioning it so mysteriously. Remember, she doesn't know that I know. So she was telling me, assuming I had no idea what she was talking about," she finished smartly.

James stared off into space for a moment. "Well…" he said, pausing to yawn hugely. "That's a coincidence."

Lily's happy look slid off her face, hardly daring to assume what he was saying was true.

There was a moment of silence before she spoke. "Wh- What?" she stammered uncharacteristically.

James grinned hugely at her nervousness. "You heard what I said," he echoed her from moments before.

"Explain please!" she requested urgently, now staring at him impatiently.

"Well, you know that note that Flitwick almost confiscated in Charms?" James reminded her. "Well it was from Caradoc, and he asked why I was looking so glum, and he tried to comfort me about Dorcas."

Lily began to grin. That was her thoughtful Caradoc.

"And I said that I think about her every second of the day, and he said, and I quote, 'It sucks doesn't it?'"

Lily's grin widened cautiously, as if she was determined not to get her hopes up. "He said that exactly?" she said calmly, after a second.

"Word for word," he assured her, and then not being able to contain himself, jumped off the couch, grabbing her hand along and pulling her up with him, and started doing a ridiculous victory dance, bellowing in excitement while he did so. Lily stood back and laughed at his antics, feeling a foolish desire to join him, but refrained.

He finally stopped with an enthusiastic yell, and sunk back onto the sofa, as if all worn out. Lily sat beside him again, still grinning uncontrollably.

"So now what?" James said breathlessly, still trying to catch his breath.

Lily returned to a business like state. "The next step," she said decidedly, "is to get them to tell us about each other."

James looked at her, confused. "Huh?"

Lily rolled her eyes and patiently explained it to him. "You have to convince Caradoc that you're trustworthy enough so that he'll tell you about me. Or at least, what happened last year."

"And I'll do the same for Dorcas," she added. "I already told her about Caradoc, first day of term," she explained again. "It won't be too hard to get her to confide in me."

James looked a little confused. "What will that accomplish?"

Lily shook her head and tried to explain it simply to him. "The first benefit, is trust. If they confide in us, that means that we're in the zone to start changing some minds."

James nodded slowly, understandingly.

"Secondly, we need to catch what exactly is bothering them about what happened," she explained. "We both already apologized countless times, so we need to find out what points hit them the hardest."

James nodded again, this time more confidently.

"And finally," Lily said with deliberate slowness, "we need to find out what it is we have to do for them to take us back."

James nodded violently this time, completely on board.

"But we both are going to have to act completely surprised," he realized suddenly. Lily nodded in agreement. "They don't know that we already know."

"We'll have to manage," she said determinedly.

James matched her determination. "I'll do my best," he promised her loyally.

Lily smiled up at him, a completely real, pure, unadulterated, smile. It suited her perfectly.

"I haven't a doubt, James."

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Lily found herself, yet again, waiting impatiently in from of the Gryffindor portrait hole, waiting for Natalie, although this time, not feeling the least bit resentful.

She was there to apologize.

She checked her watch again, but it hadn't changed since the last time she checked, which happened to be 30 seconds ago.

It was only 8:40, and Lily knew that her friend's detention was at least an hour, but that didn't stop her from waiting there anyway. She had to work out what she wanted to say.

She ran it over several more times in her head, deciding on what words to choose. She would apologize profusely, promise to do better, and Natalie would embrace her with open arms and forgive her.

It even sounded too good to be true in her mind.

She started rocking on her heels and wringing her hands, like she always did when she was nervous. Her face, however, remained inscrutable.

Now that she had some time to kill before Natalie arrived, Lily's thoughts returned to what had transpired earlier that day. She had started to delve into the question of why James had such an effect on her just before reaching the Head Dorm, but the excitement of hearing what Caradoc had said had pushed all reasonable thought from her mind.

She again, pushed down the giddy feeling in her chest at the thought of Caradoc. She and James had discussed some strategies on how to acquire the trust of the person in question, in order to be their confidant, for some time. Her emotions had been frothing over since then, brimming up to the level where she could barely subdue them.

She checked her watch again. 8:42. She glared at it, trying to intimidate it into moving faster.

But back to the question that had been gnawing at her ever since she walked into the Dorm, all through James' surprising announcement, through her shock and excitement, through their entire discussion.

Why did James' affect her so?

Lily tried to think back as far as she could. She had already decided not to pretend like it wasn't true. She hadn't noticed it at first, but Natalie had been quite right. She did open up to James' like she did to no other, almost as much as she had with Caradoc.

_Almost?_ her reasonable self questioned her pointedly.

And again, Lily had to agree. She had been her stony self with Caradoc as well, especially more frequently toward the end of their relationship, even though she didn't know it was drawing to a close at the time.

_Okay, okay, _she surrendered, _I wasn't completely open with Caradoc. But that still doesn't explain why I am with James, especially without my knowledge._

Ever since the moment she had met him, she had shown him only her weakest points. The moment when they first locked gazes and he saw the flash of disappointment that she should've been able to hide, after that when they were chatting about each other and he had startled her, later on in that compartment when she couldn't keep to the story she and Natalie had thought up, and so on and so forth, like the embrace they shared, like the night they slept together and divulged each other's secrets, the day they skipped class, and of course, her most feared, the moment she had thought of the plan.

He had noticed, she was sure of it. That look on his face could not be mistaken for any other.

_But why?_ She asked her reasonable self, coming to acknowledge the wisdom in its advice.

Why did he find her happiness more alarming then her sadness? If she remembered correctly, James had been surprised when she cried and reasonably shocked at her grief, but that surprise and shock had been completely trivial compared to his reaction to her excitement.

She shut her eyes tightly, trying to ignore the complete and utter alarm on James Potter's face, the face that was swimming in her mind's eye, the face that had greeted her when she had shown her happiness. But she couldn't.

"Lily?"

Lily's eyes shot open at the sound of her name. Natalie stood in front her, looking quite tousled and disheveled, twigs in her dark mane, dirt blemishing her usually flawless complexion, bright blue orbs shining out amidst the streaks of mud.

"Hi," Lily said breathlessly, trying to remember what she had come to say.

"What happened to you?" she asked cautiously, forgetting her eagerness to apologize.

Natalie sighed and pulled a twig from her hair disgustedly.

"Black," she said simply, although positively fuming. The curious look on her face was gone, replaced with unadulterated hatred.

Lily nodded her head; it was as she had assumed. "Listen, I just wanted…"

But Natalie cut her off as she held up a hand. "We should probably take this inside," she said tiredly, moving around Lily to jump through the portrait hole. "It's just like you to be waiting outside."

Lily tried to interpret whether or not she was angry when she said this, but the thin smile on Natalie's face comforted her. She was only joking.

Natalie scrambled in and held it open for her. "Are you coming?"

Lily smiled gratefully back and mimicked her friend's actions, but without the ease Natalie showed. It had been awhile since she'd been inside the Gryffindor common room.

Lily followed Natalie into the room, sliding out almost as gracefully as Natalie. She stood stiffly as Natalie, groaning, sunk onto the couch.

"Why aren't you sitting?" she asked curiously, pulling off her shoes and sprawling herself attractively over the cushions.

Lily smirked, relaxing slightly. "Is there any room?" she said jokingly, referring to Natalie taking up the entire couch.

Natalie brushed her off with a wave a hand. "There is a chair you know," she said lightly, pointing a chair next to the couch, on the side where Natalie's head was resting against the armrest.

Lily sat down primly, avoiding her friend's gaze, wringing her hands again. Natalie turned over on her stomach, resting her chin on the armrest, watching her friend closely.

"What are you nervous about?" she asked knowingly, being aware of Lily's nervous habits.

Lily smiled thinly, though feeling guilty again at the appreciation she felt at Natalie recognizing this.

"I've come to apologize," she said frankly, finally ceasing the wringing of her hands.

Natalie sighed. "You don't have to," she replied tiredly, as if it was taking a lot of effort to speak.

Lily shook her head, disagreeing. "Yes, I do," she said firmly. "You are absolutely right; about everything you said. I don't open up to you at all any more, and there's no excuse. I haven't been there for you at all over the last couple years, and you've always been there for me, even though I didn't think I needed it."

Natalie smiled softly. "You've been there for me, Lily, really," she said quickly, "but that wasn't my point."

"Not as I should have been," Lily retorted firmly, leaning forward in her seat, forgetting to keep her voice down. "You deserve better. You are the best person I know, Natalie," she said a little desperately. "Everyone loves you here; any one of them would kill to be your best friend, but you're stuck with me, and I took all of it for granted."

Natalie sat up hurriedly, shaking her head defiantly. "I'm not stuck with you, Lily, I promise you that," she assured Lily positively. "I'm your best friend on my own accord, even since that first day on the train when you kicked Black for pulling my hair."

Lily grinned at the memory, forgetting for a moment what they were talking about.

"And I stayed with you, even after you underwent the transformation that made you the way you are now. I didn't know why, and I didn't know how, but I knew that you needed me more than ever, after you started to close yourself off."

Lily stared at her friend, slightly puzzled. "How did you know?" she asked softly. "I withdrew, I know that much, but I did so because I wanted to be able to take care of myself."

"How did you know to stay when every sign I made gave the impression that I needed no one?"

Natalie smiled again, this time a little hesitantly. She scooted back a little on the couch, motioning for Lily to join her. Lily did so with no hesitation.

Natalie begun even before Lily had sunk down beside her. "It was the most obvious thing in the world, Lily," she explained softly. When Lily didn't respond, she smiled wider.

"The only reason you would want to protect yourself is if you thought you needed it," she said with deliberate slowness. "By closing up, you showed me that you had something to be afraid of. And I'd be damned if I let my best friend in the entire world, Muggle or Wizarding," she paused to grasp Lily's hand, "fight it alone."

Lily's eyes started to water, and for the first time in a long time, she made absolutely, positively, no attempt to stop it.

"I don't deserve you," she said softy, playing with the fringe on the cushions. "I've done nothing to merit the consideration you give me."

Natalie rolled her eyes, breaking into a small smile too. "It's my choice to make."

Lily searched her friend's crystal blue gaze for a second. "I'm going to make it up to you, I promise," she said firmly.

"Oh Lily," Natalie scolded motherly, taking her friend into her arms. "I don't want you to think that you have to change on my behalf. You don't have to make up anything."

Lily didn't reply, but simply pulled her friend closer, her tears starting to leak from her eyes. Again, she made no effort to stop them.

"I just want you to understand that I'm always here for you, regardless of what side you show me," she said into Lily's hair, as she stroked it softly as she held her friend. "I only made a big deal out of it because I thought you didn't know."

Lily let out sob and clutched at Natalie, burying her head into her best friend's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she choked out.

Natalie's response was just to hold her friend closer, and to continue stroking her hair.

"It's okay," she soothed. She rocked Lily, back and forth, feeling completely content. Lily's sobs rose in volume steadily, until she was completely falling apart, bawling uncontrollably onto Natalie's shoulder, crying for everything she had been trying to deal with.

She cried for James and Dorcas, for Caradoc, for Natalie, and for herself.

Natalie's head shot up as she heard the portrait hole open. Lily didn't hear it over the sound of her sobs.

Natalie groaned internally when she saw Sirius Black stroll in, closing the portrait hole behind him.

Sirius stopped short at the sight that met him. His hand froze in the middle of sweeping tiredly across his face.

Natalie sat facing him, her face still grubby from their escapade, twigs still in her hair. Lily was sprawled over her, weeping uncontrollably. Natalie's arms were around her friend, holding her tightly, letting her cry all over her robes.

His eyes trailed over the scene silently, and then met Natalie's gaze which had shot over to him the moment he had walked in. He realized that Lily didn't know he was there.

He had barely any time to contemplate the fact that he was witnessing THE Lily Evans actually crying, actually showing emotion, before he registered Natalie's gaze.

For the first time in two years, Natalie wasn't glaring at him.

It was pleading.

Sirius stared on back at her, completely stunned. She didn't drop her pleading, her begging, her entreating gaze.

A sharp sob dragged him back to reality. He nodded almost indiscernibly, realizing what she was asking of him, and crept across the room, silently. He then fled up the staircase, afraid to look back. He threw open the door to his dorm, pulled off his clothes violently, and fell onto his bed.

He had completely forgotten what it was like to have Natalie Smith look at him, without hatred in her eyes.

He, of course, had noticed her beauty before. It would be foolish not too; he realized that she was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen, let alone the ones that resided at Hogwarts.

Her beauty was never diminished when she was angry at him, he knew that much as well. But he had forgotten what she looked like when she wasn't.

_It suits her,_ he decided, as he rolled over and closed his eyes, Natalie's pleading gaze etched into his memory.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Natalie let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding as she watched Sirius' disappear up the stairs and out of sight. Lily slowly started to quiet.

Natalie continued to stroke her hair absently. She was confused. She had expected Black to… she didn't know.

Laugh, point, mock, something to that effect, she figured. It was worse now that she knew he recognized Lily's red hair. She was sure he would have something to say about that, poking fun at Lily's vulnerable state.

_That's probably why she keeps it up,_ she thought bitterly, _because now, if she stops, people will notice._

But why didn't he? Why didn't Black do it anyway? It taken quite a bit of courage to request what Natalie had in her gaze; she was putting herself at his mercy. She had never been at the mercy of his good will before; she was shocked at him actually acknowledging and agreeing to her request. She expected him to use the only time she had ever asked him for anything, to his advantage.

Lily was breathing heavily, her sobs subsided. Carefully, she pushed herself up from Natalie's shoulder, wiping her tears away. She gave Natalie a watery smile.

"Thank you," she whispered, sweeping her fingers across her cheeks.

"That's what I'm here for," Natalie replied, giving her an affectionate smile.

Lily stopped dabbing her cheeks with her sleeve and grasped Natalie's hand in hers.

"This is just the beginning," Lily said seriously. "For now on, I'm letting you in."

Natalie beamed at her and squeezed Lily's hand.

"We have much to discuss," Natalie reminded her softly.

Lily laughed and released Natalie's hand. "Ask me anything you like," she said eagerly, "I'll answer anything to the best of my ability."

Natalie smiled back. She thought for a moment. "Why did you start closing yourself off? I know when it started, back toward the end of fifth year, and that it escaladed. But I don't know why you began."

Lily looked thoughtful. "Truthfully, I'm not quite sure," she said slowly. "But I know it had something to do with Caradoc."

Natalie cocked her head to the side. "What about Caradoc scared you?" When Lily gave her a look she rectified. "Okay, what about liking Caradoc made you think that you needed protection?"

Lily shook her head, a little troubled. "I don't know," she said deliberately. "I think that when I started liking him, I realized that he had a power over me that I couldn't control."

She paused. "A power to hurt me where I couldn't stop him with a wand, or a mentality." She paused again. "Which he used to the best of his ability," she finished bitterly.

Natalie plowed on, started to understand. "And it escaladed because?"

Again, Lily thought over her words before she said them. "Because I started losing myself to him," Lily continued for her. "I couldn't think for myself, I couldn't do a thing without thinking about him, he was everywhere I was, he was everything I was, he reigned over me," she said, starting to speak quickly.

"It was my way of struggling," she realized, to herself as well. "Becoming something that was impenetrable, invincible, incapable of feeling pain; that's what I was trying to ensure."

Natalie still looked puzzled. "Lily, why didn't you do anything about this? Love is supposed to make you feel safe, not vulnerable."

Lily shook her head. "No, I did feel safe," she told her friend quietly. "And I was in love with him."

She took a deep breath. "And it was because I felt safe, and because I was in love with him." She struggled to find the right words. "It was like one of those most perfect things, so perfect that you can't even enjoy it because you know it won't last forever."

"How could I succumb to the love I felt, the love that dictated how I lived, the love that completed me, when I knew, in the back of my mind, it was going to end?"

Realization dawned in her gaze. "I just loved him so much," she said quietly. "I couldn't imagine life without him. And it scared the crap out of me, knowing that I needed him that much. So, I took precautions."

"Too bad they didn't work," she finished bitterly.

"It's a risk we all have to take, putting ourselves out there," Natalie said sadly, completely recognizing what she was talking about.

"But how could I?" Lily asked, her voice rising as she tried to justify her actions. "How could I simply wait for him to tear out the one part of myself that was completely undefended? I couldn't!" she finished with a ringing silence.

"And so I learned how to protect myself," she said softly.

Natalie nodded reassuringly. "You panicked," Natalie responded simply. "And I for one, knowing how it feels to have the one part of myself that is completely undefended torn out, do not blame you."

Understanding dawned on Lily's features. "Black," she said matter of factly.

"It doesn't matter," Natalie said abruptly, trying to steer the conversation away from her.

Lily, sensing that Natalie was uncomfortable, dropped it. "Speaking of the bastard," she said casually, registering the small smile from Natalie, "what happened to you tonight?"

Natalie chortled, and pulled another twig from her hair. "We kinda got caught up in a net."

Lily made a skeptical face. "You're going to have to elaborate," she pointed out, as she got up and stood behind Natalie, and begun pulling out all the sticks from her hair.

Natalie rolled her eyes and settled back into the seat, relaxing. "We were checking acromantula traps," she said softly, ignoring Lily's shudder. "And Black tripped the line, and we both got caught up in one."

Lily looked like she didn't know whether she should laugh or not. She settled by pulling more leaves and twigs from Natalie's silky mane.

"Details, please," she asked, gently pushing Natalie's head to the side to get a better view.

Natalie hesitated and flushed uncharacteristically. Lily immediately pulled her head back, so Natalie was looking up at her and Lily was looming over her.

"Are you blushing?" Lily asked incredulously, yet giggling all the same.

Natalie swatted at her impatiently. "No," she denied defensively, even though it was obvious she was lying.

She rolled her eyes as Lily tugged impatiently at her hair. "Oh all right," she said giving up. "There might have been some awkwardness," she said slowly. "We were in a net, pressed up against each other, 15 feet up, in the Forbidden Forest, for Merlin's sake," she said calmly, as if it was perfectly normal.

"Pressed up together?" Lily smirked. "In the dark? Sounds a tad heated to me," she said, pulling out the last stick.

Natalie tried swatting at her again, but missed. "Not heated," she said unconvincingly, "Awkward. And terrible. I couldn't even push him away properly, plus he had his hands all over me and I had to actually touch him." She looked positively disgusted at the thought.

Lily laughed as she started to braid the shiny, black hair. "Sure. So how did you guys get out of it?"

Natalie grimaced and flushed again, noticeably. Lily got a little alarmed. 

"Natalie, what the bloody hell happened?" she asked, but starting to smirk. "What has got you blushing again?"

Natalie motioned for her to continue braiding. "We needed a wand," she said matter of factly, trying to control her voice. "but both of ours were in our back pockets."

"You're going to blow a bullock off, one of these days," Lily pointed out needlessly.

"Who do you know that has blown a bullock off themselves?"

"It just has to happen once," Lily shrugged defensively. "So what was the problem with the wands? At least you had them."

Natalie's flush deepened. Lily pulled the braid back, craning Natalie's head to meet her eyes.

"What has gotten into you?" she said smiling. "I've never seen you blush a day in your life, and now three times in one night?"

Natalie rolled her eyes and looked forward again. "Can I finish?" she asked impatiently.

"Please do. Now why was your wands being in your back pocket a problem, other than safety reasons?" Lily replied.

She paused, cringing at the thought of Lily's reaction would be. "We couldn't get to them ourselves," she said slowly.

Lily obviously wasn't working this out. "What do you mean, you couldn't get to them? Did someone else have to get them for you?"

Natalie shook her head again, now really embarrassed. "You misunderstood me. I couldn't get to mine and he couldn't get to his."

Lily was still confused.

"Lily, we were in a bloody embrace, for crying out loud! Put two and two together!" Natalie cried, flushing again.

Understanding dawned on Lily's face. "Are you serious?" she asked, laughing her head off.

Natalie just grimaced.

"Did you get his, or did he get yours?" she asked weakly, still giggling periodically.

Natalie cringed again as Lily tied off the braid and moved to sit beside her again.

"He tried to get mine, first," she said unwillingly, as Lily's grin widened. "But of course, he grabbed my arse on the way back and dropped it."

Lily's grin turned into a frown. "Black is the only one who would consider groping you in the middle of a crisis."

Natalie nodded unhappily. "That's what I said."

Lily paused for a second, and then her grin returned. "So you had to get his?"

Natalie nodded, still trying not to be sick.

"And then, of course, he used the first spell that came to mind, and it sent us both crashing down 15 feet, which of course, we landed on top of each other," Natalie said quickly, as if trying to end the story.

"Is that why you're back early?" Lily asked, still giggling.

"Yes," Natalie replied. "And why I'm so dirty."

"Well," Lily answered matter of factly, "you had Black all over you, so that makes sense."

"You have no idea."

Lily paused and then sat up, another wild grin on her face. "Why were you blushing?" she inquired innocently.

Natalie rolled her eyes and wrapped the end of her braid around her finger. "Come on, Lily," she protested.

Lily shook her head. "I told you about me and Caradoc. Now you tell me about you and Black."

Natalie started wringing her hands, looking exactly like Lily. She finally threw them up in the air, as if fed up.

"I liked him for ages, Lily, you remember how infatuated I was," she said exasperated. "And he's a good looking bloke; I'd be lying if I said he wasn't."

Lily nodded, motioning for her to go on.

"The attraction is always going to be there, as much as I might hate him," she said firmly. "There's nothing I can do about it."

Lily agreed solemnly. And then, for the tenth time that night, broke out into a broad grin.

"What?" Natalie asked defensively.

"If you were having some issues, think about Black must have been going through," Lily said slapping her leg, amused.

Natalie looked at her blankly. "I wasn't having issues! And what in the bloody hell are you talking about?"

Lily rolled her eyes and playfully shoved her friend. "Natalie, you're completely gorgeous, everyone in the school knows it," she said matter of factly. Natalie flushed again and opened her mouth to deny it.

"Including Black," Lily cut her off. "Plus," she shrugged, "he's a teenage boy. Even Salazar Slytherin would have felt something," she paused, grinning wider than before, "harden."

"You are giving me a little too much credit," Natalie argued, not trying to keep the disgusted look off her face at the thought of Sirius 'hardening'. "I was screaming at him the entire time. Trust me, I didn't look too attractive."

"Nonsense," Lily said abruptly, brushing her off. "He was most likely staring at you, if not down your shirt."

Remembering the moment they had on the ground, Natalie flushed again. Lily grinned triumphantly.

"Told you so," she said wickedly.

"It doesn't matter either way," Natalie explained, wishing the blush would disappear. "I hate his guts and wish he would drown in his own body liquids, then dry and shrivel up and then catch on fire and then pounded by myself, with a beaters bat before feeding him to acromantulas," she said fiercely.

"Harsh," Lily murmured, inwardly grateful that Natalie didn't hate her.

"And he had already made it quite clear that he's not too concerned with my wellbeing either," she said as dignified as she could.

Lily shook her head but didn't comment.

Natalie decided to change the subject. "Hagrid got a new puppy!"

And from then on they continued, chatting as if they'd been away from each other for years, reminiscing and remembering, but also bringing each other up to date with things that had happened.

And that's how Sirius found them the next morning.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sirius shrugged himself down the stone staircase, rubbing a hand tiredly over his face, exhausted. He had gotten in late, and hadn't been able to fall asleep until much later.

He stumbled down the cold flagstones, not being able to even draw up the energy to wince at the frigidity of them against his feet. He cursed at forgetting his slippers.

He sluggishly glanced a look down at his wrist, trying to see the time. He groaned as 5:30 danced mockingly back at him. He was barely able to summon a glare for it before reaching the landing.

_What to do for 2 hours?_ He asked himself, completely disheartened by the early hour. He staggered through the common room, not even attempting to close his robe around his naked torso and his loose flannels.

He sunk into the nearest armchair, his eyes slowly becoming adjusted to the slightly lit common room. And when he looked about himself blearily, becoming accustomed to the light and finally waking up, he got a shock.

Laying where he had left them, were Natalie and Lily, sleeping peacefully.

Sirius rubbed his eyes fruitlessly, as the night before came flooding back to him. Against his will, Natalie's begging eyes danced mockingly in front of his eyes. He shook his head slightly, feeling as if he had dunked his head into the lake.

He surveyed the two of them, this time registering their obscure positions. Lily was curled up like a cat at one foot of the couch, resting her head sideways against the cushions. One arm lay cramped in her lap, and the other nestled under her neck. She had a serene smile gracing her face, one that usually was completely blank.

His gaze then roved over Natalie. Again, he felt like someone had dumped a barrel of freezing water over his head.

His eyes trailed over her slowly, as if determined not to rush, breath slightly hitched in his throat. Again he was struck at how different she looked without disgust lining every angle of her body.

She lay sprawled over the couch, on her back. Her legs were extended, and bent only slightly at the knee, and were resting against Lily's back, which was turned away from her.

His eyes moved slightly upward from her legs, taking in one arm resting gently across her flat stomach, her skirt, now hiked up to a point which McGonagall would do more than frown at, her school shirt bunched ever so slightly, revealing a flat, bronze stomach adorned with a simple belly button ring with a small blue stone set into it.

Sirius gulped, trying to tear his eyes away from the expanse of skin that was beginning to torment him. But instead of looking away, his body mechanically stood, and slowly stalked nearer and nearer to the couch, never looking away.

As he reached the side of it, he knelt down, ignoring the stiffness of his knees, ignoring how his still open bathrobe was caught uncomfortably in his ankles.

From there, he finally moved his gaze upward still, his eyes catching her ringed slim fingers, its nails painted in a light orange, which complimented her tan skin; her taut shirt stretching across her chest, pulled tightly at turning over during the night, moving slowly up and down with every breath; her collar pulled down and the top buttons undone with her tie strewn aside, revealing the most tantalizing amount of cleavage, that again, he couldn't tear his eyes away from.

Finally, his eyes watering from struggling not to blink, he moved up the long smooth column of her neck encircled by a thin gold chain, to her chin tilted sideways across the armrest of the sofa, her high cheekbones resting softly against the fabric. His gaze caught upon her other hand, curled up at the side of her face, almost touching it, her full red lips, parted ever so slightly, matching the even breathing that corresponded with each rise and lull of her chest.

He squinted slightly at the rest of her face, mostly obscured by a fan of shiny, straight hair, only disturbed at the steady breathes emitted from her mouth.

He raised a hand hesitantly, and with agonizing slowness, he reached toward her face, trying not to breathe too heavily.

He softly brushed the curtain of hair back from her face, letting fall onto her shoulder. He sucked in a breath.

She was beautiful.

His eyes roved over her face, drinking in every detail, how her strong nose pierced the air, how her large eyelids never fluttered, to her perfectly arched brows, to her long, curving eyelashes fanned out against her cheeks.

He hastily removed his hand and stood up quickly, looking anywhere but her, ignoring the stabbing feeling in his knees. He groaned to himself as he berated himself for even thinking about her like this.

He went back and sunk down in his chair, looking anywhere but down at the couch. He glanced at the ceiling, the antique rugs, to the exquisite carvings around the hearth, to the barely glowing coals, to his own trembling hands. And then, mostly against his will, his eyes were drawn automatically back to her.

He hated himself for it.

He buried his head in his hands, propping them up on his knees. How could this be happening? How could he find his greatest enemy, the thorn in his side, beautiful?

He stayed that way for several minutes, silently wishing that when he looked up, they would both be gone, and he wouldn't have to deal with them. Finally, he chanced a look up.

They hadn't moved.

Finally, the reality of the situation hit him. Here was Lily Evans, THE Lily Evans, lying fast asleep on the couch, in almost a vulnerable state as last night.

Unconsciously, and to his deep discomfort, Natalie's entreating gaze flashed before his eyes.

He sunk back into his hands, completely disheartened by the fact that they were still there. Now he had a choice to make.

He knew that the only reason that Natalie would EVER look at him like that, defenses down, completely vulnerable, and putting herself at risk, was because she didn't want him, or anyone else, seeing Lily without her guard up.

And even though he hated her so much for all that she had done to him, he had to honor that risk. He had to respect the dedication to her friend, enough to submit herself to her enemy.

He glanced up again, and studied her, this time not as a lustful, hormonal, teenage boy, but as an equal, as a peer who he could come to respect.

And again, he found her beautiful.

His decision made, he stood up and walked over to Natalie again. He couldn't leave them there to be seen, even though that was the course of action he most wanted to pursue. But he also knew he couldn't wake Lily, because that would defeat the purpose; Natalie didn't want ANYONE to see her friend.

He toyed with the idea of levitating them both, but he quickly squashed the idea, seeing as Lily would probably realize that she didn't levitate herself to her bedroom, and he most likely wouldn't be able to swing the sleepwalking gig. Plus he didn't know the password to the Head Dorm, and he couldn't get up the stairwell into the girls dorm.

There was only one solution.

He gulped again before leaning over her, his hand looming over her, moving frantically over her shoulder, then her face, back to her shoulder, and then to arm, as if unsure where to touch her. The quick, stumbling movements of his hands was a sharp contrast to his calm facial features, however.

Finally, he let his hand lower with agonizing slowness toward her shoulder. Finally, his hand lightly brushed her skin.

She slightly stirred, as Sirius kept his gaze trained on her face.

Her eyes slowly flickered open.

He winced as he saw her blue crystal orbs first cloud over in confusion, then in panic. He had forgotten that he was still looming over her, his robe still open.

Her eyes widened considerably as she moved to sit up, her mouth opening to speak.

"Bla…" she started loudly, still struggling to sit up. Sirius hurriedly covered her mouth with his hand, with enough force that she fell back against the armrest. Sirius looked behind himself pointedly, allowing her to follow his gaze and land on Lily, who hadn't stirred.

He turned back to her, not surprised that her shock had not faded.

She started to mumble against his hand ineffectively, as her arms flew up to his wrist and started to pull. Sirius tried to ignore the feeling of her lips moving against his palm, and pushed down tighter. She was unsuccessful, he was too strong; her struggles were fruitless.

"Calm down," he whispered. "You'll wake her up." He was relatively surprised that she hadn't so far; Natalie had kicked her legs out in her confusion.

Finally Natalie was able to wrench away from his grip, sitting up haphazardly, although careful to not kick her friend.

"What are you doing?" she hissed, as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, as if trying to make if forget that it had been confined by Sirius only a moment before.

Sirius rolled his eyes and took a step back, allowing her to stand, knowing how intimidated she felt with him standing over her.

Natalie stood up carefully, shifting her weight so Lily wouldn't wake. She stumbled a short ways away, still sleepy, and gestured Sirius to come toward her.

As he made his way over, she had to notice his open robe. It was dangling attractively over his broad frame, allowing a large majority of his upper torso to peep through. And Natalie was only too grateful.

When she had fell for Sirius Black in fifth year, she had basically fallen in love with his appearance; his face, his body, his hair, you name it. But now, Natalie decided without argument, she realized that she had been missing out.

_You're fighting a losing battle,_ Natalie told herself ruefully as she struggled to keep her features neutral, to prevent her jaw from dropping, to stop her hands from reaching out and feeling those muscles tense under her touch.

Saying that Sirius Black was ripped was an understatement. Broad shoulders fanned out into muscular arms, so defined in fact, that she could see their outline through his robe. Then followed two perfectly proportioned pecs, which Natalie tried not to look at for too long, because her breathing started to labor, which folded into a glorious, absolutely perfect, six pack, which Natalie really couldn't look at without having to subdue a swoon.

She ignored how it was perfectly hairless, save for a small line of hair winding its way down his abdomen from below his belly button into his flannels. She brushed off the fact that he was perfectly tanned, with no tan lines or freckles to be seen.

Sirius wasn't doing so well either. As he walked toward her, he didn't even acknowledge her uncomfortable stance, because he was as well.

Her skirt was still hiked up, despite the fact that she was now standing. Her shirt was tousled and another button had come undone. Some of her midriff was still showing as well, and her hair was disheveled as well.

Sirius gulped and tried to ignore the glint of her belly button ring. This wasn't working very well.

Finally he stood in front her, right in front of a small alcove or nook, complete with a window seat and large drapes. It was a carved out little niche in the wall, almost forming a little room. If you stood flat against the two opposite sides, you could disappear from view.

Natalie breathed a sigh of relief; now that he was in front of her, she didn't have to look down at his chest. Her relief was short lived however, now having to stare up at his face which was close to hers in attempt to keep the noise down.

"What were you doing, Black," she said softly, but lanced with disgust.

Sirius looked at her for a long moment. "Doing you a favor," he replied, although now looking as if he wished he hadn't.

Natalie's eyes widened slightly. "How is leaning over me while I'm sleeping, while most likely doing something perverted, helpful to me in the slightest?" she said, almost shrilly, barely remembering to keep her voice down.

Sirius' eyes narrowed through his flush, hoping she didn't notice and correspond it with his "perverted" doings. "I wasn't doing anything perverted," he countered defensively.

"Sure," Natalie said, not convinced in the slightest. "Now back to my question: What, in Merlin's name, were you doing?"

"Helping you out!" he said a little louder. "Last night," he started, as Natalie's eyes narrowed more, "you didn't want me to say anything," he explained heatedly, "so Evans here wouldn't know I had seen her like that."

Natalie didn't reply, but her gaze softened very slightly.

"Correct?" he asked haughtily.

"Yes," she said softly, breaking eye contact, suddenly aware at their closeness. She obviously remembered that she owed him one.

"Well," he continued with new vigor, now that she realized that she owed him, "I assumed that, when I found you both down here, that you wouldn't want the rest of Gryffindor house seeing her either."

He paused as she met his eyes again. "You know that saying? Losing a knut and finding a galleon? It would be more like, losing 10 galleons and finding nothing at all."

Natalie's heart was sinking as she desperately tried to find anything else to complain about. "You didn't have to loom over me like that," she muttered stubbornly.

Sirius snorted. "Well next time this happens, I'll just conjure a ten foot pole," he said, referencing something she had said the day before, "and wake you with that."

His arrogance was starting to bother her again, even though she was fully aware of the favor he had did for her. She figured that Lily wouldn't be so keen on opening herself up anymore if the first time she did so, someone made a big deal out of it.

She couldn't bite her tongue. "Well that's better than you drooling over me," she said harshly, feeling satisfied at the sparks that flew in his grey orbs.

"Don't flatter yourself, Smith," he bit out, though still unable to control the blush that rose on the back of his neck.

"Well, seeing you turn red isn't convincing me otherwise," she taunted back triumphantly, pushing down the sick happiness she felt at the knowledge that Sirius Black was checking her out the same way she used to him, back in fifth year.

_How the tables have turned,_ she said happily to herself, momentarily feigning amnesia as to what she had been looking at moments before.

"And you think I'm conceited!" he finally responded, looking thoroughly upset.

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do," she said primly.

Sirius looked enraged now. "And yet you're convinced that I'm checking you out while you're asleep!"

She smiled, nothing that it was anger him more. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

"How does that not make you a hypocrite?" he said loudly, completely forgetting to keep his voice down.

"Because you fucking blushed!" Natalie cried back, also forgetting to keep her voice down. "You proved my point, not my ego! That makes me clever, not conceited!"

But just as Sirius let out a large snarl, a small sigh emerged from the couch.

Natalie and Sirius both froze in horror and watched silently as Lily began to stir.

Finally coming to her senses, Natalie quickly pushed Sirius against the wall, thudding right against him, just as Lily's eyelids fluttered, with amazing speed.

Sirius groaned as his back hit the flagstones, but was quickly silenced when Natalie's hand immediately jumped to his mouth. She stood on her tiptoes and breathed into his ear, "Shhhhh," almost indiscernibly.

He noticeably shivered, completely humiliated because he knew that Natalie felt it. But with her warm fingers covering his mouth, and her warm breath tickling his ear, and her eyelashes tantalizingly brushing his cheek, he couldn't help it.

Natalie groaned to herself when she felt his shiver. _This is not good,_ she told herself speculatively. _This is the third time in less than 24 hours that I've been pressed up against Sirius Black. That's quite a bit, even considering the fact that we are both hormone crazed, young, fucking hot, (if I do say so for myself, and admit for him), teenagers._

They stayed like that for a long time, both straining their ears, trying to hear if Lily had gone back to sleep. When Natalie was sure Sirius wasn't going to make a sound, she, very slowly, removed her hand from his mouth, drawing it back and bracing herself against the chest that she had been daydreaming about only moments before.

Even though she was supposed to be completely focused on trying to hear Lily's steady breathing, she couldn't help but note their positions, which was starting to feel slightly familiar. Again, Sirius' hands were gripping her waist, although this time, the bare skin of her lower back was in direct contact. Their thighs were crushed against each other, their stomachs molded together perfectly. Again, her hands were pressed intimately against his chest, this time bare. Their faces were inches apart.

Natalie gulped, starting to completely forget about Lily or why they were there. All she could feel was where they were in contact, from the legs braced against each others, his stomach pressed against hers, her bare fingers spread across his bare chest, his breath against her face, his heart beat pounding into her touch, all the while not being able to look away from their locked stare.

Sirius didn't think he was going to last much longer. Her fingers were on his chest, and his were gripping the naked flesh of her waist. He could feel each breath of hers, now coming in pants to mimick his own, fan across his cheek. He was sure Lily was asleep by now, but he had forgotten about her a long time ago. He had forgotten everything except for her too blue eyes surrounded by those eyeslashes, staring back up at him.

Sirius groaned inwardly when he felt himself start to arouse, knowing that there was no way that she wouldn't be able to feel it. But again, he couldn't care, because she was still looking at him like that.

Finally, breaking the complete standstill, Natalie hesitantly withdrew a hand from his chest and brought it up to his face, stopping completely and withdrawing several times.

However, with almost a curious expression on her face, she finally let her hand delicately push a stray lock of ebony hair aside, then brush across his forehead and down his temple to sweep across his cheek. She hesitated again as his breath started to come more heavily.

She continued though. From his cheek, she followed the strong angles of his nose with a delicate touch, traced down his jaw lightly with deliberate slowness, and then let a finger dance wickedly with the barest touch on his lips. At this, Sirius' stopped breathing all together, holding his breath, completely stumped as to what she was going to do next.

She simply cocked her head slightly, looking curious, and moved that finger down the length of his neck, sweeping across his broad shoulders, tracing his upper arms, then back to his chest, circling both pecs, and then letting her hand, all four fingers now, slink tantalizingly down the middle of his chest.

Sirius thought that he was going to faint, either of oxygen deprivation or what she was doing to him with her hand. She was staring intently at his chest now, surveying it with great interest. He watched her still.

With increasing slowness, she made her way along his abdomen, delicately feeling each individual muscle, that were beginning to tense to even her lightest touch. Finally, when she had reached the bottom, Sirius was dying. If she even looked at him there, he was sure that he was going to explode.

But her fingers were tracing back upwards, going back the way they went, finally spreading over his heartbeat, which had tripled from the last time she was there. She slowly returned her gaze to his.

At that moment, Sirius couldn't hold himself in any longer. Very noticeably, his pants got extremely tight, and he knew that he was rubbing against her lower stomach because his flannels wouldn't be able to conceal him.

Natalie was screaming at herself, completely infuriated at what she had just done. She wanted to pull her hair out, to scream, to slap him, to hex him into oblivion.

That was until she had felt him against her stomach.

She felt a sick satisfaction that she had been able to do that to him. She also felt relieved, that once again they were on a level playing field, after she had made the first move.

She tried to analyze the situation, tried to get a grasp on anything, but she couldn't. All she could think about was him against her stomach, and those gray eyes piercing her own.

"Sorry," he choked out very softly, completely embarrassed at his arousal now fully extended against her stomach. But he couldn't look away.

But before Natalie could even contemplate what she was doing, she quickly stood to her tiptoes, sliding her hands up to his neck, she covered his lips with hers.

Sirius was in complete shock. Complete and utter mystification. He knew that there was no way that Natalie Smith could be kissing him right now. And because of his shock, he didn't move at all; his eyes simply widened.

Natalie took her lips away from the chaste kiss feeling completely mortified. She had just kissed Sirius Black. Her most hated enemy in all of Hogwarts. She had just kissed him.

Her mind was in a daze, her reasonable self screaming profanities in her head, making her dizzy. Her jaw dropped open abrubtly, and she finally took a step back, breaking his solid grip that he had on her waist.

Sirius hadn't even blinked.

Natalie closed her eyes in embarrassment, trying to contain tears of humiliation. She took another step away from him, shaking her head.

Finally, Sirius was able to come to his senses.

Taking a very sudden step forward, he closed the distance between them, his hands gripping her waist again, and thudding her into the opposite wall, covering her mouth with his own.

Sirius was in heaven. He had never anticipated a kiss like this, ever before. He felt electricity lacing every nerve of his body, hot and undiluted sweetness flooding him in bursts, leaving everywhere, from his already excited member, still pressing against her, to his fingertips, which were holding her hips as if he couldn't bear to let go, tingling with excitement.

Passion grew with each kiss, each one getting more and more heated. He didn't pause between each one anymore, now moving fluidly onto the next. Every movement she made, he could feel: from her hands cradling his neck, from her chest heaving against his, to her eyelashes brushing against his cheeks, and to her lips moving against his own.

Natalie was in ecstasy. She had never felt so out of control before. His lips were moving constantly, surprising her completely. She knew that Sirius had a lot of experience, but this was shocking. Random shocks raced down her body every other second, leaving her almost trembling. She never wanted it to stop. Ever.

Sirius couldn't restrain himself anymore. Any dignity he wanted to leave with went right out the window. His hands slowly slipped down to her arse, and he began to knead methodically. As if urged on by this, her hands left his face and started to trail back down to bare chest, touching him absolutely everywhere. Both were completely out of breath, yet unwilling to stop because they just had to have more.

Finally after several long minutes of the most intense snogging they had ever experienced, a loud, sudden snore from Lily ripped them apart.

Both continued to breathe heavily as they silently reviewed where they were. Sirius' hands were still on her arse, and Natalie had been massaging his chest. Both of their lips were completely swollen.

Finally, they both looked up at each other, it actually registering what had happened. They both recoiled sharply, edging away from each other.

Without another word, Sirius had fled back up the stairs and Natalie back into the common room to wake Lily before people started coming down for breakfast.

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HOPE YOU LIKE!!!! Sorry bout adding the Sirius and Natalie part so soon but I was in the mood lol… review por favor!!!


	18. Inhibitions and Hard to Place Faces

**I hope you liked that last bit… I was actually planning to make it much more drawn out and anticipated but I figured the sexual tension is more interesting to "draw out"… lol here's some more…**

**Reviews are ALWAYS appreciated…**

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Lily found herself in a familiar position: outside the Gryffindor Portrait Hole, staring at the Fat Lady, who was regarding her curiously out of the corner of her eye.

However, this wasn't like the last time she was waiting for Natalie to emerge. With a small grin, she gave the portrait the password, and with much undisguised surprise, that Fat Lady swung forward to admit her.

Lily surveyed the common room steadily, before sweeping in and settling herself primly on the very couch that she had been on only an hour beforehand.

Lily cringed on the inside before making a quick, mental sweep of the common room, only satisfied when she was assured with solitude. That had been a very close call this morning.

_Thank Merlin Natalie's an early riser,_ Lily thought giddily, promptly ignoring the fact that Natalie ALWAYS slept in. _Anyone could have come in and seen us._

Lily shuddered violently at the very thought. Last night had been truly wonderful, and she felt like she and Natalie were closer then ever. They had shared everything; save James' secret. Lily had kept that to herself, knowing that it wasn't hers to tell.

_That's all fine and dandy,_ her stubborn side argued, _but you can still exercise some caution._

Lily agreed profusely. She was perfectly content being herself around Natalie, but as she had thought before, the exception would cause more and more slipups, and she didn't think she was ready to discard her armor.

_Well, maybe you should consider dropping the whole charade altogether, _her damned reasonable side defended. _If it worked with Natalie, who's to say that it won't with everyone else?_

But Lily quickly squashed that idea. She had no desire to be that vulnerable in front of others; that was the reason she had the skill in the first place.

Lily allowed a sigh to escape her pursed lips, and tried to stop herself from wringing her hands.

_I'll just be more careful in the future, _she decided, _and I'll take it from there. _

Just as she vowed to be more wary in the future, she heard Natalie tumble down the stairs. She stood and turned in one fluid movement, studying her friend in the same instant.

Inwardly, Lily's eyes widened. But then she let out a giggle, and reluctantly let it reach her eyes.

Natalie was not looking so awake. Her clothes were as rumpled as when she had woken Lily, and her hair was looking even more disheveled. Her bag was dragging behind her, thumping down the stairs behind her, trailing like an unwilling puppy. Both of her school socks reached only the middle of her shins, and both of her shoes were untied. Her tie dangled loosely and her eyes were squinting into the dimly lit common room.

Lily sighed, letting her shoulder droop a little, biting back another laugh. Natalie looked sleepier than she did before.

"Rough night?" Lily asked wickedly, before following in her friend's wake toward the portrait hole.

Natalie grunted, her only response to give a half hearted attempt at drawing her knee highs to a proper height. Lily's grin widened as she held the door open for her friend.

"More like a rough morning," she muttered finally, once they had both slid out of the portrait.

Lily gave her a sidelong look as they walked slowly down the corridor, trying to remember anything that had happened that morning. "What makes you say that?" she said, puzzled.

Natalie immediately flushed, brighter than anything she had flushed last night. Lily's eyes immediately widened, as she grabbed her friend's arm and wheeled her around to stop.

"What has gotten into you?" she said decisively, with a half smile on her face that kept waning, as if she couldn't decide if it was appropriate to laugh or not.

Natalie turned her head into her shoulder, still blushing, and muttered a low, "Nothing," before turning and sluggishly continuing her way down the hall, working her fingers through her long black mane as she went, attempting to tame it.

Lily caught up hurriedly, impatiently heaving on her school bag so it could keep up with her. "What happened this morning?" Lily asked again, this time quite seriously. She was very much aware of the fact that Natalie was indeed sleeping, not an hour ago, where Lily had been. Lily was keen on making sure that her own sleeping form wasn't in the vicinity when whatever had happened, had happened.

Natalie muttered something incoherent again, this time trying to smooth her uniform with her hands. It wasn't working to well.

Lily was a little unsettled with Natalie's lack of conversation. Usually her friend was very shameless; she embraced embarrassing or humiliating occurrences, finding humor in mishap. It was one of her qualities that made her very loved.

Lily knew that Natalie's silence only assured a deeper gravity of the situation, but nonetheless, continued to grill her all the way down the Great Hall. Along the way, she became more uneasy.

Natalie's usually impeccable appearance did not improve much. She had managed to get her hair in a rather peculiar fashion that she could maybe have gotten away with, but her clothes and her slumped posture proved otherwise by giving her tiredness away.

Also, she greeted her fellow classmates and admirers, who, when they passed always attempted to engage her in some sort of conversation, with very little enthusiasm. Several of them even looked hurt, while others just looked determined to make their presence known the next time.

They were all surprised at her bluntness and lack of graciousness, and they let it show on their faces.

By the time they entered the Great Hall, Lily was worried. She kept sneaking glances at her friend, who refused to acknowledge the interrogation being fired at her.

They had just sat down and started to eat, when Lily opened her mouth to try and pry some more information out of her. But then as someone walked into the Great Hall, her mouth closed immediately.

Sirius Black stumbled into the Great Hall, looking just as tousled as Natalie. His hair resembled James'; sticking up in all directions, his uniform was wrinkled, and he looked very pale.

Lily looked first at Black, then at Natalie, who was determinedly avoiding her eyes, then back to Black, just to return to Natalie. Finally, she saw the connection.

"You and –" Lily started loudly, half rising from her chair, just as Natalie clapped a hand over Lily's mouth.

"Be quiet!" she hissed, drawing Lily back into her seat and sending a wary glance around her, assuring herself that no one had paid attention to Lily's outburst.

"This has something to do with Black, doesn't it!" Lily hissed right back, looking dismayed, disgusted, and amused at the same time, although allowing herself to sink back onto the bench.

Natalie shushed her again. "I swear to god, Lily, please just shut up!" she begged, pushing away her food, probably feeling sick to her stomach.

Lily shook her head fiercely. "You are going to tell me what is going on," she said rationally, "or I will scream what I'm assuming is going on, to the whole Great Hall."

Natalie glared at her friend. "You wouldn't."

Lily smirked evilly. "Try me," she whispered back.

Natalie glared for a second, apparently thinking it over. Then, very suddenly, she swept two muffins into her bag and strode away from the bench, obviously finding Lily capable of public humiliation. She beckoned lightly with a finger over her shoulder.

Lily swiped a muffin as well, before trailing after Natalie. Before exiting the Great Hall, however, she snuck a glance at Sirius, who was now attempting to bore a hole through his plate.

She was more convinced than ever that this had something to do with Sirius Black.

She hurriedly caught up with Natalie, who, without a word shoved her into an empty classroom, and then, with a hurried look down the corridor to assure privacy, disappeared into it as well.

As Lily situated herself on a desk, Natalie locked the door. Lily's uneasiness grew.

"What in the bloody hell happened?" Lily asked, dropping her façade now that she was in only Natalie's company.

Natalie stood there looking quite forlorn, rubbing an arm ruefully with the other, as if at a complete loss for words. She blushed again.

Natalie sighed heavily, before sitting on the desk next to Lily's. "Do you want the abridged version, or all the juicy details?" she asked, with the hint of a wry grin through her upset exterior.

"What's the difference between the two?" Lily asked cautiously.

Natalie hesitated. "Both, you're not going to like. However, one you'll hate a little extra."

Lily smiled faintly. "Then I'll take all the juicy details," she said promptly, with only a small twinge of foreboding.

Natalie turned away from Lily and hopped off the desk, preparing to pace.

"You're not going to like it," she warned hopefully, as if wishing for her to change her mind.

Lily only stared at her stubbornly, intent on hearing the story.

"I kissed him," she blurted out really fast.

Lily stared at her for a moment, before shaking her head as if she had water in her ear. She then laughed.

"I could have sworn you just said that you kissed Black," Lily said between giggles. Finally, she was able to control herself.

"So what really happened?" she asked curiously, with a hint of impatience.

Natalie only looked at her sadly.

Lily shook her head again, and gave another quip. "That's impossible Natalie. You hate him."

Natalie kept looking at her sadly.

Lily let out a shrill giggle this time, a fake smile now plastered uneasily on her face. "This is the guy that completely broke your heart in fifth year, and has been your arch nemesis since then. There's no way you kissed him," she finished confidently, letting out another small giggle for good measure.

Natalie now stared at the floor, red with shame and embarrassment.

"That's crazy, Natalie," Lily said again, all trace of amusement gone. "Sirius Black embodies everything that you hate. Why would you kiss everything you hate?"

Natalie gave a very, very tiny shrug.

Lily stared at her for a very long moment. "It can't be," she said, but now staring at her friend with a mixture of shock and awe.

"I assure you, it can," Natalie mumbled miserably, rubbing her arm forlornly again.

"Okay," Lily said softly, struggling to try and stay optimistic. "At least, it was just a peck, right? It was just one kiss. That doesn't have to mean much," she said rationally, shrugging her shoulders as if brushing it off.

"Yeah, you're right," Natalie said sadly. "It wouldn't mean much if it was just a kiss."

Lily noted the sarcasm, but didn't reply.

Natalie started to pace. "I don't know why I did it," she confessed, avoiding Lily's penetrating gaze. "We were just standing there, and he was looking at me with that look of his, and I just leaned in a kissed him real fast."

Lily was struggling hard now to try and hide her confusion. She had known that there was some sexual tension between the two, but she didn't think it would amount to anything so drastic so quickly.

She, again, tried to comfort her friend. "So it was just a kiss," Lily pointed out. "That's not as bad as it could have been."

Now Natalie flushed as red as Lily's hair.

"Just how bad did it get?" she asked, her voice rising, laced with shock.

Natalie continued to pace, now wringing her hands and running them hastily through her long hair. Lily watched her steadily, trying to keep her alarm and shock off her features.

"Lily, I pulled away, I swear I did," she said desperately, "but as soon as I took a step back, he was pushing me into the wall," at this she flushed even deeper. "and his hands were everywhere, and I just couldn't think at all."

Lily nodded through her shock, trying not to show her alarm. "Which wall was this?" she asked as delicately as she could, making a mental note to avoid said wall forever after this.

Natalie's flush disappeared and now she looked wary and cautious. "The little alcove in the common room," she said slowly, searching Lily's face for the first glimpse of understanding.

Lily let her answer sink over her, painfully aware of what this could possible imply.

She cleared her throat. "When?" she asked pointedly.

Natalie closed her eyes. "Pretty early," she said in a small voice.

Lily slowly started to close herself again, sending barriers up to her eyes.

"How early?" she asked with an air of forced calm.

Natalie opened her eyes hesitantly and grimaced at Lily's now stiff form.

"Early enough," she whispered quietly.

Lily's mind was racing as a panic started to rise in her chest. "He saw me?" she asked, her voice beginning to tremble, but with forced casualness.

Natalie rushed forward and grasped her friends hands in her own. "He walked in last night," she said quickly, and I kind of asked him not to say anything. You didn't hear him."

Lily pulled away from her friend and began to pace as well, wringing her hands and rocking back on her heels.

She cleared her throat again, struggling to remain calm. "And this morning?"

"He came down early," Natalie answered at once, "and woke me to move you."

Lily spun around, now looking puzzled. "Why?"

Natalie stared hard back at her friend, a little relieved at the change of emotion. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Lily continued to pace, her shock and anger starting to fade, if not her panic.

"What happened this morning?" she asked firmly, insinuating that she wanted the whole truth.

Natalie watched her unhappily, folding her arms protectively against her chest.

"He woke me up and I freaked out," she started apologetically. "And to avoid waking you up, we went over to the little alcove to chat quietly."

At this point, she was trying to force a casual tone into her voice. "I asked him what he was doing, and he told me, but then we started to argue, and you woke up a little."

Now she returned to apologetic. "So I just pushed him against the wall," she said softly, going pink again. "so you wouldn't see us if you got up. But you went back to sleep."

Lily surveyed her friend again, feeling like the climax of the story was arriving soon.

"And, and…" she trailed off, giving Lily a heart wrenching confused look. "I don't know what came over me. He was just standing there, and I was basically on top of him," she said hurriedly, her arms waving around helplessly, "and then, of course, I had to go and run my hands all over him."

Lily stopped in her tracks. "What?" she yelped.

Natalie looked away sheepishly, and perched herself back on the desk, head in her hands.

"You're not understanding me, Lily," she said desperately, "I couldn't help it. It was like all control had gone from my body and it was doing everything I didn't want it too."

Lily nodded, recognizing the feeling from when she was with Caradoc. "Keep going," she said calmly, resuming her pacing.

Natalie buried her head in her hands again, sounding close to tears. "And then he got a boner," (Lily rolled her eyes at this), "and I just reached up and kissed him."

"He didn't even move at first," she continued, sounding muffled as she was talking into her hands. "And then, of course, I felt completely humiliated and I tried to get away, I swear I did, Lily."

Lily nodded. "And then he kissed you?"

"More like attacked me," Natalie said wryly, letting her head emerge from her palms for a moment. "I think I have a bruise from where he pushed me into the wall."

Lily continued to try to get a grasp on this, unable to quench the panic still rising in her chest.

"And?"

Natalie sunk her head back into her hands sadly. "And then we just kind of came to our senses and ran away from each other," she said hopelessly, now sniffling into her palms.

Lily stared at her friend for a moment, letting sympathy wash over her panic for now. She quickly strode over to her friend and took her into her arms, hugging her tightly.

After a long moment of a very tight embrace, Lily pulled away and looked Natalie dead in the eye. "It's okay," she assured her. "Getting caught up in the moment is completely normal. It was just a mistake."

Natalie shook her head helplessly. "Lily, you don't get it," she said softly. Lily cocked her head in reply.

"I liked it," she explained simply, although lacing it with emphasis. "I couldn't get enough; I was completely out of control. It was the best kiss that I have ever had or have dreamed of having."

Lily didn't know what to say. "But you hate him," she stated, trying to understand.

"Now I'm afraid of him," Natalie admitted quietly. "I'm afraid that he'll use it against me and I'm afraid of not being able to control myself around him. I'm afraid that things won't go back to normal, and I'm afraid that he might not even be taking this seriously."

Lily shook her head, completely convinced that Sirius had just a good of time as well.

"But most of all, I'm afraid of what is going to happen now."

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Sirius walked slowly down a corridor, in no hurry whatsoever. He and every other sane seventh year at this period off, except the crazy ones who were taking Ancient Runes.

He meandered dejectedly through the hallway, stopping when anything caught his interest, walking for the sole reason of walking and avoiding the rest of the world.

He had told James about what had happened that morning. He hadn't told Remus; he didn't think he could bear the knowing "I told you so's." Granted, James had been half asleep when he had sprinted up the stairs, so he wasn't sure if James would remember their conversation.

Sirius raked a hand hastily through his messy hair that wasn't up to his usual standard. He just couldn't get the kiss out of his head.

He groaned inwardly as his mind automatically rewound to 6:00, where he and Natalie were quite busy. The kiss was haunting him; he just couldn't forget it.

It wasn't just the best kiss he had ever received. She was good; he'd give her that. But the way he felt while he was kissing her, like the electricity, the shocks, the loss of control; he didn't know where that had come from.

He wasn't really paying attention to where he was going; he just ambled down the hallway in a zig zag fashion, trying to think of something to occupy his thoughts, other than Natalie Smith.

That was until he was jerked unceremoniously into an empty classroom.

Sirius widened his eyes as he spun around, attempting to see his assailant, just as he heard the door lock.

"Smith?" he asked incredulously, as she turned and met his stormy grey gaze with her clear blue one.

"Black," she said evenly, and drawing in a breath as if bracing herself for something unpleasant.

Sirius wiped sweaty palms on his robes, very aware of the daydreams he was having only moments before.

"What was that for?" he asked cautiously, as he tried to think of every possible escape he could pull. He glanced around the room, noting that they were quite alone, with the only way out bared by Natalie.

Natalie let the breath she was holding out, although still very uneager to even look at him.

"We have something to discuss, Black," she said firmly, as she perched herself on one of the desks attractively.

Sirius gulped but didn't move any closer or farther from her. He ran a hand through his hair ashamedly.

"Listen, Smith, it was just a one time thing…"

"Are you planning on telling anyone about Lily?" she asked firmly, cutting him off immediately.

Sirius looked at her, jaw dropped. "This is about Evans?" he asked skeptically.

"Answer the question, Black," she ordered haughtily, already getting riled up at the idea that he had assumed she wanted to discuss their little rendevous.

Sirius rolled his eyes, still unable to completely follow the jump from the two different subjects. "Play nice now, Smith," he said sarcastically, still unable to grasp what she was asking him.

Natalie crossed her arms. "Just give me an answer and we'll both go our separate ways."

"I don't think that you're in the position of dictating the terms of any agreement," he sneered, completely put off by her ungracious manner.

Natalie glared at him, but realized his point. She was, again, at his mercy.

"Fine," she said through gritted teeth. "Please inform me of any intention of divulging my best friend's near breakdown to the public."

Sirius glared back. He knew that she wanted him to pity her, to respect her devotion to her friend, to grant her a free pass.

He grunted. "Why should I not?"

Natalie blinked, her anger returning in waves. She stood, pushing the desk away. "I don't know, Black, maybe because it's the right thing to do?" she asked scathingly, putting her hands on her hips, trying to intimidate him.

Sirius snorted. "You're lecturing me on morals?" he asked scornfully.

"I'm trying to protect my friend!" she retorted, completely disgusted by his lack of understanding and decency.

"If you wanted to protect her, then why did you lead her right into a position she didn't want to be in!" Sirius roared back, taking a step closer to her.

Natalie's eyes narrowed dangerously. "It wasn't a position she didn't want to be in until you walked in!" she yelled, as she in turn took a step closer.

"She shouldn't have been there in the first place!" he shouted back, taking another step.

"She had every right to be wherever she wants to be," Natalie assured him coldly, now glaring up into his face as he loomed over her.

"You need real psychotic help," he told her distastefully. "I TRIED TO HELP HER, REMEMBER?"

"Clearly that wasn't the only thing on your mind, so stop trying to be the fucking saint!" Natalie pointed out loudly, her hair now flying about her, her eyes glittering with rage.

"You're the one that shoved me into the wall!" Sirius retaliated.

"Because you woke Lily up!" Natalie screamed back, completely enraged.

"You kissed me!" Sirius yelled loudly, with an odd triumphant gleam in his eye.

There was a ringing silence as both of them glared at each other, with hatred in their eyes.

Finally, Natalie spoke. "You kissed me back," Natalie said coldly.

Sirius shook his head harshly. "That's just because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself," he retorted.

Natalie raised her eyebrows mockingly. "Don't worry, baby, there were some things you couldn't keep to yourself either," she said airily, referring to his erection, though still infuriated.

Sirius' grey eyes glittered with malice. "Speaks the girl who kissed me on her own free will."

Natalie couldn't stay calm. "You fucking pushed me back into the wall!"

"You had your hands all over my chest!"

"Are you kidding? You were kneading my arse!"

"You still kissed me first!" Sirius repeated, his breath coming in pants, as that moment was starting to come back to him.

"It was just a kiss!" Natalie screamed back, "You initiated the snog that followed shortly afterwards!"

"You obviously weren't complaining," Sirius shot back defensively.

"You had me shoved up a wall. There was nothing else I could do," she lied through her teeth, crossing her arms protectively over her chest.

Sirius snorted. "Clearly," he said sarcastically, "there was nothing else you could do but stick your tongue down my throat."

"You obviously weren't complaining," Natalie echoed him haughtily.

"You're telling me that you just kissed me back for the hell of it?" Sirius asked skeptically, but with the air of already knowing the right answer.

Natalie surveyed him evenly. "There's no way I'd kiss you otherwise," she said harshly, knowing that one would sting.

"Liar," he hissed, and took another step closer to her.

"I am not," she said indignantly, although now aware of how close he was getting.

"You're telling me that you felt nothing?" Sirius asked softly, slowly and gradually moving closer to her.

Natalie stood her ground and didn't move, save for her breathing to labor and her palms to get sweaty. She ignored how his face was inching closer and closer; she merely stared at it, trying desperately to prove that he had no effect on her.

"Not a thing," she whispered, although now she was getting nervous. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked sharply.

He was now leaning over her, his face measuring closer and closer to hers, although no part of there bodies were touching. They stood but a hair's breathe apart, but not a stitch of clothing came in contact. He was bent over slightly, his head down over hers. She had to crane her head up to keep her stare locked. Her arms now lay at her sides.

"Testing that theory," he said ever so softly, letting the air fan against her cheek. He was still getting closer, but now moving so agonizingly slow that she couldn't tell if he was moving at all.

All she could see was those grey, steely eyes piercing her own, reading her like a book. He was now so close she could count every individual eyelash, and could distinctly see the two dark pupils surrounded by pools of stormy grey.

"Stop it, Black," she breathed, but she couldn't even tell if he had stopped moving, because he had been moving so slow. Seconds ticked by; time didn't matter. All that mattered was that she and Sirius were standing as close as they could possibly be without touching, their lips only a hairs breath apart, their breath fanning across each others face, their eyes locked on one another's.

Natalie started digressing back to the moment in the alcove, remembering how it had felt with his hands on her back, his lips covering hers. And without being able to take it anymore, she quickly pressed her mouth to his, and pulled away just as rapidly.

Sirius hadn't seen it coming; it was completely random and he hadn't even thought his idea would work. But she had kissed him again; and she had no excuse this time. They weren't even touching.

Just as quickly as she had kissed him, disappointment and panic and despair welled up in her chest as she pushed past him, and headed toward the door, wand out to unlock it.

But before she could even reach the doorknob, a hand grabbed her wrist and spun her around. And before she had time to protest, his mouth was on hers and she was shoved up against a wall again.

It was the same as that morning. Her attention was ebbing away; the entire world was gone. All that mattered was how their bodies molded together, touching at every available space, how his hands were jumping from her back, to her hips, then down to her arse, then up to her face, and then through her hair, as if he knew that this was going to end soon and he wanted to make the absolute most of it, as if he didn't know where to start.

She was doing the same. Her hands were everywhere at once; cradling his head, grasping at his hair, running her fingers down his chest, brushing over his incredibly broad shoulders, and any inch of his back she could get her hands on.

They lips continuously molded and moved against each others, like the rise and lull of waves, each learning each crevice and corner of each other's mouth, tongues darting in and out between them.

Natalie didn't even bother trying to think. It was all she could do to keep responding, and she wasn't hesitating.

Sirius wasn't faring much better. It was much heavier than last time, and he could feel his pants already begin to tighten. He had never felt anything like this; it was so incredible he couldn't even grasp onto it. He was tingling all over, aftershocks of electricity and heat swamping every nerve of his body.

He pulled away from her mouth after what seemed like ages, but couldn't stand the feeling of not having her against his mouth. So he dived right back down again, sucking at her jaw, and sinking tantalizingly down her throat.

He was sure she was going to stop him, but he had no idea she was as lost as he was.

Natalie wanted to cry when he pulled away, but the feeling completely vanished after she discovered what he was doing to her neck. Suddenly she had the need to get even closer to him.

Natalie hurriedly shoved off his robe and started to tear through the buttons of his shirt while he continued to assault the long column of her neck. Sirius' only response was to pull her own over her head and then go back to her throat, letting her fumble with his.

Finally, she tore it off and discarded it on the floor with her own, as Sirius lifted her up and balanced her across his hips. She wrapped her legs around his waist, now attacking his own neck, kissing and licking and sucking it; doing everything that felt right.

Sirius groaned throatily and managed to stumble across the classroom floor and deposit her on the nearest desk, freeing his hands to finally move over the naked skin of her upper torso.

Natalie thought she was going scream in anticipation as his hand started to rove closer and closer to her chest, which was encased by a black bra, the only piece of clothing she had on other than her skirt and underwear. But his mouth was on hers again and she was kissing him back with more fervor than ever.

Just as his fingers were nearing the underwire of her bra, his mouth was trailing down her neck again, his hands back her waist. She closed her eyes, emitting only a strangled moan as he sucked on her pulse point, and started to venture lower.

Her breaths were coming in quick gasps now, gulping air down desperately into her mouth. She slowly arched her back, nearly laying parallel to floor, as the desk was only long enough to support her bum. His hands held her stomach up as she leaned back, her hands deeply tangled in his hand, guiding him over her.

He barely brushed over her breasts before moving down her stomach. She was in complete ecstasy. She was breathing very hard now, almost raspy, and she couldn't breathe at all. A small smile broke across her features; he was sucking on her belly ring.

Slowly, she guided his head back up to her breasts. He attacked them straightaway. Again, she felt like she was in heaven. She just arched more into him and tightened her legs around his waist. Immediately he groaned into her chest, stopping for a moment just to breathe and try and control his erection.

Natalie straightened up and met his mouth again with gusto, although returning to his neck shortly. She released her hold on his waist with her legs, and backed him up so she could stand off of the desk. She continued to lavish his neck, sucking on his adam's apple, as her hands slowly ventured south, only stopping to curl the thin line of hair on his lower stomach around her finger.

Sirius was now groaning and digging his hands into her back, fumbling with her bra clasp. But just as she had brushed his ever growing member with her slim fingers, the bell tolled.

The effect was immediate. Both of them tore apart and stared at each other, his hands still on her bra clasp, her hand just touching him.

Finally coming to her senses, Natalie pushed him away violently as reality started to come back to her.

"Stop it, Black!" she shrieked as she brushed past him to grab her shirt off the floor.

Sirius still looked a little dazed, and shook his head drunkenly for a couple seconds.

"Last time I checked, you were doing plenty on your own," Sirius retorted as he too, picked up his discarded clothing.

"Just stay away from me," she whimpered, completely humiliated. She pulled on her shirt haphazardly, snatched up her wand and fled out of the door at a run.

But not before Sirius saw a glistening tear running down her cheek.

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Lily let herself be guided by the wave of students escaping the Muggle Studies classroom. She allowed herself to be swept up in their midst, not caring where they led her.

She knew that Natalie had promised her that she would go talk to Sirius, and make sure he would keep his mouth shut, but that didn't stop her from worrying.

She hadn't been able to concentrate all through class; only letting her mind drift off to Caradoc and made up scenarios detailing Natalie's progress with Sirius.

She let a small grin overtake her features; there was a couple that she might bet on.

Slowly but surely, the students milling around her started to thin, and she was able to make her way to the Great Hall without having to push through a crowd. She had planned to meet Natalie there to hear about her success, or possibly her failure.

Again, panic threatened to overtake her. What if Sirius decided he didn't want to keep her silence? What if he thought that this was too juicy to pass up? What if he decided to punish Natalie in an indirect way?

Questions and concerns swirled about in her head, making her more and more anxious to find Natalie and hear Sirius' answer.

Before she knew it, she found herself mechanically gliding down the last marble staircase and standing before the double doors leading out of the Great Hall.

She stepped inside, tilting her chin up as she walked with a deliberate casualness, trying to see over the heads of all the students.

She dropped her bag unceremoniously in defeat as soon as she reached a seat at the Gryffindor table. 

Natalie wasn't here yet.

She automatically pulled a plate toward her and piled it with food. She'd just have to wait.

But just as she settled down to wait, a familiar blond head caught her gaze as it bounced by.

Lily set down her fork absently, eyes narrowing as she tried to conjure an image of the face that belonged to it. It looked so very familiar, but not in a good way.

Something in the back of her mind tugged sharply, as if trying to steer her away from the memory, a warning as to the sorrow it would jar reality.

The blonde girl still wasn't turning around. She had stopped to chat idly with a group of friends, all looking as if they walked right off a model runway into the lunch room. The mystery girl was now twirling a lock of the antagonizing blonde mane, her hip and leg cocked arrogantly to the side, her back facing Lily. Long, plastic, blood red nails adorned her hands which were now tugging impatiently on a yellow lock.

Lily was now staring intently at the back of this girl's head, blatantly ignoring the bad feeling rising in her chest and wishing greatly for her to turn around.

"Her name is Ashley Queenen."

Lily broke her intense stare only to motion Dorcas to sit beside her. Dorcas did so quietly, also directing her gaze to the blonde, who at that moment, chose to throw her head back in a loud, high pitched laugh.

Lily's eyebrows furrowed imperceptibly as she tilted her head slightly to the side, ferociously trying to draw up the image of her face.

"That laugh sounds so damn familiar," Lily murmured tonelessly, her eyes still locked on the back of her head.

Dorcas sighed and turned to Lily, not able to hide her revulsion. Lily noticed immediately.

"Friend of yours?" Lily asked innocently, with a faint smile gracing her lips. She finally pulled her locked gaze away, although kept an eye on her quarry in case she turned around.

"Not so much," Dorcas responded with a grin.

Lily graciously noted her lack of elaboration and turned back to Ashley Queenen rather than press the matter.

They both waited patiently for her to turn around, in silence, Lily worried at Natalie's failed arrival and grossly curious as to why Ashley Queenen looked so familiar.

Finally, she raised a red clawed hand in farewell, and whirled around in a different direction, throwing her facial features into sharp reality.

Lily froze, though it went unnoticed as she had been sitting quite unmoving since she had sat down. But she definitely recognized the face.

Dimly, she felt Dorcas glare disgustedly at the girl as she flaunted past, completely unaware that she had captured the attention of both Lily and Dorcas.

Lily wasn't able to tear her eyes away. Her shock quickly morphed into anger and hatred as her intense gaze roved over chocolate brown beady eyes, a pert nose, thin, razor like lips, and that godforsaken mane of stringy blonde locks.

Out of the corner of her eye, she felt Dorcas sigh and look away, but to only glance at Lily with concern.

"Know her?" she asked casually, absently twirling a fork between her fingers.

"Unfortunately," Lily said through gritted teeth. Although her anger was floating off of her in waves, her expression didn't betray her. Her stiffness was the only sign of malcontent.

Finally, she ripped her gaze away from the platinum blonde head now flouncing out the double doors, to Dorcas, who looked like she was struggling to keep her curiosity on a leash and to not pry.

"That's the bitch who broke me and Caradoc up."

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James quickened his pace hurriedly, hastily swinging his school bag over his shoulder. He checked his watch and swore under his breath.

He had slept in again, since Muggle Studies was the first period of the day, and he didn't take the course. The free time had its advantages; a full night's sleep, although, he ended up sleeping in until he was late for second period.

He checked his watch again, all too aware that the time hadn't changed none. He had about five minutes to scoot down to the Great Hall and grab some food before rushing off to class.

Just as he bounded down the last corridor, leading to the last marble staircase, he roughly collided with a body, which, with the collision, laid sprawled out in front of him.

"Sorry, I was in a hurry," James groaned as he reached a hand down to help the bloke up. This was exactly what he didn't need.

"No problem, mate," a familiar voice said as he grasped the offered hand. "James Potter always has places to be."

James laughed and leaned back on his heels to pull Caradoc up.

"You should know better than to get in my way," James retorted jokingly, falling into step with Caradoc, who also seemed to be in a hurry.

Caradoc brushed himself off midstep. "Especially when food is the picture," he returned with a grin.

They both laughed heartily again as they took off down the marble staircase, joking as they went. At the bottom, James halted abruptly.

Caradoc stopped once he saw James was no longer beside him. He turned around. "What's up?" he asked kindly.

James didn't reply right away. A blonde girl, who had her back to him, was just closing the double doors. The back of her head looked awefully familiar, as if from a dream or something.

Caradoc doubled back when he saw the expression on his friend's face.

"What is it, mate? I thought you wanted food," he asked curiously.

"Who is she?" James asked quietly, although racking his brains, trying to remember the face which belonged to that head of hair.

Caradoc followed the direction of James' stare, and his expression immediately soured.

"Trust me," Caradoc said menacingly. "It's better that you don't know her."

James shook his head, although made a mental note of Caradoc's reaction. "I think I already do," he explained, "I just can't remember her face."

She still hadn't turned around.

"Ashley Queenen," Caradoc said scathingly.

That didn't jar James' memory. But that hair; it looked so bloody familiar.

Finally, she turned around and swept up the marble staircase in front of James and Caradoc, completely ignoring or not noticing their gazes.

James' immediately remembered her when he saw her face. He flushed in anger as he watched her disappear up the steps and into a corridor.

"I'm not a fan, either," Caradoc said unnecessarily.

James nodded, still fuming, not trying to ignore Caradoc's questioning features.

"She was the one that broke me and Dorcas up."

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Hope you like it!!!

This was another twist; the girl that convinced Lily that Caradoc was cheating, and the girl James cheated with are the same girl.


	19. Concerns and Contemplation

Thanks for the reviews people!! They were well appreciated… and before we begin chapter 19, I just wanna address some questions you guys had ;)

1: James is NOT a cheater. Don't worry, you see how that pans out in this chapter.

2: This is, of course, a Lily and James story. However, the Sirius/Natalie angle is really developing quite well, and reviewers seem to enjoy their story just as much, so I'm going to take that and run with it… ;)

3: Please stay patient. Many of you are anxious to see James and Lily or Natalie and Sirius together soon, but one of my major annoyances with typical LJ stories is that the relationship is ALWAYS hurried. My major concern is trying to make this as real as possible; neither of them are going to get over the ex's in a hurry.

4: I'm sorry to all the blondes out there who were somewhat offended by Ashley Queenen's blonde head and how she was recognized. I just wanted to say that I'm not playing off usual sterotypes, saying that blondes are the evil girls, just that there haven't been any yet in the story, and it was the only thing I could think of for them to recognize whilst not seeing her face.

5: stick with it please!! And review, review, review!!! I only got a handful last time; a little disappointing… but enjoy!!

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Lily walked, side by side, with Dorcas as they made their way back to the common room. All the seventh years had a free period following lunch, and Lily was looking forward to some relaxation.

She nodded along to the aimless chatter that Dorcas was emitting, unable to draw herself away from her thoughts and to provide some interesting conversation.

Natalie hadn't shown up.

Automatically, with just the thought of it, the oh-so-familiar feeling of panic started to rise in her chest, making her feel sick.

She had absolutely nothing to assume, since she hadn't been told a thing, but Natalie's absence seemed to speak louder then anything she could have said.

_I bet he said no,_ Lily thought to herself as she shot a weak smile over at Dorcas, who had just asked her opinion of something. _I bet he said no, and she just doesn't want to have to tell me._

Lily was racking her brains for any other logical explanation for the lack of her friend's presence, but short of Black kidnapping her and holding her ransom for a million chocolate frogs, nothing else came to mind.

The only reason Natalie would not show up, unless being held captive, is that she couldn't bear to tell Lily news she didn't want to hear.

This didn't comfort Lily.

The panic was starting to blossom again, sinking into her gut and tying her insides up in knots that tightened forebodingly.

She tried to think positive. Maybe the students wouldn't care. Maybe maturity had finally caught up with them, and they wouldn't care about the invincible, impenetrable Lily Evans finally falling apart, let alone act on it.

But that was a load of crap and she knew it.

_We're a bunch of drama loving teenagers,_ Lily thought bitterly. _They're going to love it._

"… and she's dating Caradoc Dearborn."

Lily was pulled violently from her thoughts at the sound of these words. She whirled around immediately to face Dorcas, horror threatening to overspill her carefully collected features.

"What?" she asked loudly, unable to restrain herself.

To Lily's surprise, Dorcas only grinned and looked very pleased with herself. She shrugged her shoulders.

"It's funny," she said mockingly as they started to walk again, "how I've been mentioning natural disasters and fantasy creatures for the last ten minutes, but it was only when I said "Caradoc," that you were pulled back to earth."

Lily at least had the decency to look a little ashamed in the face of Dorcas' triumphant look.

"Sorry, Dorcas," she sighed, running a hand quickly through her hair. "Just distracted."

Dorcas nodded understandingly, concern etched in her pretty face.

"Ashley Queenen has that affect on people," Dorcas replied, the kindness in her voice unable to mask utter disgust.

Lily didn't bother mentioning that she was a bit off the point and that she was worried about the news Natalie hadn't opted to bring. However, at the mention of Ashley Queenen, old memories were drudged up.

Again, Lily delved deep into thoughts, not even acknowledging Dorcas' exasperated look.

She was back on the platform, at the end of 6th year. There was a massive crowd around her, all silent and watching, the kind of attention she despised. It was super hot; she could distinctly feel her long hair sticky with sweat and stuck to the back of her neck.

Caradoc stood in front of her.

She remembered the feeling of relief as she _finally_ confronted Caradoc about her suspicions, suspicions that she knew she shouldn't have, but keen to have put at rest. She remembered the intake of breath of the people around her, all waiting and watching for a reaction.

And then she remembered that look of utter and complete disappointment on Caradoc's face, the look of devastation, the look of loss of hope. And then the sick feeling in her stomach, like she was being dropped off a twelve story building, as she realized her mistake, as she realized the consequence that she faced.

And then the two words he had spoken, the last two words she had heard him speak to her without indifference, and how her world had shattered right then and there, the feeling she had been fighting all year to avoid.

"We're done," he had said, with that blank look. And they had been.

And then he had turned, and walked away from her, leaving her completely broken in the middle of all the onlookers, who looked anything but sympathetic.

She remembered the ringing feeling echoing in her ears, the numbness tingling in her fingertips and toes, the tight knot in her stomach that felt like being hit with a baseball bat. And the silent tears traveling down her face, her arms hanging limply at her sides, her usually calm and calculating mind absolutely refusing, straight out, to believe that _her_ Caradoc, the love of her life was gone; refusing, straight out, to believe that the one thing she had desperately been hiding from, protecting herself from, had finally caught up to her.

And then amidst her anguish, that blonde head disentangled herself from the horde of students making their way from the scene, and marched herself right up to Lily, informing her that it had all been a hoax, a accidental attempt to break them up.

She remembered looking at that blonde head for a long time, blankly squinting, as if she wasn't quite sure what she was looking at.

"I didn't think it would break you guys up," she had gushed unconvincingly. "It was just a joke."

And she remembered feeling empty.

"… Caradoc is engaged."

Lily swung her head around, pulling away from her memory.

"What?" she screeched.

Dorcas laughed and shook her head, looking a little surprised herself.

"Honestly, Lily," she said exasperatedly, "for someone so smart, you don't really learn from experience, do you?"

Lily shook her head softly, unable to share in the joke. "I was just…" she paused.

"Remembering," she finished sadly.

Dorcas nodded again, sinking her hands into the pockets of her robes casually. "That skank can drudge up some bad memories," Dorcas said knowingly.

Lily giggled quietly, appreciating the "skank" reference. Then a question popped into her head.

"Dorcas," she began slowly. "What's Queenen done to you?"

Dorcas stiffened noticeably, but continued walking as if it hadn't struck a nerve.

"What are you talking about?" she asked airily, but with a tone of forced casualness.

Lily threw her a sidelong glance, hoping to catch her eye. But Dorcas had found the floor quite interesting.

"Well, I can't stand the, uh," Lily paused and glanced around. "The, the _skank_," she continued, saying the last word quietly as if the portraits were going to go and tell Ashley that Lily thought she was a skank.

Dorcas laughed at Lily's uncomfortable tone, and relaxed slightly.

"But I have a reason," Lily finished, now watching Dorcas closely for any sign of what had struck a chord.

Lily had a strong feeling this had something to do with James, and she was dying to ask Dorcas about it, but knew that she had to wait until Dorcas trusted her enough to confide in her.

Lily sighed internally. She could speed things up thought, couldn't she?

"She hurt one of my good friends," Dorcas said slowly, obviously thinking up an excuse on the spot. "Of course I don't like her."

Lily shook her head, glad that she had fallen into this trap. "But in the Great Hall," Lily pointed out hurriedly, "you let on that you didn't like her, even before I recognized her and told you what had happened."

Dorcas didn't reply for a second. "I've never really liked her," she said vaguely. "She's not a nice person. So how was Ancient Runes?" she asked quickly, trying to change the subject.

Lily wasn't one to be swayed. "Don't try and change the subject, Dorcas," Lily scolded. "Tell me what she's done to you."

Dorcas shook her head unconvincingly, her dark locks dancing on her shoulders. "It's nothing, Lily," she said with a forced calm. "Really."

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled her friend by the arm into a passageway behind a tapestry, where they were out of view of passerby.

Dorcas immediately protested, but Lily cut her off.

"I told you about Caradoc, Dorcas," she said firmly. "You owe me some sort of explanation."

Dorcas tried one more feeble attempt to escape, but seeing as there was none, she sighed, resigned.

"If you must know," Dorcas said with a glare. "She broke me and my boyfriend up too."

Lily immediately tensed up, but on the outside, she didn't even flinch. This was certainly a new development.

Her mind was racing as she tried to station a horrorstruck look on her face. Ashley Queenen broke Dorcas and James up as well?

_What a bitch,_ was all Lily could muster in her thoughts, completely dismayed at the levels girls would sink to.

"How?" Lily managed to ask quietly, although her shock was completely real.

Dorcas rolled her eyes in an attempt to look indifferent, but Lily could distinctly see her eyes water slightly.

"She…" she hesitated and drew in a deep breath. "I caught my boyfriend cheating with her."

Lily was completely shell shocked, unable to believe that this girl, Ashley Queenen, had managed to break Dorcas and James up, as well her and Caradoc.

"I'm so sorry," she sputtered out in genuine concern.

Dorcas sniffed lightly and gave a fake smile. "It doesn't matter," she said too cheerfully. "I dumped his sorry arse."

Lily tried to give a faint smile, but all she could see was James' tear stained face.

"Who was he?" Lily asked with extra casualness.

Dorcas closed her eyes and shook her head softly, a faint smile gracing her mouth.

"James Potter."

Lily performed the necessary surprised intake of air, grinning happily to herself on the inside. Finally, they were getting somewhere!

She was happy, that is, until she noticed a small tear running its way down Dorcas' cheek.

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James watched unhappily as the Queenen girl strutted by. He and Caradoc were still standing by the stairs in the Entrance Hall, not moving.

_That bitch is gonna pay,_ James thought to himself miserably, but couldn't draw any anger behind it. Ashley Queenen brought up bad memories.

He didn't even feel Caradoc dragging him across the Hall toward the Gryffindor table, as old memories overtook him.

The last day of school: the common room was cleaner than it had ever been, for people had retrieved all their belongings for the trip home. The Gryffindors were having an end of the year party, complete with butterbeer, sweets from Honeydukes, and pastries from the kitchens.

James remembered the warm and cozy feeling of utter relaxation, sipping his butterbeer quietly, taking a break from entertaining to just watch everyone else.

Sirius was in the corner, making out with some random girl. He remembered making a face at them when he caught his friend's eye, but shook his head affectionately all the same.

And Remus sitting in an armchair near the fire, doing his hardest to ignore the festivities and delve into his book that was lying across his lap.

Peter stood nervously at the buffet table, always hopping from foot to foot, unable to stand still. Several girls were looking at him curiously, as if he might attack them at any moment.

He remembered smiling at Sirius' boldness, at Remus' maturity, at Peter's awkwardness.

Then he noticed Natalie Smith leaning on one of the small tables, with her hands clapped together in delight, a semi-circle of students sitting around her, laughing. He remembered almost goggling at her popularity, seeing as the crowd around her consisted of several seventh years as well, students older than her.

He had not noticed at the time, but now remembered seeing a flash of vibrant red hair, standing off to the side, eyeing Natalie blankly. She was utterly impassive, her arms folded against her chest, leaning casually on the air of a chair. He couldn't remember anything else about her, because just at the moment, just as he took another sip of butterbeer, an unfamiliar face had popped into his view.

That blonde head was swimming in his mind's eye as he remembered her sprawling herself across his lap. He remembered feeling somewhat sick, almost dizzy, as he regarded her blankly.

He didn't really understand what she was doing, or why she was on his lap, but for some reason couldn't really push her off. She was giggling and chattering to him happily, and James found himself smiling weakly in return.

And then she was kissing him, her hands grasping at his hair, and then running seductively down his chest. He felt phantom puppet strings pull his arms to rest on her waist, his mouth responding to hers. He felt her grinning against his mouth, her tongue diving into his between kisses.

And then the portrait hole had opened, and he had managed to pull away just in time to meet those dark eyes drowned in misery and disappointment. But then she was gone, and he couldn't get Ashley off his lap, but all the while unable to grasp what had just happened.

Just feeling empty.

"… Dorcas in the hospital wing."

James was yanked roughly from his thoughts as he turned to Caradoc so quickly, he thought his neck creaked.

"Where's Dorcas?" he asked loudly, his eyebrows furrowing nervously.

Caradoc rolled his eyes and clapped his friend on the back. "You're predictable as hell, mate."

James looked confused for a moment, but it morphed into mild annoyance once he realized that Dorcas wasn't in danger.

"A tap on the shoulder works just as well as a heart attack," James said, still a little miffed.

Caradoc shrugged with a small smile on his face. "Not when you were that far gone. What were you thinking about anyway?"

James hesitated automatically, but relaxed once he remembered that Caradoc knew about his and Dorcas' past.

"That Queenen girl," James said slowly as he sunk down onto the bench, "She's the reason that we broke up."

Caradoc's eyebrows shot up into his sandy hair. "Really," he said with genuine surprise. "What a coincidence."

James' heart dropped as he tried to put two and two together. He had to be talking about Lily, right? And he just didn't know that James already knew.

But this was certainly an interesting development. Lily and him had never discussed that day, save the one night they fell asleep together, but he hadn't even considered the fact that the bitches that had broken them up were the same person.

"What are you talking about?" James managed to blurt out through his shock.

Caradoc didn't answer right away, looking like he regretted even bringing it up.

"It's nothing, mate," he muttered. "Old news."

James shook his head slowly, making a mental note not to tell Lily that she was thought of as "old news."

"It must have meant something," James urged. "Clearly, there's some hostility left over."

"I never liked Ashley," Caradoc clarified. "And th breakup didn't mean much; it was inevitable."

James struggled really hard to keep a straight face. Caradoc's tone clearly said that he was trying to convince himself as much as James.

James shrugged, pretending to brush it off as lightly as Caradoc wanted him too.

"Who?" he asked casually.

Caradoc sighed, the faintest smile gracing his mouth.

"Lily Evans."

Internally, James was leaping for joy, although still slightly numb with the surprise of Ashley Queenen's role in both his and Lily's life. But Caradoc had finally confided in him, and there was no more need of secrecy. Finally, he could actually begin his subterfuge.

"Really?" James sputtered out, trying really hard not to beam across the table at his friend.

His happiness diminished, however, at the sight of Caradoc's nod, and the miserable face that accompanied it.

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Natalie unconsciously tightened her grip around her legs, staring intently over the smooth and calm waters of the Great Lake.

She had been sitting out here for hours, knees drawn up to her chest, hair blowing out loosely behind her, arms encircling her legs, just watching the rise and lull of the small waves breaking onto the shore, sometimes barely dousing her bare toes with the cool water.

She knew that skipping an entire day of school was probably not the best idea she could have come up with, but she felt as if she had no other choice.

She was completely and utterly devastated.

It wasn't even that she was confused. During the first hour of her intent lake- gazing, she had immediately assumed that her "day off" was on account of her bafflement of what had just happened, that she just needed time to take it all in. She didn't really give it any second thought; she instantly arrived at the conclusion, as she sat herself down, that what she was feeling was just that she didn't understand it at all.

Natalie emitted a very tiny sigh of resignation.

But that hadn't been true at all.

It had probably taken her well into the second hour of lake- gazing to realize the emotion she felt wasn't bewilderment or surprise.

It was a stretch to say she had been expecting such an occurrence to happen between her and Sirius, but it wasn't going too far to say that she hadn't thought about it.

_Come on, Natalie,_ she had chided herself during hour three, just as the tide started to come in and had tauntingly started to bury her bare feet in sand and gently tug the ends of her robe when it went out. _You knew the attraction was still there. You can't pretend to be surprised when we both know it was something you had wanted and had thought about._

So hour three had been spent coming to terms with her lack of shock.

But after the surprise of not being surprised had started to wind down, just when the small waves had given up their intent to lure her in and had begun to retreat, she, again, tried to define the feeling she had for what she and Sirius had done.

The second conclusion she had drawn, this one around hour four, was anger.

She definitely felt angry; angry at herself for letting herself succumb to her feelings, angry at Sirius for taunting her, for tempting her, for getting her into this mess for a quick snog.

She was angry that she had fallen for his stupid trick, that she hadn't been able to keep control of the situation, angry that she allowed it to get out of hand. And of course, she was angry with Sirius for not stopping it while he had the chance, angry that he just didn't answer the stupid question she had asked in the first place, angry that he had to start a fight while she was attempting to be civil.

Most of hour four had been devoted to thinking up devious ways to torture Sirius for this crime, but again, doubt had to worm its way into her mind.

_You can't help how you feel,_ her thoughtful side had pointed out, sounding remarkably like Lily. _You can't hate yourself for feelings that you can't control._

She slowly decided that her Lily- like side had been right, that she couldn't be blamed for feelings she couldn't control, and hesitantly allowed her anger at herself to subside. And then that led to her anger directed toward Sirius diminishing, she couldn't be mad at him for not stopping something she couldn't have stopped either.

Midway through the fifth hour of deep contemplation, just as the sun began to go down, she set out again at trying to understand how she was feeling about what had happened.

She had then began to get rather impatient and short with herself, demanding her reasonable side to come up with some sort of explanation, whilst ordering her stubborn side to conclude something useful.

But the harder she tried, the farther away she got.

She had definitely not been confused at what had happened. She had known of her deep attraction, if not liking, toward Sirius, ever since fifth year, although amplified from that morning. She also knew that he was a seventeen year old boy, hormonal boy, and that he participated in their early morning extravaganza out of as much desire as she.

And she wasn't angry either. She had known that something would probably happen; they couldn't go on screaming at each other in the hallways forever. Maybe not to this extent, but she had figured that they weren't just going to end there. Plus, she had just as much a hand in it as well, and she couldn't blame herself.

By the beginning of hour six, along with complete numbness from the cold and lack of circulation, Natalie had been ready to tear her hair out with impatience.

How could she not know what she was feeling?

She continued to think about it throughout hour six, simply gazing over the lake, now pink and red with the steadily declining sunset. Her arms remained clasped loosely around her knees, her shoes and socks set neatly beside her, the bottom of her robes damn and reeking of kelp and algae.

And finally, just as the first stars began to twinkle, and a soft breeze blew silently over the still lake, catching her hair and throwing it gently behind her, she finally knew what emotion had swamped her entire, unmoving being.

Complete and utter devastation.

It was the only thing she could come up with because finally, after six hours of sitting idly on the beach of the Great Lake, only one conclusion was she able to come too.

She couldn't, as much as she tried, place the blame.

She, of course, wanted to blame Sirius, extremely badly. She needed it to be his fault, his fault that they had gone that far. She needed another reason to hate him, another reason to distance herself forever and to forget what the little bastard had done to her.

But after it was quite clear that he was, indeed, not to blame, she reverted back to herself.

_I'm the one that pulled him in there in the first place,_ she informed her Lily- like side desperately. _I pushed him into the wall. This is entirely my fault._

But she couldn't even convince herself that, seeing as her reasonable, thoughtful side decided to answer.

_You had no idea what was going to happen,_ she replied gently, as if knowing that it would be easier if she could just blame herself. _And he's the one that tested you, knowing what you felt and how you would respond._

So, with a great deal of misery, she had to admit that it wasn't her fault either. They were both equally to blame.

And as soon as she realized this, realized that this entire event couldn't be filed away in a neat file in the back of her mind, that she couldn't just place her burden on a scapegoat and be on her way, that without that closure, without being able to make this _someone's_ fault, she could never forget it and move on.

And then, right away, it hit her. Devastation.

Devastation at the fact that she could do absolutely nothing.

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This time, it was Lily who was waiting for James; although, she did it much more comfortably.

She lay sprawled attractively over an armchair, slender legs slung neatly over one side, back braced against the other, hair gracefully cascading down her shoulders, some pooling in a auburn pool in the crook of her neck, several stray strands caught against the lightly contrasting, maroon plush material, the majority swung around her elegant neck, lying neatly on her left collarbone.

A book was leaning easily against her thighs, a slim hand waiting patiently at the top of the page, eager to turn to the next, but also just as eager to mark her place when James came in.

Despite her relaxed appearance, Lily was very agitated and tense. Apart from her unmoving eyes staring intently at the page, though, nothing about her body language gave her away.

She turned another page idly, pausing only to check her watch and to make a mental note to teach James about punctuality. She then felt a little ashamed, knowing that she had kept him waiting many times before, and that she was just worried about Natalie and it was making her grumpy.

She hadn't shown up all day.

During most of her classes, Lily's train of thought had been diverted towards her concerns at the news Natalie didn't see fit to tell her. She fretted constantly under her mask, although nothing but calmness and serenity shown through.

And though she was still greatly alarmed, halfway through her day, worry and panic for herself slowly gave way to worry and panic for Natalie.

It was highly unusual for her friend to ever bail out on a meeting, even one of such a serious nature. That was why Lily had been sure that if this was the case, her meeting with Sirius must have been a complete disaster.

It was so unusual that Lily hardly expected to not see Natalie all day. She had figured that her friend would show, slightly embarrassed, maybe a little ashamed, shortly thereafter, to make her apologies and to tell her Sirius' answer.

And when she didn't, Lily started to worry about her friend on top of her other worries.

She hadn't given much thought to her idea of Natalie's captivity/ ransom for chocolate frogs, although she wouldn't put it past Sirius Black. But she was certain it was something else.

_Maybe it was so awkward, Natalie just ditched,_ she tried to reason as she turned another page absently. _Maybe she's too ashamed to tell me that she couldn't go through with it._

_But the entire day? You're being too unrealistic,, _her damned reasonable self shot back smugly.

She decided to try a different approach. _What if Sirius tried to make another move on her? And she resisted, and he got mad and decided he was going to tell the whole school that I was crying and rally them to tease and mock me, then set booby traps around the head dorm, and once I'm captured, burn me at the stake!_

_And now you're being stupid._

Lily sighed in silent frustration, slightly alarmed that she was a little unhinged. That last scenario was completely ridiculous.

She tried to forget about Natalie, reassuring herself that no harm could have befallen her, and that she would return when she was ready.

But the problem with forgetting that particular problem, was that another took its place.

_I can't believe that the girl that broke James and Dorcas up is the same girl that broke me and Caradoc up, _Lily told herself glumly. _A little coincidental._

_Maybe too coincidental, _her smart side replied evasively.

But before Lily could try and work that last bit out, the portrait hole opened nosily, drawing her from her thoughts. And although she had jumped on the inside, if that's possible, her exterior remained completely oblivious, her strong, level gaze never leaving the page, but resuming some movement in order to convince James that she had been reading all along.

If he noted her blunt and obviously false ignorance of his arrival, it didn't bother him. He slung his bag carelessly around the back of a rocking chair beside the fire and then flung himself tiredly onto the sofa adjacent to Lily, letting out a low groan in the process.

"Long day?" Lily tonelessly, carelessly turning another page, her eyes going stationary once again as she noticed a hand covering his eyes.

She received a grunt in reply.

Lily rolled her eyes but didn't comment on his lack of conversation.

"When you're ready, there is some stuff you should know," Lily stated casually, knowing what effect these words would have.

James hurriedly sat up, swinging his legs off the couch onto the floor, all traces of exhaustion gone.

"I have some news as well," he said with a grin. "I did some serious detective work today."

Lily smiled and snapped her book shut, her irritation ebbing away. James always relaxed her.

"I'll go first," Lily said professionally as she slid her book into her bag and moved herself into a similar sitting position.

James nodded gratefully, and leaned forward, giving her his undivided attention.

Lily hesitated at first, not entirely sure where to begin. Finally, she decided that she would start at the beginning.

"James," she said slowly, looking him dead in the eye. "Do you know a girl named Ashley Queenen?"

James looked a little startled, but frowned all the same. "Just as well as you do, I'm sure."

It was Lily's turn to be surprised. Did James know as well?

"You know that she broke me and Caradoc up?" Lily asked skeptically, not sure that James could have accomplished this so quickly.

James ignored her doubtfulness dutifully, and nodded. "And I assume you know that the same is true for me?"

Lily nodded back at him, still a little baffled about not having to explain anything to him.

But just as she thought this, another thought went through her head.

"Did Caradoc tell you this?" Lily said with a hopeful smile managing to make its way past her guards and onto her face.

James grinned widely at her. "I sense some doubt of my superior undercover skills," James said jokingly.

Lily rolled her eyes but was pleased about this new development all the same.

"Sure, James," she said with a small chortle, "You're a regular Sherlock Holmes."

James shook his head, puzzled. "Who's Sherlock Holmes?"

Lily mentally slapped herself, remembering too late the rift between muggleborns and purebloods.

"Never mind," she said hurriedly, not wanting to waste the time to explain it to him. "You should know that Dorcas told me as well. And that she was pretty upset when she told me about you."

James' interest at the muggle detective disappeared. "You mean that she told you everything?"

Lily nodded once. "She tried to brush it off as no big deal, but it upset her a bit just to talk about it."

James agreed somberly. "That's Dorcas," he sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "She would never tell me if something was wrong, just to prove that she could handle it herself," he explained.

Lily didn't reply right away, not wanting to ruin James' happy train of thought. Luckily, she didn't have too.

James forced himself to pull away from any thought of Dorcas at the moment, determined to tell Lily his gathered information as well.

"Listen, Caradoc told me about you too," James said quickly, ignoring her intake of breath. "I had to kind of pull it out of him, but he told me about what happened, and Queenen's part in it."

Lily's faint smile weakened more at the mention of Ashley, although she didn't want to think about her at the moment.

They both sat in a comfortable silence for a moment.

"What a bitch," Lily said quietly, just as a random wave of tiredness slammed into her.

"Hmm?" James asked sleepily.

"Ashley Queenen," Lily clarified. "She's such a bitch."

James let out a small laugh, rubbing tired eyes and fighting a yawn.

"I concur," he agreed.

Lily fell silent again, thinking.

"You know," she started again, "It is kind of curious."

James looked over at her warily, unsure if he wanted to hear this new theory.

"Curious how?" he finally asked.

Lily hesitated, clearly still working out jumbled thoughts.

"James, why did you cheat on Dorcas?"

James sat up a little straighter, once again completely alert. He first felt defensive, maybe a little annoyed, but realized that Lily was watching him with vigor, as if she wasn't expecting the answer that anyone else would.

James looked at her curiously for a moment before answering.

_She's starting to do it again,_ James realized to himself, as her eyes ever so slightly brightened. _She's forgetting her barriers._

"To be honest, I have no idea," James replied fairly, still watching her intently for any other sign of her excitement. "Why?"

Again, Lily didn't answer right away. "You don't know why you cheated or you just can't remember?" Lily asked again.

James shot her an odd look, completely lost. "I don't know, I suppose. That night is kind of hazy. What's that got to do with anything?" he asked intrigued.

Lily stood and started to pace again, her eyes beginning to blaze in new understanding, her face starting to radiate.

"I don't know yet," she admitted. "But we do know one thing. In the course of 24 hours, Ashley Queenen purposely interfered with both our relationships."

James nodded slowly, registering the bluntness of her words, but, again, starting to be mesmerized at her energy.

"It's too big of a coincidence," Lily continued, as she started to run her hands through her hair. "Especially considering that no one was supposed to know about our relationships."

James stood up with her, even though he was a little intimidated by her without her steely barriers up. She intimidated him even though he towered over her.

"You know," he said slowly, "that is very curious. How did she know about us all?"

"Good question," Lily said excitedly. "And why did she want to break us all up?"

James sat down again hesitantly, this time regarding her a little skeptically.

"That might be a stretch," he argued half heartedly. "You're talking as if she was part of a conspiracy against us."

Lily sat down next to him on the couch, her eyes getting brighter by the second, a large smile starting to appear on her face.

"You're saying that the fact that she convinced you to cheat and convinced me that Caradoc was cheating, all in a 24 hour time period, is pure coincidence?" she asked a little breathlessly. "All the while not knowing that we had significant others?"

James didn't know what to say. It sounded pretty clear when Lily said it, especially with her face returning to that moment a couple days before. He was trying not to stare at her.

"Okay," he managed to say. "Let's say that Ashley Queenen knew who our significant others were and intentionally broke us up, even though that is a little out there," he paused, expecting to see a hurt expression at his dissing her theory, but he saw none so he continued. "Where's the motive?"

Lily stood up again and resumed pacing. "I don't know yet," Lily said absently, as if lost in the thoughts of the gains that Ashley had stood to gain.

"But there has to be a common thread," Lily said confidently. "A common thread between me and Caradoc and you and Dorcas. That's the only reason we'd be grouped together like that."

James nodded hesitantly, not wanting to agree, but not finding any reasons why he shouldn't. It sounded almost plausible.

"She seems like the girl to do it," James agreed. "I wouldn't put kidnap and assault past her."

At these words, Natalie's predicament came flooding back to her, and her eyes darkened considerably, all excitement gone with it.

James immediately felt a sense of loss, as if he had tried so hard to coax that little bit of freedom out of her only to have it pulled away.

"What wrong?" he asked gently, unsure if it was something he had said.

"It's nothing," Lily said warily, again sinking into the armchair, gripping both sides pathetically. "Natalie didn't show up today after first period."

James looked up at her, again curious. "That's funny," he said slowly. "Sirius didn't either."

Both of them looked at each other, eyes starting to widen.

"Did he tell you what happened this morning?" Lily asked with forced calm.

"Yeah," James said, his eyes widening more. "I take it Natalie told you as well?"

Lily nodded as they both exchanged knowing looks.

"Uh oh," they said in unison.

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Hope you liked it!!! I'm really quite excited that the interesting stuff is starting to get underway… the next chapter we'll see things finally start to change ever so slightly with James and Lily, and there will be another twist in the next chapter…From here on out, their story will be just as juicy as Sirius and Natalie's… PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I'm not planning on updating until I get at least ten, and that's not a lot so come on!! Press that little gray button just below this message lol…

Thanks!


	20. Fights and Fluffy Towels

Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews, they were all very appreciated… Enjoy this one!

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Chapter 20:

_How did she find out?_ Lily asked herself for the umpteenth time.

She racked her brains ferociously, absolutely convinced that there had to be something she missed, something that explained how Ashley Queenen knew about two relationships that were completely secret.

She was braced casually against a wall adjacent to the Transfiguration classroom, her arms clutching her books to her chest, her bag slung over her shoulder.

She stood alone, for Natalie still hadn't shown up, Dorcas had been unsubtly avoiding her since she disclosed such confidential information, and James wasn't allowed to be seen with her.

Lily didn't really notice her solitude; she was used to it. But this indifference wasn't due to her familiarity with such isolation. It was due to the fact that Lily was staring avidly at a platinum blonde head chatting with her friends across the corridor.

_How did she find out?_ Lily asked herself again.

She let out an indiscernible sigh, before arranging her features rigidly as she fiddled with her bookbag. It was digging into her shoulder uncomfortably and snagging her jumper.

Ashley let out a deliberate screech which Lily assumed was supposed to be a laugh, and swung her hair over her shoulder, not noticing the thin strands getting caught in her long earrings. She then turned to her brunette friend, who Lily thought was named Rebecca, and whispered something in her ear. They both giggled and as she pulled away, those ridiculous earrings got caught in her friend's hair.

Lily contained a scathing laugh as she watched Ashley, hoping that maybe she would give something away.

_How in the bloody hell did she find out?_

Natalie had been the only living soul that had known about Caradoc, and only because Lily had told her. Sirius, Remus, and Peter had been the only living souls that had known about Dorcas, because James had told him.

_But what if Caradoc had told some of his friends? And what if Dorcas told some of hers?_ she asked herself hesitantly. _Maybe she got her information from them._

How would she find out though? She could probably get it out of Dorcas with little suspicion, but Caradoc wasn't speaking to her.

_That could be a job for James, _she reasoned, her excitement starting to mount.

But just as the idea was starting to gallop away with her, a new voice entered her head, one that sounded a lot like James.

What if she was wrong? What if James had been right, that she was just fishing for answers, attempting to fit puzzle pieces in empty slots, simply because she needed a scapegoat, because she needed her break- up to be someone else's fault?

What if Caradoc found out? What if he found out that she hadn't let this go yet, that she was still determined to push the blame away from herself?

_He would hate you even more,_ she realized.

She hesitated then. Was this worth investigating? Was it worth the risk?

_Yes,_ she decided. _He is._

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Lily hurried out of class, determined to follow Ashley Queenen. Natalie still hadn't shown up to Transfiguration, and Dorcas had only bleated a feeble hello before taking a seat next to Emmeline Vance. It didn't really matter; if Lily had been her normal calculating self, she probably would have at least shot her some reassuring glances, but Ashley Queenen was the only one dominating her thoughts.

She looked right and then left, quickly, hoping for a glimpse of that platinum blonde head. She almost gave up hope, but then that bright mane bobbed into view and Lily took off after it, weaving in between students.

She was so intent on her course that she almost didn't hear the sneer from somewhere in front of her.

"Evans."

Lily only had time to stop abruptly before Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, Augustus Rookwood, Rodulphus Lestrange, and Bellatrix Black fell into a semi- circle in front of her.

Lily sighed as she subtly moved her wand into a more reachable area. This was not what she needed at the moment.

She tried to glance over their shoulders as they glared at her, hoping for a glance of that blonde hair. She rocked back from her tiptoes as she noticed that they were drawing a crowd, similar to the one that Sirius and Natalie received detention for. She warily brought herself back to reality, ready to defend herself if the need arose.

"Forgive me for not addressing all of you, but seeing as you five rarely move individually, it would take quite a while," Lily drawled tonelessly, earning an appreciative nod from many who had gathered to watch.

Bellatix laughed scathingly, the noise not unlike nails on a chalkboard.

"I had forgotten how positively witty this one was," she shrieked with a false smile enveloping her sarcastic features. "Makes you wonder why her boyfriend dumped her."

All of them laughed along with her as she took a step forward, coming level with Lucius, who was leading the pack.

"But not quite," she finished, scorn lacing every word.

"How coincidental," Lily replied coldly, "I was going to say the same thing. Except I'm wondering why yours _hasn't_ dumped you."

Bellatrix's menacing features contorted for just a moment as the crowd "oooo"ed. Lucius pulled her back bodily, apparently realizing the danger she posed when angered.

"You forget your place, Evans," he spat out scornfully, attempting to pass Bellatrix to her boyfriend.

"Yeah that's lovely, thanks," Lily answered vaguely, catching sight of Ashley's blonde hair up ahead. "If that's all…" she started to move past them, not wanting to lose her quarry.

All five of them moved to cut her off again, but Bellatrix Black took another step forward, finally freeing herself from Malfoy's grip.

"You dare mock the Dark Lord's work? You dare trifle…"

But Lily wasn't listening much anymore. She had just glimpsed that blonde head over Bellatrix's shoulder again, but she was in such a frenzy describing her master that Lily had a hard time keeping her eyes trained on it.

Clearly, Lily's complete indifference to whatever Bellatrix was going on about was incensing her. Just as Lily rose to her tiptoes again to keep an eye on her quarry, still peering over all five of them, Bellatrix's voice rose to a shrill scream.

Lily sighed as she cursed the reason why all the teachers were curiously ignoring this particular corridor at the moment as she realized that Ashley was going to get away if she didn't put an end to this right now.

She brought her hands up to her ears mockingly, only pausing to pretend to wipe a speck of imaginary spit off her cheek. It wasn't so hard to believe; Bellatrix was now screaming with all her might, leaning forward and looking crazed, determined to make Lily pay attention to her.

The crowd had just laughed at another one of Lily's antics, bringing a hand up to cover a fake yawn, before Bellatrix had had enough.

"… and I will be rewarded like no other, whilst you will be nothing but a mudblood!"

She had said the magic word. The entire crowd was silenced, some with the mouths slack, some with their last laugh frozen on their faces, all waiting for Lily to burst into tears and run.

Bellatrix glared triumphantly at Lily, knowing what she had said, ignoring the looks of her friends behind her, unaware that even they were a little uncomfortable with that word.

"Are you done now?" Lily asked, for the first time allowing a slightly bored look to become uncovered.

Bellatrix opened her mouth, most likely to start another a tirade in her disappointment that she had not been victorious in insulting Lily, but Lily had had enough.

"Good," she interrupted, giving her bag an impatient heave. "Then I leave you five to your very impressive name calling," (she gave a significant look to Bellatrix as a hesitant giggle rippled through the crowd), "in hope that next time you guys try to pick a fight, you have a little something prepared."

She pulled an imaginary speck of dust off her robe, rose on her tiptoes to glance over their shoulders again, hoping to see Ashley's blonde hair.

She strode toward them, only stopping once when she was level with them, prepared to walk right between them.

"Oh, and Lucius," she trilled, turning to pull an imaginary speck of dust off his shoulder, "your little friend," she nodded toward Bellatrix, who was now positively fuming, "needs an outlet to blow off some steam, I'm afraid. Next time, try to head her off quickly, or else she'll just rant for hours, am I right?"

The crowd laughed again, all amused by the fury now tracing every line in all five of their faces.

Then several things happened at once. Just as Lily had begun to walk away from them all, Bellatrix let out a scream of outrage, pulling away from her boyfriend, who was trying to hold her back. All five drew their wands at once, just as Lily spun around to face them, thinking that something like this might happen with her back turned.

With a loud bang, and the students encircling them silenced, the dust cleared. And what was left caused the crowd to, once again, roar with laughter.

All five of them, right in a row, were hanging upside down, as if an invisible hook were holding them in place. Lily stood in front of them, surveying them all, watching as they all tried to piece together why they were upside down.

She glanced down on the floor beneath the five students, and counted four wands. She groaned to herself silently as she met Bellatrix Black's hungry black eyes, now righted and standing on the ground, her wand lifted menacingly in front of her.

"Try it, I dare you," Lily said monotonously.

With a shriek of anger, she raised her wand at the same time Lily did, and was, promptly, placed in a full body bind, only her eyes left free to contort with the utmost hatred.

"Well, if that's all…" Lily began. The four that were still controlled by her Levicorpus spell, erupted in yells of indignance and fury.

Lily waved her once more and they all fell silent.

"Thought so," she said with a small hint of cheer, and turned and walked away in the wake of the cheering that followed her.

As she walked away with her head held high, her face expressionless and serene, her ears caught something that made her want to do a victory dance. Whispers of it trailed her like an echo, resounding happily in her ears many times over.

"She's back."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily stared moodily over the many heads in the Great Hall, her mood a swift and sudden change to the hour before.

Ashley Queenen was nowhere to be found.

_Goddamn witch,_ Lily grumbled to herself as she picked her way through the crowd of people.

She had searched the entire castle through and through, looking for that cursed blonde hair, but couldn't prevail. It was as if she disappeared into thin air.

"So much for spying," Lily muttered to herself gloomily as she sunk into a seat at the Gryffindor table.

"Who are you spying on?"

Lily turned in her seat and smiled half- heartedly, and motioned Dorcas to sit down.

"I see your talking to me again," she said pointedly, but with a trace of amusement. She understood, of course, why Dorcas had felt a awkwardness around her; Lily felt the same way when she told Dorcas about her relationship with Caradoc. It would just take time for it to sink in.

Dorcas had the decency to look a little ashamed. "I'm sorry, Lily," she said sheepishly. "I haven't spoken about it to anyone for awhile now."

Lily nodded reassuringly. "I'm just happy I could repay the favor," Lily answered warmly.

Dorcas nodded again, this time lightening up. "It feels good, you know," she said with a small trace of embarrassment. "To get it off my shoulders. I still feel, even though it's over, that I have to carry around this huge secret."

Lily agreed understandingly. "Trust me, I know. That's why I told you in the first place."

_Not completely true,_ Lily admitted to herself. _But a necessary precaution to make._

Dorcas brightened considerably, probably at the idea that she and Lily were in the same boat.

They chatted aimlessly over lunch about random bits and pieces of their lives, catching up for the first time in a long time.

Toward the end, a thought hit Lily. She had been started to feel a little sense of shame, that here she was having a good time with James' ex, when she should be trying to get the two back together.

"What changed your mind about James?" Lily asked suddenly, attempting to steer the conversation back to more interesting waters.

_Not exactly subtle,_ Lily's reasonable side pointed out,_ But it'll do._

Dorcas looked a little taken aback at the sudden change of topic, but was able to regain her poise.

"What do you mean?" she asked a little softly, as if wary now that James was the topic of discussion.

Lily hesitated, needing to be sure that she didn't let anything slip that Dorcas hadn't already told her. If she said something true about what had happened, and Dorcas knew that Lily hadn't heard it from her, she would immediately assume the worst, which happened to be true.

"Well I just got the vibe that you felt more then a little betrayed when you two broke up. I'm assuming that it took awhile to trust him."

Dorcas' suspicious look softened considerably, but didn't let up completely.

"That is true," Dorcas admitted as she played absently with her napkin. "It took him a long time to win me over."

When she said this, a small smile began to play over her lips, as if deciding whether to dare to reminisce or not.

Lily almost smiled at her. She reminded her so much of herself.

"What made you give him a chance?" she asked curiously.

Dorcas hesitated for a moment, trying to rearrange her thoughts in her head before she spoke.

"Well," she begun slowly, trying to work out what she was trying to say as she said it, "I was at a point where the only reason I wasn't dating him, wasn't because I didn't like him."

Lily nodded as she paused again.

"It was like," she said softly, "I was so set on hating him, that there was no way that I could ever see that there was nothing to hate. I was so determined to not be blind, just like all those other bimbos he used to date."

"I understand," Lily replied just as softly.

"And then I realized that I had become like all those other bimbos, just as blind. But in a different way, you see."

Lily waited again as she paused.

"They were blind to his faults; they worshipped him just because of his looks and achievements. But I was blind to his good qualities."

"It scared the shit out of me, Lily," she explained earnestly. "That I was just like the rest of them, doing something just for the sake of doing it, rejecting him just so I could say he never got to me."

Lily smiled. "You figured it all out on your own?"

Dorcas grinned back and shrugged. "I may have had a little help, but once it came to my attention, I went out with him."

Lily grinned back when she saw her friend smile with the memory of old memories.

"And?"

"It was perfect."

Lily laughed at her friend's antics, as she stared blissfully into space. But after a couple seconds, she returned with a resounding bump.

"But that's all over now."

Lily's amusement started to retract back into her features; she was a little startled by the change of tone.

Suddenly, Dorcas turned to her. "But you know him just as well as I do, right? I don't have to tell you how he's like."

Lily paused for a millisecond, not contemplating that she would have to flat out lie about her and James' friendship. She was, after all, on his side, but Dorcas was her friend too and she cared for her.

"How do you mean?" she settled with.

Dorcas rolled her eyes accordingly. "You know," she responded carelessly, taking a sip from her goblet. "The partying, the pranking, all the mischief, and his bum friends. You're heads with him, right? You have got to have gotten a taste of it by now."

Lily didn't try and conceal her confusion. Were they talking about the same James?

"What are you talking about?" she asked truthfully.

Dorcas chuckled a little forcefully. "Come on, Lily," Dorcas said airily, "You have got to have seen him at least a little."

"I'm not going to pretend that we're friends," Lily managed to sputter out, "But I haven't seen anything that you just mentioned."

Dorcas raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. "No alcohol? No pranking the Slytherins? No tramping through the castle after curfew?"

Dorcas' disbelief grew with every shake of the head Lily made.

"You're serious?"

Lily nodded, also a little stunned. However, she was determined to make an effort on James' behalf.

"To tell you the truth, he doesn't really talk much," Lily explained with a convincing air. "He seems pretty reserved, almost sad."

Dorcas threw back her head and cackled loudly. "There's no way we can be talking about the same James Potter," she said unconvinced. "Reserved? Ha."

Lily didn't reply, but only raised her eyebrows at Dorcas, waiting for her to realize that she wasn't joking.

Dorcas glanced at her, her amusement less defined. "You're… You're serious?"

Lily nodded. "Maybe he's changed."

Dorcas' amazement didn't diminish. "Lily, trust me, if he had changed, I'd know."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked again.

Dorcas put down her fork and arranged her napkin neatly on her lap.

"The only thing I ever wanted from him was to change," she explained. "I mean I loved that playful, childish side to him. But I loved him more when he was serious, and mature, and sophisticated."

A little silence followed Dorcas' announcement, as if Dorcas wanted to take it back, and Lily wanted to hear it said again.

"Kinda like you, Lily."

Lily's eyebrows shot up in the air. She wanted James to be more like Lily?

Lily laughed a little. "You can't possibly mean you want James to be more like me?" she asked jokingly, playing with her food.

Dorcas continued to watch her closely. "Of course I mean it."

Lily didn't laugh this time. "You mean cold? Unnerving? Bitchy?"

Dorcas shook her head. "I mean intellectual. And grown up. And strong.

Lily kept looking at her plate, unsure what to say to these compliments. She had never thought that she had good qualities such as these. They were true to an extent, but they carried quite a bit of baggage. Sure she was smart, but no one ever asked her help because they were scared of her. Sure she was mature and grown up, but at the cost of having fun and being playful. Sure she was strong, but that also made her defensive, even of her friends.

"It's not like I'm only those things, Dorcas," she said finally. "Being how I am has a terrible price."

Dorcas didn't say anything in reply, just waited for her to elaborate.

Lily sighed. "I've never got to experience the way James is, or was," she corrected quickly.

"And James has never experienced the way you are."

Lily sighed, deciding to let it go. She had got what she wanted; a way for Dorcas to take James back.

But just as she was going to pry some more information out of her, another thought hit Lily out of nowhere.

"Dorcas, you said that you had a little help getting together with James."

Dorcas looked, again, a little surprised at the change of topic but nodded swiftly.

"So this person must have known you two were together."

Dorcas made a face, and immediately looked extremely embarrassed.

"I"ll say," she muttered.

"Who was it?" Lily asked excitedly, although already dreading the answer.

"Rebecca Robinson."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

Lily was walking back to the Heads Dorm after lunch for her off period, going over her conversation with Dorcas in her head.

_How could Dorcas not put two and two together? _Lily asked herself doubtfully.

True, Lily didn't share her theory about Ashley to Dorcas, and Dorcas didn't make the connection between the two couples, but it was hard to believe that Dorcas could be shocked that the girl that James was cheating with might have been perfectly aware that he had a girlfriend.

_How could she not realize that Rebecca simply blabbed to her best friend? _Lily asked herself, a little disappointed in Dorcas' trusting demeanor.

_Maybe that's the difference between you two,_ her smart side pointed out. _She trusts people, and you don't._

Lily pointedly ignored that argument. She didn't see herself as untrusting; she trusted a lot of people. But that didn't mean she couldn't be careful, always on her guard in case she should accidentally get hurt.

_That's the better way to be,_ she told herself convincingly.

She was just about to turn the corner to the last corridor before the Heads Dorm when she heard a familiar voice.

"… and you don't regret breaking up with her at all?" a voice came from around the corner, that sounded remarkably like James.

She pressed her body as flat as it would go against the wall, straining her ears just in case he was talking to Caradoc.

Her heart leapt at the sound of his deep voice, the one she fell in love with.

"Of course I regret it, James," Caradoc said, sounding almost a little irritated at such a question. "But it had to be done. She accused me of cheating on her!"

Lily's heart had leapt again when she heard his first words, but sank when he finished the last of them. She heard James sigh.

"That's rough," James answered, "But maybe you were a little harsh, you know?"

Lily immediately began to panic a little.

_Don't overdo it, James,_ she warned him silently. _He's smart enough to be able to sense that you're prying._

James seemed to hear her thoughts. "I'm just saying that if you're this miserable without her, maybe you should just talk to her, for your own sake. Hear her out."

Caradoc didn't immediately answer, and Lily could almost see his suspicious look falter a little.

"I don't know, mate," he finally answered. "Of course I miss her, I was in love with her for Merlin's sake. But I don't think it would work."

Lily groaned silently, trying to will herself not to tear up.

James seemed to groan too. "What are you talking about?"

Caradoc hesitated again before answering, causing Lily to draw in her breath and hold it until he spoke again.

"It just seemed that the entire time I was with her, I was trying to change her, trying to get her to lighten up, to put her reputation aside, to just have a good time. I didn't have any effect on her at all."

_You stupid bastard,_ Lily whimpered to herself miserably. _You're the reason I am this way!_

James was evidently, confused. "What do you mean, mate? I thought you loved her anyway?"

"I did, I did," Caradoc corrected earnestly. "I just wanted her to be, I don't know…"

He paused and Lily held her breath again, flat against the wall.

"More like you, I guess."

Lily's heart dropped and her ears started to roar. _You've got to be kidding!_

Apparently James was thinking along the same lines. "You've got to be kidding!"

Caradoc laughed a little, and then sombered up.

"I'm serious, mate," he assured James, "she was like that in the beginning, but she slowly went into lockdown mode. The whole accusing thing wasn't the only reason I broke it off."

"Let me get this straight," James said disbelievingly. "The entire time you were with Lily, you wanted to her change into a feminine version of me, childish, immature, and stupid?"

Caradoc laughed. "Well when you say it like that…"

"I'm not kidding, Caradoc," James said seriously. "How could you want her change, let alone into me!"

"You're heads with her, mate," Caradoc said, a little annoyed. "You've got to see how she is!"

"Well, I'm not exactly buddy buddy with her," James said a little quickly, as Lily recognized the lie, "but I've noticed other sides to her."

"Like what," Caradoc challenged.

"Like when she's excited, her eyes…"

"Glow," Caradoc finished gloomily.

"Exactly!" James exclaimed.

Lily didn't know what to think. The entire time they were together, Caradoc had tried to change her, not realizing that the only reason she changed in the first place was for him.

"It doesn't matter, James," Caradoc said into the silence following such a proclamation. "It wasn't worth getting my heart broken, I should have just listened to my damn cousin."

Lily's ears perked up immediately. Cousin? What cousin?"

"Cousin? What cousin?" James asked. Lily dutifully ignored such a coincidence at Caradoc's next words.

"Her name is Rebecca, she's in Ravenclaw. She told me that Lily wasn't worth it."

"So someone knew about you guys?" James managed to sputter out. Lily fully appreciated what James had to be thinking.

"Yeah," Caradoc continued miserably. "Too bad it was a waste of time."

Lily didn't appreciate being a waste of time, but she couldn't really comprehend anything other than the fact that this Rebecca Robinson told Ashley about her as well.

She was so lost in thought that she didn't even hear someone come around the corner.

James immediately jumped back a half a foot, screaming "Oi!" at the same time.

Lily groaned to herself, still surprised when she heard Caradoc retrace his steps to follow James around the corner to find out what the exclamation was about.

Lily and James stared at each other for a half a second, before James whipped something out of his robes and threw it on top of her.

Lily felt extremely foolish with, what felt like James old laundered robes swamping her small body, whilst just standing there while Caradoc came around the corner.

She was about to open her mouth to apologize, to say anything, but Caradoc didn't even notice her; he just looked questioningly at James.

"What was that?" he asked curiously, scanning the corridor, looking right over Lily as if she didn't exist.

Lily was completely dumbfounded. Was he just ignoring her? Or was he completely blind?

"I just saw a rat, that's all," James lied convincingly as he hauled his bookbag over his shoulder.

"Pansy," Caradoc mocked jokingly before clapping him on the shoulder.

James laughed and shook him off playfully. "I'll see you around, Dearborn."

Caradoc waved and disappeared around the corner again. But Lily and James waiting in silence for a couple moments until they were sure he was gone.

"What are you doing here, Lily?" he hissed quietly, whilst staring at a spot over her shoulder.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop," she hissed right back, a little annoyed that he wasn't looking her in the eyes. "It just happened."

"Sure," James said, grinning. "You're turning more into a Marauder with each passing day."

"Kill me now," Lily said back, playing along. "Too bad Caradoc couldn't even look at me. I totally ruined everything."

James cocked his head, looking puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

Lily now thought that James was losing his marbles. "He saw me here, listening. He's got to know that we're working together."

James screwed up his eyebrows, looking more confused, before throwing back his head and laughing hysterically.

Lily waited patiently for him to stop and tell her what in the hell was so funny, seeing as their cover was blown.

"He didn't see you, Lily," James promised, wiping away tears of mirth.

"How the hell not?" she asked him with deliberate slowness.

"Look at your reflection," he commanded, still staring out into space right above her shoulder, and motioning to a small mirror adorning the wall next to which they stood.

Lily rolled her eyes but complied, turning to only see…

Nothing.

She managed to bite back a scream, but only just. She couldn't see her reflection.

It took her a couple seconds to calm herself.

"James," she asked slowly. "Where did I go?"

James laughed again and withdrew the Invisibility Cloak from her body. She let out a sigh of relief when her reflection reappeared.

"An Invisibility Cloak? Wow, James," she said shifting her hands through the material.

"Yeah, my dad gave it to me," he replied proudly, before stuffing it out of sight within the folds of his robes.

"Now," he stated, "how much did you hear?"

Lily put her hands on her hips, trying to look intimidating. "Enough."

But before he could respond, they both heard a small thud from around the corner. Without a word, James whipped out the Invisibility Cloak and threw it around Lily again before tiptoeing to the position Lily was not to long ago; peeping around the corner.

When he saw that the coast was clear, he motioned Lily to follow him and they both began walking slowly down the corridor.

Lily, freed by the confines of the Cloak, crept ever so closely to a broom cupboard, from which the sounds were coming from. James seemed to think so as well, he followed her, although not knowing where she was.

When they stood directly in front of it, Lily pulled off the Cloak and handed it back to James wordlessly, pulling her wand from inside of her robes simultaneously. James jumped a bit when her head came into view, but nodded and stowed it away safely.

Without a word, they both grasped a handle and yanked them open.

And they came face to face with a rather shocking situation; Natalie Smith, in a rather compromising position, snogging the life out of a random guy.

When finally accustomed to the new light, she looked up and smiled.

"Hey guys."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily and James were crammed rather unattractively in the corner of the bathroom, talking in low voices, completely aware that Natalie was waiting impatiently for Lily in the common room of the Heads Dorm.

"Listen," Lily whispered, ignoring their close proximity. "I need to talk to both of you!"

"But Lily," James whined, trying not crowd her with his large body. "I really want to hear what Dorcas had to say! I don't know if I can wait."

Lily shook her head but understood all the same. "I need to know why Natalie disappeared for a day and a half," she said hotly, before crossing her arms. "Please just wait twenty minutes!"

James didn't reply; just looked pained.

"She's my best friend, James," Lily said softly, pouting her lips slightly.

James tried to ignore this to the best of his ability, but now was painfully reminded of their close proximity. His cheeks immediately flooded with color.

"I know, I know," he muttered, looking down rather then into her eyes. "I'll just take a shower or something."

"Genius!" Lily trilled as loudly as she could without Natalie hearing. She jumped up and gave him a quick hug, which James returned hesitantly. She then turned and bounced out of the bathroom.

"Damn hormones," James muttered to himself as he turned the tap on in the shower.

He stripped down and jumped in after closing the door fully. He decided that he just needed some action.

_Of course she's gorgeous,_ James told himself. _You're a heartbroken teenage boy; it's to be expected. _

He just attributed it to the fact that it was a side effect of missing Dorcas and started the shower.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I find that extremely hard to believe."

Natalie had just told Lily that there was no reason at all why she had disappeared for a day and a half.

Natalie rolled her eyes and adjusted herself more comfortably on the cushions.

"Believe it," she said sharply, before putting both hands behind her head and leaning back.

Lily's eyes narrowed. "Then tell me what happened with Black."

Natalie's eyes shot open. "What makes you think something happened?" she asked with an unconvincing air of indifference.

"I didn't mean it that way," Lily corrected slowly, as an idea started to form in her mind. "I meant to ask what he said about keeping his trap shut."

Natalie relaxed considerably, closing her eyes and leaning back again.

"He won't say anything."

Lily let out a sigh of relief, although was determined not to let this go.

"Then why did you hide for a day and a half?" Lily repeated firmly.

"I just needed some me time," Natalie lied.

"What happened with Black?" Lily asked wearily. She didn't feel like interrogating her friend.

"Nothing happened, Lily," Natalie lied again.

There was a long silence, so long that Natalie cracked open an eye lid and saw Lily staring at her.

"What?" she asked defensively.

"How far did it go?" Lily asked quietly, eyes full of pity.

Natalie let out a strangled laugh.

Then she was silent.

"Too far," she finally said after awhile.

Lily stood up and moved to sit beside her friend, wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

"I just can't help it, Lily," she said softly, after a moment.

"I know," Lily crooned soothingly, rocking her friend back and forth.

They both sat there for a long moment, just holding each other, just thinking.

Suddenly, Natalie stood up, loosening the grip Lily had on her.

"It doesn't matter, Lily," Natalie said firmly, crossing her arms. "He'll never touch me again, I'll make sure of it. And I've already got a potential date for the next Hogsmead trip so I'll get over it."

Lily nodded as to make her friend feel better, but couldn't shake the feeling that Natalie was kidding herself.

From upstairs, they heard the distinct noise of the shower being turned off.

Lily turned away from her friend uneasily, not wanting to throw her unceremoniously from the dorm.

But Natalie laughed and shook her head, leaning down to give her friend a hug.

"Don't worry about it," she said reassuringly. "I was going to go anyway. I'm perfectly fine."

Lily nodded. "Thanks, Natalie. For going to talk to him for me. If it weren't for me and my stupid fear then this wouldn't have happened."

Natalie laughed again and shook her head pityingly. "I'm glad it happened," she admitted cheerfully. "Now I know."

"Now you know," Lily repeated.

Natalie smiled, gave her friend one last hug, and disappeared out of the portrait hole.

Lily leaned back, feeling worn out from the days festivities, wanting nothing more than to just fall asleep.

"Lily, have you seen my Gryffindor t-shirt?"

Lily's eyes shot open, even though she couldn't remember closing them. She rubbed them fruitlessly and stood up and turned around to address James' question.

But she couldn't even form words.

James Potter was standing in front of her, clad only in a white towel, one hand behind his head, rubbing it sheepishly, and the other clutching said towel at his hip, lest it fall down.

Lily still couldn't form words.

Saying that James Potter was built was an understatement. So was saying that he had sculpted muscles, was still dripping wet, and the towel was at its lowest point without showing James in all his glory.

Lily needed to form some words.

James was looking at her curiously. "Lily?"

Lily shook her head once, gaped with her mouth a little, gave a half nod, and managed to say, "Hmm?"

James stared at her for a second, still feeling as if he was missing something.

"The shirt? Have you seen it?"

Lily was lost in her own world again, imagining how it would feel to touch those muscles, to feel them tense under her hands.

She managed to shake her head.

"You don't know where it is?"

She opened her mouth, closed it abruptly, cocked her head to the side, but only shook her head again.

"Okay then," James said slowly, suddenly feeling very aware that he was half naked, "I'm just going to grab some clothes and I'll be right down, okay?"

He turned and began to tramp up the stairs, when Lily finally said something.

"No."

James froze before turning around with a ludicrous look on his face.

"What?!"

Lily froze, completely horrified that she had just asked James to NOT go and put some clothes on. She was utterly humiliated.

She immediately started rambling. "I didn't mean it like that," she said quickly, "Not saying that you shouldn't put clothes on because you should put clothes on. There's no reason why I wouldn't want you clothed, didn't want you clothes, DON'T want you clothes, I was just saying "no" to stop you for a second about a shirt, the one you're looking for."

James looked at her as if she were psycho, still trying to piece together was she had said. Lily was feeling more and more humiliated by the second.

"What I mean to say is," she said more slowly, willing her cheeks to stop flaming, "Try the hamper."

James was still staring at her as if she had lost her mind, but shook himself.

"Um, yeah, I'll try there," he managed to blurt out before turning and continuing his way up the stairs.

Lily couldn't move; she was completely horrified.

_What in Merlin's name did I just do?_ She was screaming at herself.

"Omigod, Omigod, Omigod, Omigod," she kept mouthing to herself as was stuck frozen there.

_Calm down, calm down, calm down,_ her reasonable side kept crooning in her ear. _Sit down, sit down, sit down._

Slowly, Lily sunk down into an armchair, still staring at the last place James was.

_It's positively normal, completely expected, _her reasonable side kept telling herself. _James is one hell of an attractive guy, and you are vulnerable._

_I am not,_ her stubborn side retorted, completely disgusted at the idea of vulnerability.

_It doesn't mean anything; you're in love with Caradoc. You're just missing him._

Lily slowly willed herself to pull herself out of her horrified state, just in time for James to come tramping down the stairs, completely dressed.

Lily fixed an impassive expression on her face, pleading with god that James wouldn't mention how big a fool she had just been.

"So," he said clearing his throat, "you had something to tell me about Dorcas?"

"Oh yeah," Lily murmured waiting for him to sit down. "A couple things actually."

James let his discomfort melt away as he sat himself comfortably in an armchair next to Lily's. "The good news first."

Lily hesitated. "Well," she began, "Dorcas told me what it would take for her to take you back," she said quickly, eager to make him forget what had just happened.

James' eyebrows perked up and a grin made its way onto his face.

"Well, what is it?" he asked enthusiastically.

Lily paused again, not knowing how to phrase this.

"She said, er, for you," she said quietly, "to be, um, more like, well, me."

James' eyebrows shot up into his hair. He didn't reply for a long moment.

"She didn't like the way I was?" James asked, a little sullenly.

Lily shook her head hurriedly. "No, that's not it at all," she reassured him. "It's like what Caradoc said. She loves both sides of you; she just, after what happened last year, would appreciated the more "Lily" side of you, more."

James nodded slowly, trying not to look too disappointed. "Well, if that's what she wants…" he said slowly, and began to trail off.

"Cheer up, James," Lily said, "Now we know what you need to do."

James grinned at her. "You're right," he said, his face lighting up a fraction, "I'll do whatever I have to do."

"As will I," Lily countered with a grin of her own.

James' grin widened. "Well, it's a good thing I'm here," James said cockily.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't flatter yourself," she said airily. "I could act like a five year old without any lessons from you."

From the expression on James' face, she had guessed correctly at what he was planning to say.

"It's harder than it looks," James protested. "I got the easy part."

Lily looked incredulous. "Being me? You think it's easy?"

James grinned. "I'll just kick a couple Slytherin asses, and I'll be in the club," he said with a wink.

Lily laughed. "Sorry, Grindelwald, I don't think you could handle it."

James rolled his eyes. "Well, you'll just have to teach me."

Lily pretended to scoff. "I'll see if I can fit you into my schedule."

"Likewise," James returned with a crooked smile.

There was a long moment that they just watched each other, still smiling, unconscious that the conversation had ended.

Suddenly, a thought hit Lily.

"Oh!" she said, smacking herself in the forehead. "How could I forget!"

James looked excited. "Is there more?"

"Yes!" Lily exclaimed, moving to the edge of her seat, her eyes beginning to brighten. "Dorcas told me that there was only one person that knew, from her, about you guys."

"Who?" James asked breathlessly.

Lily leaned forward, waiting a second simply to heighten the anticipation. "Rebecca Robinson."

James jumped up from his seat. "Caradoc told a Rebecca about you two!"

Lily now jumped up with him. "I know! And Rebecca Robinson is Ashley Queenen's best friend!"

James looked at her for a long moment, marveling in how her eyes were starting to glow again, how she was beginning to radiate.

"It all fits," James said rationally. "All we need is a…"

"Motive," Lily finished.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


End file.
